A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There are a couple of similar posts up here today which is what brought me to this site, but none really sum up my situation properly which is why I am posting too.I am 28 and have been with my 25 year old boyfriend for 3.5 years. He is a music teacher so works unsociable hours (up to 10pm during the week), plus he plays a lot of acoustic gigs at the weekends. So we rarely have any time together.I have explained how I feel to him and he seems to take it on board and promises to make more effort to see me, yet he acts in the complete opposite way.Last night he told me he has joined a wedding band and is going to be playing gigs most Saturday nights from now on. His acoustic gigs are usually Thursdays and Sundays, so that leaves a Friday free between me and his friends.I told him I was upset that he'd committed to something else knowing I was unhappy with the amount of time we have now, and he said he wants to make more money (he makes loads more than me already, but he always wants more. Money is much more important to him than to me). I'd never want to come in between him and his dreams, but I find myself spending more and more time alone in our house as he is never there. I see my friends but they are all married now so there is a limit as to how much time they have free between their other commitments. I have to attend most of my family and friend's parties myself because of his hours, and now I will never have a Saturday night with him either.I'm thinking it might be time to cut my losses but to do that will break my heart. I just feel there is no point if we see each other only a few hours per week. Is there anything I can do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): If you need a man with regular hours, then end the relationship.
Musicians don't make a lot of money; unless they become famous.
If he is taking on extra gigs, he is trying to earn his place in his profession. He also needs the money.
For musicians, it's feast or famine. Their travel and time- schedules are stressful on relationships. As are doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, and any career that requires strong commitment in order to be successful. They manage to get married, have families, and still do what they love.
Their love-lives are only successful; when they finally find someone who understands how their professions dominate their time. In this case, you may have to move on. You may not be cut out for being a musician's girlfriend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): remember jay-z makes time for beyonce
T.i makes time for his wife .
there is no excuse, if you were a priority to him, you would have time with him .
no excuses!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 Unfortunately, that's the life of a "starving artist" musician. In order to have a relationship, it has to be an "off-peak" one. However, in this case, your guy seems to have abandoned all sense of balance. He should have made a matching provision with you, as in "I need to join this wedding band, but I want Thursday nights to be about us" or his taking an interest in your dreams.
That's a true partnership -- one where both people are making each other better, not simply one hanging around watching the other work and getting attention only during sex.
You have some tough choices here, and I don't envy you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2013):
 You are barely even on his list of priorities, it seems. I would end it if you need a BF to be there for you more then this one is.
After 3.5 years - a few hours a week is not at all sustainable. It might be for him, because if it didn't work for him, he would have found a way to see you more, he did the opposite.
Personally, I don't think it's about money, but more following a dream and it doesn't seem like you are part of that dream. I'm sorry.
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