A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am 22 yrs old, I am looking for someone who could give me a helpful insight regarding my situation. A year ago I met someone. He never became my bf. Although he wanted to, always telling me that I am perfect for him. I doubted his sincerity. But I know in my heart how I really for him. I have been in love with him from the very first day i saw him. But I forced to stop my feelings for him. I ignored him, most times, told him to stop and lied I am not interested with him. Until one day, he stopped. Did I miss him, yes. I never tried to communicate w/him after that. I said to myself it was better that way. However all this time, God knows I only pray for him to come back. I dated some guys but I have never forgotten him. I know that I was wrong. I am so full of pride. Now his in town. He invited me for a small get together. I thought it was just me and him but he invited some common friends, too. I don't know what to do. After all this time, I still want him. I think I love him. If not why did I ask my mum to pray that may God bring him back to me? Why do I always include him my prayers almost every night to come back to me. By the way, he did not invite me directly. He just asked a mutual friend to tell me to come to his little get together dinner. I still have feelings for him. I want him so bad. It's so hard to tell him. It's so hard to show him. I am really over this. Please help. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I am also scared to know that he might be getting married now or he has a gf or he's married already. I don't want to know those things. I guess I just have to run away from him again. Please help. Thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): You know for certain he has a girlfriend? If so then leave it off, sounds like you'd find it too hard.
Time to focus your attention elsewhere then. You must have some pretty vicious insecurities if you think he hates you when he's invited you to a get together dinner. There's zero chance he hates you and I can see my original approach and advice to you was counter-productive, to put it lightly.
OP we all have insecurities, we're all vulnerable in some way. It's part of being human and it's what makes things like love a big risk but that really is part of what makes the whole thing more rewarding. I've been hurt and exposed in relationships, and felt lows I didn't even know were possible to sink to in the past but it was all worth it, as it's led to my life as it is now with an incredible wife. I learned my lessons well each time.
Who knows, you may make even less mistakes than me or meet your lifelong love in the next guy you get with. But that's not going to happen unless you conquer your fear of risk and your insecurities.
Don't let insecurities hold you back, deal with them or change them. For example weight can be changed fairly easily but things like worrying about being tall enough, smart enough, funny enough they're best dealt with by using your loved ones as mirrors, use the way they treat you and the regard they hold you in to tell you whether those insecurities have any real effect on your life and the way others view you. I bet they don't other than the internal effects, so focus your attention more outward.
Chalk this one down to a lesson learned. Next time take the plunge. If you want to figure out if a guy is sincere about liking you then do it through dating if you like him too.
OP insecurities can be dealt with. If they're so profound to you that they're having too much of an impact on your life then don't be afraid to get outside help when dealing with them.
Religion seems to be source of great comfort to you, I'm sure your pastor/priest etc. will be happy to help you with them, as will your loved ones and you could even seek a professional.
OP don't let mental blocks stop you from having the things you want in life. We only get one chance at this, you have nothing to fear from making mistakes. They're how we grow as humans.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): I am the original question asker for this post. Thank you for all your advices. The problem with I am very scared to fall in love. I am scared to admit to myself and to him that I want him more than friends. I have these big insecurities within me and I am not prepared to see my insecurities. I am always sure about myself. Most people find me pretty and I even had a modeling experienced before. But deep inside I am full of insecurities. Especially in the eyes of the man I love and care. I love him so much that I don't want him to hate me more. I guess I have to leave things the way they are. I know I can never have him. He has a gf now. I just want him to be happy. So I'm not going.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2014): OP, again you're backing off and showing no fight. Go and see what happens. If he's single then tell him you like him etc.
Look I was harsh in my original post but it obviously backfired and instead of stirring up a fight in you it's caused you to doubt yourself even more. I'm sorry for that.
OP you have to earn everything good in life and you have to stand up and fight when you really want something and not just back down over the slightest doubt.
You're really going to just give up over what a stranger on the internet has to say about your situation? None of us even know you.
I said you've done nothing to deserve getting this guy and you haven't, I was hoping you'd respond by saying "well fuck it, I'm going to prove you wrong and go for it" instead you've done the opposite.
