A
female
age
30-35,
*ub_Lia
writes:Hi, I'm 18 years old and have been in a relationship for just under a year and a half. I love my boyfriend, and we've been through a lot as a couple - I've suffered from bulimia and self harm, and we've also had to deal with a lot of issues together.However, there's one thing I can't tell him. I crave dominance, I'm naturally submissive and want to explore the BDSM scene - we've done some tying up, spanking ect but I want to delve deeper into my own sumbission, but there are two problems:1. He can also be very submissive, though we are both okay with switching every so often. 2. I don't know how to bring it up with him, I fear rejection and I hate the thought of him either laughing at me, or feeling like he has to dominate me. :(Please help! Thank you. :) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): Don't ever consider looking for d/s outside of your relationship. Like someone said, there are a lot of psychos out there that would prey on someone vunerable!
Communicate with your partner, if he is anything like me, he will enjoy it.
Just take it by degrees though, you don't want to overwhelm him or made him insecure. Give him positive feedback if you enjoy something.
My girlfriend doesn't give me feedback because she is shy & afraid I will get cocky :-(. I only want to know if I'm doing it right, lol.
A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I don't see the problem here really, just ask him, how do you no he won't be interested? All you guys have to do is talk about it, you've already done a bit so maybe he's willing to go further
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A
female
reader, delicatepink  +, writes (28 August 2012):
I understand where you are coming from, I've suffered on and off from anorexia and have always been attracted to bdsm because I find the control aspect of it . both having that little bit of extra control over someone else and being able to trust someone else enough to give up control is erotic.I think before you get your bf involved you want to decide how far you want to go and decide on what your looking for with bdsm. Do you want someone to rolplay with? Giving orders etc? Are you more interested in bondage? ( being tied up or bound in different positions) do you want a punishment aspect to it? (over the knee spanking, paddling, etc..) is there some special naughty kink you wanna try?Do your research. And no 50 shades of grey doesn't count. Lol become confident and comfortable with what you want and when you go to approach the subject with your bf don't be super serious about it keep it light and fun :) that's the way sex with someone you love should be . It shouldn't be scary or hard or I think that means you're taking the wrong approach. Try saying I was wondering if we could try something new or I think it would be really sexy if you did this or wouldn't it be fun to try this?It sounds like you've already tried some light stuff. That's a good way to start out. Experiment see what you like and if you want to you can get more hardcore if youre both comfortable. Above all keep it safe , sane and consensual :) and remember to make sure you're both comfortable with everything and have a safe word. Also from someone who has had some experience dating and being young in the bdsm community. I would stay away from it. People have a tendency to prey on younger people especially if they have issues and try to talk them into things that they're really not comfortable with. So keep it with you and you're bf:) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2012):
 If you two have been through hall that you NEED to be able to talk about sex and your sexual fantasies.
Just talk.
(and I agree with anon male I truly hope it has nothing to do with the lame book series 50 shades - the "sex" has nothing to do with bdsm)
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A
female
reader, Sub_Lia +, writes (27 August 2012):
Sub_Lia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, I've no interest in the book. I've had these urges and ideas for years. _
Also; I'm in therapy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Why because "50 shades of grey " is the new cult fad? Reads to me like you already have a few issues, puking after meals and self harm. Why add sexual torture to the mix? My advice...get a psychological evaluation.
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