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female
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*ack Bauer's lover
writes: Arggghhh!!!I feel like banging my head against the computer screen, i feel so stupid!This goes back quiet a while.This guy who comes down the local pub is absolutely gorgeous, he's kind funny and has always been there for me.Once me and my (ex) boyfriend had an argument and i sat outside the pub where we'd had the argument crying, this guy, picked me up off my feet, (not literely!) and gave me a lift back to my house.We're always talking and having fun, except my feelings grew and grew for him.We are both quiet shy people, him being more shy then me and i didnt confess for ages. Another problem is that he has a girlfriend who he is living with.On his birthday we were larking around, both drunk, and i was thanking him for everything he'd done for me, then he whispered in my ear that he loved me!Not sure whether this was just a friendly love or more meaningful, i let it slip.Just recently i phoned him up and confessed my feelings. I wasnt drunk, i just needed to get it out, i hate being in limbo and not knowing where i stand.He said: "I think your a nice girl, and if things were different id definately be intersted, but im with my girlfriend and im settled down."I couldnt believe it. Id set myself up for rejection, but this really hurt, but it hurt so much because it made me look and feel stupid!I havent a clue what to do now, i havent seen him yet, as this was only a few days ago, but i will see him again down the pub.How do i act around him!? Any advice counts please!Thank you xxx
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drunk, has a girlfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2006): he's a loser. no girl should have a guy say that to them when he has a girlfriend. Thats too serious.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Confessing is a very risky thing to do, and it is all the more risky when you are reacting to someone's drunken words.
When you are around him, treat him no better than you would any other friend. And really mind the boundaries. He said something while drunk that he very likely would not have said while sober. When people get drunk they tend to let their emotions take control of their minds. For some people, anger takes over; for some, sadness; for this guy, lust takes over.
I'm not in any way condoning his behaviour. If he was any kind of decent bloke he would have apologized for his lack of emotional control. I had to do that once in high school when I let a friend of mine get too friendly with me when we were drunk. We didn't let the incident destroy our friendship, although either of us could easily have done so.
Don't be too harsh on yourself. I think he in fact tried to let you down easily, but if he apologized for his behaviour that would have been even better.
To paraphrase Irish49 you have some choices; allow this incident to mess with your mind and self-esteem, or see that this incident doesn't matter a wit to your reputation and get on with becoming the person you want to be.
Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 He was drunk when he told you he loved you. Next time wait until the guy is sober before you believe what he says. Now all you can do is act like nothing happened and go back to the pub and have fun. Lesson learned. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2006): I am sorry he did this to you. He clearly was looking for some 'fun on the side' and nothing more, dear. His behaviours should be telling you about his true character.
How do you act around him? You two options: You can allow this to erode your self-esteem, you can become bitter and negative over it. Or.... you can realize that life is too short to mull over this ass and you take a strong positive attitude and carry on with life. Smile, hold your head high, laugh and have fun with other friends. Be politely distant with him, or even ignore him, if you wish. He's not worthy. But the trick is, the more you love life and not allow these challenges that come along get to you, the more you will keep your self-respect intact. Be strong, dear..it will make you feel better and no guy is worth tearing you down like this. Hang in there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2006): im in da sme type ofd situation exept i havent cofessed my feelins. n he isnt in a relationship bt is getin in 1! so i kinda no hw u feel. i wish i culd confess n i wz proud n jelous dat u were able 2 confess so dnt feel stupid bcuase u did da rite ting!!!!! tings wil never gt started wiv lads if dey dnt ave a hint at hw u feel, remeber dey r da sme az us! if u wuld culd u answer me dis shuld i tell him? n jst act natural wiv him if he rejects u or says sumit hurtfull wuld u ave wnted 2 of been wiv sum1 lyke dat in da 1st place? also his txt suggests dat e mite ave sumit 4 u so remeber 2 b dere as a shoulder 2 cry on if he needs u! jst lyke e wz 4 u!!! hpe ive helped xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Well he whispered in your ear that he loves you. That has a VERY clear meaning in my book. None of this 'friendly love' business... what he said can be taken to mean one thing...
... which then turned out to be untrue.
I'm not surprised you felt rejected and hurt. He gave a clear signal that he was interested, you reciprocated, and he said no.
You just have to act 'normal' around him (whatever that really means). Just put the idea of a relationship with him out of your mind. He said clearly that he is with his girlfriend, so unless there is any change there then no relationship is on the cards. Don't hold out for him, and don't let yourself become his 'bit on the side' if that ever comes up.
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