No one said you were bad for him, the way you've acted doesn't exactly make you primary dating material and right now you're confirming that instead of actually standing up and deciding you can be.
The main point of my vicious response was to point out how much your approach to this situation is killing your chances and you've decided they're dead. Instead of taking my point about how running away and praying isn't going to get you anywhere, you just go and do that again. You've learned nothing and instead of seeing what our advice really means you've taken to heart only the criticisms of your behaviour, and instead of trying to change that behaviour you just solidify it.
Best of luck, OP. This is one of those times in life where you have an opportunity to do something really good and you're just going to let doubt and fear get the better of you and you'll never know what could have been. No amount of prayers will console the fact that in life, when it counts, you just won't grab it by the balls and go for what you want.
There is nothing stopping you going. If he's single then there's nothing stopping you from telling him that you like him in that way. If I were you I'd suck it up, I'd go and I'd make my move. If he's not interested or spoken for then at least I won't have a niggling question in my mind of what would have happened if only I had the balls to actually take a chance.
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reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 But OP, are you still that person who made him unhappy, would you still rebuff his advances if you showed interest in you? If yes then I agree that it's best not to meet him and possibly hurt him. But if you're now open to dating him, and you can stop doubting his sincerity if he says he likes you, I see no harm in meeting him again. Just keep your expectations low, as you're right, he may well have moved on and be with another woman by now.
You got things wrong a year ago, but if you've learned something in the past year and can honestly say you won't make the same mistakes, I say meet him. At worst, you'll find out he's no longer interested but at least that will give you some closure so you can put it behind you and stop praying for him every night.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2014): I am the original poster. mabe you guys are right. I am not going and he deserves better than me. thank you for letting me know I am bad for him. I want him to be happy, cleaarly I am not the girl who can make him happy. So I will not go and see him.
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reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (2 March 2014):
 Here is how I see things: this guy was too good for you in the first place, and you prefered having fun with others guys instead of being with him.
After a while - and some fun with other guys - you have realized you missed a good catch. Moreover, none of your "in-between guys" have turned to be good enough for you, and now you are needy for a better catch... oh, my God § What have I done ? This guy would have been perfect, but alas, you wasted your chance !
And now he is back, you're insecure and are quaking "like a virgin to her first time" 5as song Madonna)... But if you want my opinion, you two are not made for each other. If you were, you would have not missed your chance when this guy was chasing you again and again.
So no, never ask him out, let him alone. At least if I were him, I would never go out with somebody who showed me I was not good enough for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): See what happens at the get together. If he is with someone then it wouldn't be right to pour out your feelings to him and stir up trouble. With all due respect if he's moved on then you should accept that you blew your chance and move on too.
Above all though take it easy, OP. If he's smart then he's completely given up on the idea of being with you as he knows how disinterested you really are. I wouldn't believe you for one second that you somehow always had feelings for me when you acted so cold, and told me you weren't interested. You see I'd see you as a liar because you are and I'd see you as a liar this time about your feelings always being there because you pretty much treated his attempts to get with you with lies and ignorance, and are only saying all this now because you miss the attention.
I know the others here will be softer and have sympathy for you, and even tell you to go for it regardless of whether he is with someone but I believe if you really care about him you'd let him find someone who is not as difficult a person to be with as you. I mean you prayed to God instead of just sending a message. You've quite literally done nothing to prove to this guy that you're in any way a person worth dating. You won't even fight for the guy, you lie to him, ignore him, and just think prayers will do it all for you.
OP if you're really Irish then you know the old saying "you never get anything unless you ask" well asking god doesn't count. You've literally done nothing to deserve this guy but play games.
With all due respect to your faith, in the real world only talking to people ever solves anything and prayers quite simply won't cut it.
See what happens, if he's single then go for it. But just be careful to temper your expectations, if he's smart he won't go anywhere near a game playing, liar who doesn't know how to resolve real life issues or take risks.
OP I'm being harsh as hell for a reason, you need to snap out of this fantasy bubble and realize the way you treated him and this situation has screwed you. You sound like a lot of work, a LOT of work and instead of dealing with life you run for cover and just pray instead. What happened to the biblical lesson of 'treat others how you wish to be treated'? You'd want someone to treat you like you did him?
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