A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Seriously, I love my gf and in my own little mental world I believe that she is faithful to me, and would love me unconditionally. I believe that we are soul mates and that her and I will forever live a happy life together. I believe that our relationship is perfect in every way, and that we are both filled with happiness.But then, I start to think... Am I being naive? Am I just sap that buys into these mind games? How can I trust her, how can I be sure? How will I know... She has had a promiscuous past and cheated on one of her bf's... I think ohh that is the past, but then, I come to this site and read everyones problems... Women saying: oh I love my bf and he thinks I am cheating on him... But I only cheated on him once this morning! Or... I am in a committed relationship and have cheated with 30 other blokes and I cant help myself... The list goes on and on!I thought that coming to these sites would make things easier, but it seems to be making it worse for me. How rare is it that I have found true love, and that we will live a faithful monogamous relationship together? Am I dreaming here... Does these sort of relationships still exist? All I want is to be loved, to love, and to be together with her as one...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Quote: "All I want is to be loved, to love, and to be together with her as one..."
I think that is what most people want most in life, with good health being the other important thing. Be happy for what you have as much as you can be. It is natural to sometimes have doubts, but you must work to think positively. Just because she cheated before doesn't mean that she would cheat on you. People change. They make mistakes. My wife and I have both changed the things that we have done in the past that were not good behavior and that we didn't like about ourselves.
Don't think that there is something wrong with you for occasionally having thoughts such as this. Many of those who try to tell you that you are unusual or there is something wrong with you for thinking in a certain way are many times just trying to tell themselves that they have perfect lives and are really hiding their reality. None of us have perfect lives and perfect relationships. We just need to convince ourselves that the good that we have is far greater than the part that we don't like.
The fact that she had a promiscuous past might make it less likely for her to cheat. If she believes that you are better than her other many boyfriends then she will be less likely to cheat when things are not perfect because she will remember that the past was not as good as what she has now. My wife never had any thoughts of an affair when our marriage wasn't perfect because she knew that her past relationships and occasional one night stands that she had before me were less than what we had in the least perfect times.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Well said Irish! To the poster: If you visit the doctor's office and see all the sick people does that make your throat sore? Enjoy your love life with your wonderful girlfriend, Buddy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): I have an opposite view. I read other peoples troubles on this site and find myself being rather thankful everyday, for the wonderful blessings I have in my life. If you have a true love in your life, cherish her and realize that millions of people, do have that. You have to remember, the posters that air their relationship problems here, are just a very small few, compared to the rest of the world. People that have happy lives don't need to visit this site, do they? So continue being happy and enjoy what life has blessed you with...good luck and take care
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