A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, im called jade and it might be relevant to know im 18..i know this is nothing to do with a relationship, but im lost, and im really really desperate for some advice! ive recently finished college and im now on the look out for work, but ive got that much stress at home its unreal, i lived with my nan for most of my life, she brought me up and i was unbeliveably close to her! but just over 2 years ago she passed away, which meant i had no choice but to move out of the home, the council kicked me out when i couldnt pay rent. ive been living with my parents and siblings for over 18 months now.. but its awful! i cannot even cope here. noone can with all the stress. my mums recently been going through a breakdown and my parents are on the verge of seperation, theres 7 of us living in a 3 bedroomed house, constant arguements and as you can imagine its just constantly hectic. as soon as i can get a job, which im so desperate to do! im hoping to move out. but basicly one of the closest people ive ever had to me! lets call her lou for the sake of the question, she turned 15 in june, shes like my sister, we're so so close its untrue, but shes been through so much, she was raped a couple of years back, and she told no one.. and it ate away at her, she turned to alcohol (so young aswell) and she ended up dropping out of school, she mixed in with the wrong crowd, and as much as ive tried to help her, shes so messed up! eventually after putting up with it for so long, her mum kicked her out, she had enough and couldnt cope, she moved in with her dad for abit, and he had enough of her, she just seemed to get worse and worse! and he kicked her out also.. she was twoing and frowing between friends houses, and she eventually ended up going out with a man (aged 29) who she moved in with! she turns to boys (men) for attention, meeting them online, then meeting them for sex! shes got her self into some serious situations, (luckily enough, she knows im there and she phones me so i can help) shes lost a baby recently, and shes now ended up in care, living nearly 60 miles away from everyone she knows! shes constantly phoning me, crying down the phone, texting me, telling me she cant cope! she sent me a text last night saying "if i died would you come to my funeral?xxxxxx" which automatically got me worried! i replied saying "of course i would baby, but that aint gonna be for a long time xxxxxxx" and she replied with "would you have it the way iw anted it? no black clothes? no crying? just remanissin and smiles and all that malarkey? xxxxxx" i replied with "explain to me whats happened! im really worried xxxxxxx" and she put "please promise me youll look after the people that mean the world to me xxxxxxx" and i tried to ring her but she didnt answer! ive text her a couple of times and got no reply, then her facebook status tonight said "its time now, im sorry" and obviously im worried! ive text her and she says things are getting worse and worse, ive phoned her and spoke to her, gonna keep ringing her, because im really worried! and im gonna pick her up tomorrow and take her for a coffee and have a chat! but im gonna have a chat with her. then hopefully im gonna try speak to someone.. and see if there is any chance i could get a house, or flat.. and she could come and live with me, hopefully soon ill have an income! and for the time being i'd obviously need help, but that wouldnt be for long hopefully, but i just think she needs stability and security. and i honestly think if i go the right way about it that i can help her, she speaks to me, so i could try talk, give her advice, settle her, get her back into school. i just dont have a clue where to start! :| please can anyone offfer any advice? id be so greatful! thanks xxxx
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Get a professional involved!! She needs help and she isn't going to get it over a coffee and a chat, (no offense). You can't take on everybody's burdens... while its admirable, its unrealistic to ask of yourself... and its no wonder you're so stressed out.
Get her to see a counsellor, doctor, psych... (probably start with a doctor's opinion first), don't try to think that you alone can help her... Lets say for example that she did commit suicide and you were the only one trying to help her, you'd feel helpless and lets face it, slightly responsible.
To reiterate... get her some help.
Best of luck, I feel for ya, I really do :(
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