A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbrokenagain123
writes:HI All.Thank you in advance for reading and for your response. I guess I writing about what I am going through in order to get a hold of my emotions and receive advice on what I should do next.I was dating a man for over 7 months and I just found out he had a long-distance girlfriend the entire time. I am hurting because he lied to me and kept this hidden because he knew that I would not have gotten involved with him if I had known. To give you context, I work overseas in countries where it is common practice for men to have a wife/official girlfriend at home and a new “girlfriend” to keep them happy when they are away from the U.S. To each its own I say, but I never wanted to be trated as the other woman. I specifically asked if he had a girlfriend back home and he denied it. Now I feel like everything he said and shared with me was a complete lie. We were an official couple in front of everyone, his friends, mine, our work colleagues, etc. I share so much of myself with him. I did everything to make life better for him. For those 7 months, all I ever wanted was to make him happy. And I felt for him hard. Now, I am so embarrassed and feel like a fool. I should have done my homework; I should have not been so gullible and trusting. The most pathetic part is that I learned of his real girlfriend on facebook—not on his profile but through a shared friend. All of his friends and coworkers knew, as they were friends with her and commented on all their public displays of love, which never appeared on his wall but only hers. I always trusted and belived everything he said at face-value. Now I know that he was too perfect to be true. He actually went back to the U.S. last week but his friends and cowers are still here. What is killing me inside is how they must have laughed at me behind my back. I am sure they were giving him high-fives for having a permanent source of sex away from home. I was warned about men-in-uniforms and their callous, tactless behavior when it came to respecting women and relationships. But I thought he was different. I thought he felt I was different. But that was just a strategy.Now I know that I will not be able to ever trust a man. This will be part of my official baggage. All I do is think about what I could have done differently. At my age (early 30s), I should know better. How do I make myself feel better? Should I confront him and let his girlfriend know of this situation? I wish I could make him feel as hurt and miserable as I am feeling right now.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Hi,As awful as this sounds ( what I am about to tell you )...you will be better for it.This is a dust yourself off, hold your head up high and move on moment. You are to be the epitome of the perfect lady. You don't need to go calling anyone's wife and stirring up discord between a marriage. You have done nothing wrong and you need to keep it that way because karma is a byatch...sorry. You yourself said that you should have known better about men in uniforms etc...honey, it's men in uniforms, khaki pants, short pants and skinny jeans....it's not only uniforms. He lied to you.....all you did was be a wonderful girlfriend..and lady...so let us keep that you are a lady.As for the friends who you think laughed at you behind your back....I don't think they laughed, but they knew about his real girlfriend...but remember they are his friends and their alliances are to him...not you. Understand that and accept it. You WiLL not be able to trust anyone easily again, that will take some serious time to get over this hurt, and to build your self confidence back up again where assessing someone is concerned...and that's life puppet. You're not the first lady and you certainly won't be the last that this is happening to.What you can do differently is this. Don't make the next person you meet pay for this man's misdeeds. Dont judge them on the hurts that you have experienced with this SOB. Every man is unique...and you will meet some stinky toads before the frog prince comes along. You're gonna feel rotten as ever now, but with time and focusing on the positives in your life.....it will get better. Lose contact with him and know that you are worth more than gold and hope that missy girlfriend sees the light. I would also advise that in the event that you guys weren't sexually safe...that you get yourself checked.Take care of you!
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