A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a situation, I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me but we agreed to work stuff out. As it was a year later I found out he confessed everything we confronted the situation spoke to a counceller. But before we did all this I found myself confiding in a friend about the situation because I had noone to talk to and nowhere to turn. I feel that this situation has crossed the line he said he would love to be with me if me and my partner broke up. We have engaged in sexual conversation not about each other but in general. I can't help but feel I have crossed the line, whilst I know I physically would not cheat on my partner I feel that I have emotionally cheated because of the given situation. I'm not saying my actions are good. I love my partner. But I think I have feelings for my friend too? Things have been amazing with my partner sex great everything it's gotten 100% better. But I'm caught up in this from before we resolved things. I don't want to loose my friend but I can't help but feel maybe I should. I don't want to deceive my partner it would make me a hypocrite.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (26 July 2012):
Stop feeling guilty, you’ve no reason to. It’s good that you and your partner are working through your issues and trying to get the relationship on track. However this does not mean that when things were bad, you were wrong to seek support from a friend. There are 2 issues here which you’re failing to separate: your confession to your friend about your partner’s cheating, and your feelings for this friend. They are separate issues. In terms of revealing to the friend about your partner’s infidelity, that was okay, move on from it! As for whether you should keep this friendship, it depends on whether you think that you could settle for just a friendship with this man, or whether your feelings are too strong for that. If that is the case, you’ve either got to put some distance from this man or leave your current relationship to be with him. That’s a decision only you can make. In the meantime, the fact that you have feelings for some-one else doesn’t make you a hypocrite: there’s a huge difference between just having thoughts and feelings, and acting on them.
I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (26 July 2012):
Im big on not doing your laundry in public. Once you've released information, you can never get it back, and you've totally lost control of who gets it from then.
The temptation is to vent, and I understand that, but realize the problem is between you and your partner, and no one else. If you happen to work it out, all of these other people are going to know about the problem forever.
Ive had many people in similar situations tell me they wish they never told others in moments of weakness. My advice is stand on your own two feet and work out problems with the person you're having the problems with. If you cant, move on.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (26 July 2012):
 Everyone needs someone to talk to when we go through traumatic things in our lives. You do too. I don't see that you did anything wrong.
You could be having feelings for this friend because he was there when you needed him, was a good listener, and helped you at a time you needed him most. You couldn't trust your boyfriend at that time, so you could have developed deeper feelings for him at that juncture.
It is really hard to get over cheating and trust issues in a relationship. You want to forgive, but sometimes it is easier said than done. I think Aunt Honesty has the right idea here that you need to explore these feelings and decide whether they are more powerful than the feelings for your boyfriend. Could you see yourself being happy with this friend? Take some time to sort our your feelings.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 You never done nothing wrong here, and am not sure why you think that you did. You confided in a friend about some trouble in your relationship nothing wrong with that, that's what friends are there for. I think you are feeling bad because you know your friend has deeper feelings for you. Also talking about intimate things again is not a crime. Normal chat between two friends.
As for your feelings for your friend, you need to decide are they more powerful than that off your boyfriend. If not then I suggest you just be honest with your friend, tell him you are happy with your boyfriend and you would never do anything to harm the relationship. Maybe you both need to take some distance in the friendship so you both can get over your feelings.
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