A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently confessed my 10 year love to a girl. I was a little shy so I left her a present along with a note saying that I am deeply interested in her. Initially she did not see the note and thanked me for the present saying that it was a pleasant surprise. Later that day, I got a text from her saying that she read my note and asked me some time to think about it. I replied saying that I waited for this long and that I have all the time in the world. I know those were some big words but I am a little confused about the girl asking me for more time. She could be "really" thinking about the whole issue or just thinking of a polite reason to turn me down. What is the best thing to do in this situation? Keep waiting for her to say something on her own? I am fully freaked out about a rejection but if it ought to happen, it will no matter what right? I am unable to even say a hi because I'm worried that might be the last conversation... Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel horrible right now... and more than that confused and ridiculous... I asked her out for a coffee and she finally opens up and tells me she has a boy friend and that I shouldn't waste my time on her. I apologized for troubling her and told her that I never "wasted" time on her.Then she calls me up and asks "Do you still want to come for the coffee?" making me feel totally ridiculous! Like an idiot, I said yes... and now I don't know what to talk with her... It all feels so awkward :(
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 January 2010):
I know it took a lot of guts and she knows that too.
I think sending her a text is a good idea. Ask her to meet up so you can talk about it. Don't say "I'm ready to hear anything" as that means she has to give a definite yes or no and she might just not know.
Meet up and say you are sorry if you made things awkward but you just wanted to tell her how you felt and see if she felt the same.
I really hope it goes your way.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am just crazy about her :( Some things just can't be explained isn't that the case? The only reason I confessed is because its been one-sided until now and if she rejects, it will still be one-sided, except that I will stop bothering her.
We were classmates for two years who began talking in our senior year. Then we got separated for graduate school. We were occasionally in contact over email but that was it! Before the separation, I told her I had a crush on her but she did not seem to take it seriously and am sure she doesn't even remember it. Recently, we realized we were in the same city for a short duration and decided to meet. That's when I felt that I should tell her but held it back for later until last week when I confessed...
And how about this? I will wait for another 1-2 weeks and just ask her: "I'm ready to hear anything but over a cup of coffee". I just hate rejections over SMS... Will this be too much to ask? Its so easy to talk with friends but when it comes to someone you love, I don't know why it is so complicated!
And finally, about giving her the option, I did not know what else to do. I'll snap back to reality for a couple of minutes. As I said, I am really crazy about her. She might not know me enough to start loving me but she somewhat knows me. Now, how will she love me if she doesn't know about me? I did not say "I love you" but I just confessed that she means a lot to me and gave her the option to decide if she wants to see me again. I had no opportunities to meet her so that I could impress her so the only thing I could do was to tell her that I was interested. I know I messed up any remote chances but was it a mistake? I mean, it did me a lot of guts to actually leave that note... wow.. never got so worried even for my final exam!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
Well if someone comes up to you and says "I've been thinking about you a lot and I would really like to take you out for dinner." Then you'll say yes, because it's not too serious and if it doesn't go well you can be honest and say it's not going to work.
If someone comes up and says "I LOVE YOU!!! With the passion of a thousand layers of fire and I want to be with you always and I've felt like this for 10 years!!!" then you can either say "ok, lets have dinner.." and know that means he's planning the children's bedrooms because he already has the wedding booked and paid for.
OR you can say no and BREAK HIM.
You've put her under the most enormous amount of pressure. You've given her your incredibly fragile heart and then run off leaving her holding it in the street.
It's no wonder she's trying to figure out what to say.
You've basically said "serious relationship or I kill myself." What would you answer to that?
Good Luck!! xx
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