A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, please help me, i am so afraid that my wife will find out about a fling i had with a woman a few months back.I love my wife with all my heart and am so upset, because i made a stupid, stupid mistake and i just cant forgive myself for what i have done. My wife is a wonderful woman and i hate myself for what i have done on her. At the time i had the fling i was depressed and confused and was not myself, i still know that is no excuse.I deserve to be punished, i know, but i wish with all my heart and soul that i could take it back now, but i can't. I am crying as i write this because i don't know how to fix this, is there nothing i can do now? Honestly, i cant tell her, so please dont tell me it's better to tell her as i know this will ruin everything we have built up, and i am afraid she will leave me. Please don't tell me our relationship is based on a lie...everthing is not always that black and white..I have never cheated in my life and did not think i was capable of doing such a thing, so i suppose i don't know myself as much as i though i did.Has anyone ever been in the same situation as this and what did you do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): this man is not looking for advice, he just copied the exact working of the woman who wrote this yesterday, no doubt just to see how the responses differ if it were a guy asking the questions.
Its sad to think that a person cant come onto this website and get advice without being ridiculed and judge, i for one would thing twice about asking for advice here as its full of people who think they are full of morals and have the right to judge others.
to the person who copied this, get a life and stop wasting peoples time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): i have personallynever been the one who cheated but i have been cheated on, and i agree everything is not so black and white as it seems, there is more to it than the simple fact of cheating. When my boyfriend of many years cheated on me i never found out till a year and a half later, and i would have been so much more forgiving and much easier on him if he had told me himself, rather than hearing from someone else. If she finds out from someone else, which believe me itll probably happen they usually do, she will not only be hurt because u didnt tell her, but she'll be embarrassed that people knew and she had no clue, thinking everything was perfect. Believe me i know the feeling. Tell her, itll work out for the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): That's a tough call. I agree that it will slowly eat away at you if you don't tell her. At the same time, how do you tell your wife something like that? Before you wonder about what you should do, consider for a moment what it really comes down to. You think you figured out why you cheated, but perhaps you haven't quite. I'd try to figure out the real reason why it happened and what led you down that path. You say you were confused and depressed...from what? Did it have to do with your wife? I mean, you have to ask yourself the tough questions and be brutally honest with yourself as well.
And yes, I'm sure you do love your wife, but sooner than later, I really think you have to tell her. I had never cheated in any relationship, until one day. After it happened, I couldn't keep it to myself. Telling my fiance what happened wasn't what broke up the relationship however. I have never been able to repeat such a mistake after seeing the kind of hurt it caused someone else. I know you're afraid of losing her, but you have to do it. It's the only way.
By the way, why are you afraid she will found out now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Wow, this post seems to have irritated some people. Why did you cheat on your wife? Seriously, instead of wondering what you're gonna do now, wonder why you did what you did then. I mean, maybe if you find the answers to that question, you will figure out what to do now. What drives a person to treat their spouse that way? It makes me scared as hell of marriage! I guess some people arnt cut out for it. Hope it dosnt happen to me, I'd like to think I was good enough to have a faithful spouse, you know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Not what you want to hear but...you should tell her. This will eat away at you like a virus. It's better this comes out now than her find out about it some way months or years down the line. If your connection is strong you will doubtless get through this. Your wife may not be able to live with it, but can you live with yourself not telling her? That's the choice only you can make, but for the sake of your own sanity, I would tell her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): what the hell?? this exact question was posted a few hours ago but as a wife who has cheated on her husband so make up ur mind ... are u the wife or husband or stop posting shit on this website!!!
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 i think this you should just keep this to yourself and try to make sure that you will NEVER EVER do it again cause i sure if your wif found out the consequences will be bigger or you can try having this session where you two tell each other every thing then you tell her that and apologize.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): No I have never been in that situation. But I would say that you should tell her even though you don't think you should. If my husband cheated on me & I didn't know about it, I'd feel that he wasn't remorseful and didn't feel bad enough to face the consequences of his actions. Also you won't ever be able to heal until you admit it and get it off your chest. I cheated on boyfriends in the passed and that's how I know. She may not leave you. But I think she deserves to know. Good Luck, and I hope you learn from this experience. Also I know this was originally posted by a woman about cheating on her husband, and I'm curious to see how the answers vary.
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