A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel really cross with my partner. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. One of my major hobbies is dancing. When my partner and I got together we chatted about our hobbies and felt it was important that we had separate hobbies because he hated dancing and I didn't really enjoy his hobbies either. I did try to encourage him to dance with me when we were at social functions like weddings but he wouldn't dance so I didn't force the issue knowing he disliked it so much.A few months ago, my boyfriend and I went to a friend's wedding. At the reception I noticed that he got talking to two female acquaintances but it really seemed that he was chatting them up. I knew for a fact that they were no threat (as 'he was barking up the wrong tree' so to speak). I didn't tell him this. However, I was stunned later on to see him dancing with one of them when earlier I had asked him to dance with me and he had told me he didn't want to. It could be that by then he had had a bit to drink but I wondered if he was dancing with them in the hope that something would come of it, and asking myself why he wouldn't dance with me.You see, I know of a school friend of my dance partner who refused to attend dance lessons with his wife for many years saying he didn't like it, but the moment they split up he started going and even got a girlfriend who was hugely into dancing. I thought he was a total jerk.However, now I am starting to think my boyfriend is too. I mean the only reason that I can think that a man would refuse to enjoy a hobby with his partner/wife and then go and do it with another woman would be if he was hoping to go to bed with her. I can't think there would be any other reason because either you enjoy a hobby or you don't!! I could be just making a mountain out of a molehill but I can't help thinking it is devious behaviour. I would particularly like to hear a guy's perspective on this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): You are making way too much of this. He probably had a couple too many and felt like dancing. He probably doesn't attach much significance to the episode.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 January 2010):
My husband won't dance with me except for very rare occasions like at a wedding.
However he has been known to get drunk and dance with his mates in a bouncing up and down madness, baggy trousers kind of way.
If he was dancing with this woman being drunk and stupid then it could be because he didn't really care what she thought of him and his dancing, where as with you there would be pressure to get it right.
If he was dancing with her in an intimate way, in the way you would like him to dance with you, then you have a problem.
I think you are right to have a bit of a go at him about this and ask him what the hell is going on. Give him a chance to make it up to you. Now he's lost his dancing virginity so to speak, he may be happy to make a bit more effort with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 January 2010):
When a man doesn't do something for the woman he is supposed to love, but he does it for another, then he's not into the woman he loves. He doesn't sound all that interested in you or who you are, and you've said you've seen this happen once yourself. Think twice about staying with this guy.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 I'm not a guy but I know how guys tick. my friend is dating this really cruddy guy. We were all at a new years eve party and her boyfriend told her he hated getting his picute taken. Well, I decided to play a game and test that statement (for my friends sake). So me, playing nancy drew, decided to go around and take pictures and this is what I came up with:
1. He did not want to be in any pictures with my friend whom he calls his girlfriend
2. He was very willing to be in pictures with every other girl there, including myself
3. He even went above and beyond that to kiss some of the girls cheeks in those pictures
my poor friend realized that night that she was not the gltter in his eye anymore and that he was definately scoping out the party for potential new girls for himself. some guys are weird like that and pig like.
idk thats what I related to when I read your situation.
I think that if he honestly didn't like dancing he woulnd't dance with those other girls, maybe he felt rude saying no to complete strangers but that can't be it, because by dancing with them he was being rude to you for
1. dancing with a girl thats not you
2. telling you no previously.
I'd say this molehill is a mountain.
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