A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have no clue what’s going on with me, so here we go. I’ve been with my hubby for 10 years, and we just had our first child last year. Fortunately we have a great baby, he is never sick and is always happy, and sleeps through the night. About the past month, my husband has been incredibly kind, sexy, and sweet to me. He would tell me how sexy I was, how much he wanted me, how great of a mother I was, and text me all day about all the stuff he wanted to do with me. I must say it was refreshing to know that I could still be attractive to him after all these years, but none of his actions or text did anything for me at all. In fact nothing has in the past month. All these years, I ve asked my hubby what he wants and makes him happy. He will ask me the same and to tell him what I want, but I turn it back on him telling him I want to make him happy. So after sitting and thinking ”what does make me happy? What turns me on?” I had to do a google search because I couldn’t come up with anything on my own. And I even struggled to get my own self turned on which led me to believe something was wrong. As a new mother I was wondering if its hormones or am I completely missing something here? And how could I not know what I like and what turns me on? I am on a IUD that releases hormones, and one of the side effects is lack of sex drive. But this is more like a total utter loss. At this point I could care less if I ever got laid again, but I don’t want to be unfair to my husband, and I know its not healthy for me either. Has this happened to anyone before? Is there anything I can do until I go see my doctor?
View related questions:
sex drive, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 June 2012):
Hi there. Before you became a mother, how was your sex life then?
Up until you became pregnant, you must surely have got into the mood for love at some point during your average monthly cycle.
Did you used to enjoy making love, prior to having your baby?
As a new mother, you are probably tired a lot of the time and this would leave you short on energy in the first place, so sex would probably be the last thing on your mind anyway.
You probably just feel like going to bed to sleep and nothing more!
It sounds like taking the contraceptive pill could be a better option for you, instead of the IUD which you currently have.
And as the known side effects of wearing an IUD as you say, are a reduced libido, well that's not helping much either is it?
So the combination of an IUD, plus all the time and dedication it takes to care for a young baby, it's no surprise whatsoever that you have no interest in sex.
What would be better for you to do now, would be to go see your family doctor and see what would be the most suitable option - other than the IUD.
Apart from the reduced libido situation, after a while the skin in your womb can begin to grow around the IUD and it could cause the need for you to have it surgically removed.
So there is another thing to consider.
As far as I know, you usually need to get the IUDs checked out regularly to make sure there are no problems with them inside your body.
And then after a couple of years, they then have to be removed anyway, and a decision made whether to place another IUD in it's place or use other forms of contraception.
IUDs can sometimes cause problems of their own.
Now, as far as what turns you on in the bedroom.
You must have enjoyed sex at one point - pre parenthood - so the chances are, whatever you enjoyed then, you probably still do now.
And you obviously enjoyed each other in bed in the first place, enough to commit to being a lifetime couple.
Nothing much really changes as far as sexual tastes are concerned. People don't change that much.
It's possible that with becoming a parent, you are slightly overwhelmed with it, and have simply forgotten how good your lovemaking with your husband used to be.
I believe, it's not anything complex.
Sometimes you just need to step back from a situation, and look at it from a different perspective.
What was there between you sexually before your baby was born, is no doubt still there now.
You just need to find it again.
You are still the same person now, as you were before you fell pregnant.
One way to discover what you like and don't like, is when you are on your own and your husband is at work, and baby is asleep, you could experiment with your own body and responses, by masturbating.
It is a very good way to find what gives you pleasure, and what does nothing for you whatsoever.
It could also help you to get back into the mood of wanting to make love once more.
You don't have to tell your husband that you are doing that, and it will help you to find your sexuality once more.
Then when you are with your husband, you can verbally tell him what you like - and guide him.
And no matter what, you really MUST make a point of visiting your family doctor about removing your IUD, and seriously look at other forms of suitable contraception.
Please, don't delay in doing this.
Not only will it prevent any problems later with the IUD, it will also normalize your hormones as well.
And this alone, has to be a positive, surely.
|
