A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I got together this january after he constantly pestered me to get with him despite all our mutual friends advising me against it. I told him I am not looking for sex in the relationship due to my religious beliefs and family values and that it might not work out because i am veg non alcoholic girl with different interests and also the distance. he reassured me he loved me. He has a drinking problem and can get quite aggressive although in the first few months with me he cut down on his drinks for me and made me feel like a true princess. he wrote poems to me, used to take me out for dinner etc etc. We are at different universities which are an hour away. he used to come and surprise me and i also went up to see him during the time he convinced me to have sex with him. After 5 months so around june I got him a really expensive birthday present aussuming that I am in stable relationship besides all the other things such as designer clothing. One day after the exams he just switched and told me he wants to break up because we are incompatible and that I am boring. I went to see him at his university and we decided to try things again. For a few weeks we went out clubbing and things seemed ok. then in our summer holidays I became busy due to medical school entrane exams and because I recently discovered about my terminally ill mother. One day he confronted me again and told me that he wants to break up. So i told him about my situation and why I had been busy. he didnt listen and went away. distraught I went to a friends house and later that night he came back and patched up things with me although i told him not to get back with me for the sake of my mother.we had sex and everything was ok. he said to show his committment he brought me jewellary and promised me that we will meet his parents. Then again few weeks later he broke up with me again quoting that it is his final year in university hes going to be busy and our differences cant be sorted. he quoted stress, distance and stagnancy of the relationship as his reasons. I shared so much with him. went against my values. changed for him. tried to keep him happy and he repaid me like that. I told him we can take time out to see if we want to make this work. he agreed then to end the conversation. now hes not replying to my texts or anything. I asked him to return my things back and he refused. WHat should I do? I really love this guy? Is it worth fightng for him?
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Is it worth fighting for?? The man who has dumped you repeatedly, shows no support for you and has a drinking problem... Umm no I don't think so.
You are better than that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): You don't take back presents. There should be no strings attached, if they were given from the heart.
Don't regret what you did for love. Your heart is broken; but you've learned from this trial relationship. It is one out of others to come; on your journey through life.
We are all destined to get our hearts broken. We will lose our virginity, in the name of love. We will do good things; because we love people. Sometimes they don't deserve it. You just got that experience. So now you move on with what you've learned.
You still stood by your beliefs. You didn't waiver until you felt secure. You are both very young and in university.
These are your years of growth and change. You now have sexual experience. You know love is not a fairytale experience. You know how heartbreak feels, and will be more empathetic to others.
The anger, pain, and rejection will subside. Your youth is to your benefit; because you have the resilience to bounce back sooner, than someone much older. You have your schoolwork and responsibilities ahead of you, and you are now a stronger and more confident woman.
All men are not like him. However; you may encounter many like him. This experience will help you to notice the red-flags and you'll be more cautious.
Don't be embittered. The shock of all this is gut-wrenching and agonizing on the onset. However; you take it on the chin, and pull from your inner-strength.
Find comfort from your friends and family. Do things that make you feel good, and just let the bad emotions run their course. Stay busy and don't let bitterness make you vindictive, or mar your character. This is just a part of coming into adulthood and growth.
You're studying to be a doctor. That means you're very intelligent. You have an affinity to learning, and this is one of life's lessons.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 In my opinion, it's not worth fighting for. Your differences truly do seem to be a problem to him. And when he breaks up with you, he suddenly forgets all the reasons why he feels you two aren't compatible and wants to get back to together. He convinces himself it's for the best and to give it another shot. And then two or three weeks later, is reminded again and again of your differences. It's a pattern. And he's clearly not happy or this wouldn't keep happening. I would move on. You two aren't right for each other.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (29 September 2013):
 You have high values and a strong belief, you have direction in your academic life and, no doubt, a bright future ahead of you.
I think your high values have made you a very alluring prize and now, the thrill of the chase is over for this guy, as you gave him what you said you wouldn't.
He has treated you very badly and used you in the worst possible way. He is a player and a user, he's not worth your love.
All you can do, sweetheart, is pick yourself up, hold your head high and move forward with your life.
Work hard and get great grades and be there to help your mother as much as you can.
You are a loving and giving person who tries to see the good in everyone, I bet, but sadly some people don't have as much good in them as you may want to believe.
The right man is out there but this guy sure isn't it.
I know this has been a painful experience for you but learn from it and become stronger. You clearly have good friends, lean on them, you have faith, let it support and guide you and remember, a man who truly loves you would never expect or want you to change who you are.
You are, who you are and your beliefs are part of you. Be true to them and anyone who tries to make you do something that goes against what you believe in your heart to be true is a person you can live without.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Not worth fighting for. He liked the chase and the fact that he "got" you. The thrill has gone and he has tried to break up with you twice. End it and find someone more compatible.
You friends were right.
Be who you are, don't change for a guy to keep him happy. Because in the end it will make YOU miserable.
What thing does he have of yours? Any of you mutual friends can perhaps help out and pick them up for you.
Let him go, block him, grab your dignity and move on.
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