A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dearcupids :-) I need some guidance on a situation, don't really know what is going on. There's a guy who recently started paying a lot of attention to me. Initially, we didn't really talk much but i'd often notice him staring at me during class. Then as time went on, he would initiate conversations with me, taking a general interest in my life and being really friendly. The thing was, I'm a fairly shy and reserved person so it took me a while to be more open and comfortable around him!Anyway, we ended up exchanging numbers (His idea, but I didn't really think anything of it). He then began texting me quite regular, and inviting me out all the time. This is when it finally clicked lol. The other night he was texting me while he was drunk drunk and was complimenting me on how nice I looked that day, and was saying how he couldn't wait for us to go for a meal (to celebrate end of exams). I just remember thinking what a sweet guy he is, and was looking forward to spending time with him (as 'friends'). Then later that night, he confessed that he likes me. Obviously, I already knew this but I didn't expect him to actually tell me! I didn't know how to respond either! If i'm completely honest, I do like him. However, I've been denying it to myself for quite a while (for various reasons which i'll explain at the end). Anyway, in my reply to his text I was really nice about it, said that I was flattered and thanked him! He seemed a bit awkward afterwards, like he was embarrassed. Then to my horror, asked if I liked him back! I'm terrible at expressing my feelings, and didn't want to put myself in a vulnerable position so I just said I wasn't sure how I felt. He also claimed that he wasn't asking me out or anything, and that he just wanted to know if I liked him. The next morning he was texting me again, and said he was really drunk the night before and hardly remembers a thing. I personally think he was just saying that to cover up.Now he's being slightly distant towards me! He's been texting me, but not putting any x's, and usually he texts me non-stop but our conversations are cut short now. The most annoying thing is the meal that we had planned, didn't happen. I was really looking forward to it too! I don't really know how to procede with the situation. I daren't tell him I like him because I don't want to look stupid. Also, he already expressed that he wasn't interested in a relationship! So if nothing is going to happen, then is there any point in me even telling him? What makes the situation complicated is that there's an older man in my life too. We were really close at one point and he was full of promises that he would never hurt me and that we'll one day be together (he lives long distance) and I really fell for him. However, his behaviour has completely changed towards me over the last few months, he barely contacts me anymore so I don't have a clue where I stand.I'm confused as anything as to what to do! I promised myself that i'd wait as long as it takes for my long-distance guy, but because of the lack in contact, my feelings are fading away. Yet when we do talk, he's incredibly affectionate towards me. My head is telling me to give up and pursue someone more worthy but I don't want to hurt him. He's really sensitive and has had his heart broken in the past. I'm torn between two men and it's driving me mad!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Well how much older is this other guy? How old are you? Is he married? In a relationship? Does he have kids? Have you ever met him? I need more info on the older man otherwise I cant really say who you should go for.
As for the guy who has been texting you - he really likes you and you hurt his feelings by saying you were not sure how you felt. He now thinks you dont like him, hence why he is now being distant. Guys will often say they dont want a relationship, but if the right girl comes along they will easily change their minds. So chances are, he might have really liked you and if you had returned his feelings, there may have potentially been a relationship on the cards.
You might just be able to save this if you act now and are honest with him - you will need to text him to tell him that you are sorry for what you said the other night, that you are just scared to express your emotions and you do actually really like him. Tell him you would really like to go out for that meal with him if he is still interested, and then hope he texts you back.
But this all depends on your older guy - you will have to end things with him if you are starting to go out on dates with other guys. Totally up to you - its hard to say who will be better for you without knowing anything about the older man.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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