A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear All, I am very depressed because i have done a sin. I am married but was on a business trip for 3 months and befriended with a girl. She started loving me and started thinking about our marriage. I didn't tell her that i was already married. Then she told me to have a sex though i was continuously telling her that not now. But once she came in my room and we had a intercourse. Though i was really not that interested. I was continuously telling her that my family wont accept you becoz of cast difference and also she is not that much educated as i am. But she said at that time that she wont force me if i couldn't marry her. I really made a biggest mistake of my life and the just a day before i was leaving her city we had a sex. The next day again she came to my room to say goodbye and we had a sex again. Then i left that city. For next 20 days i was in touch with her. But then i changed my phone number and not replying to her mails as well becoz she started talking like without me she couldnt live. Though i didnt reply of her any mail in past 2 months, she is continuously sending messages once in 5-8 days and now started saying that if i dont reply then she would leave this world. She was virgin and becoz she feels that sex before marriage is sin so saying that she cant face her mom and brother if i dont marry her. Now i am in a big trouble. If she does suicide then i would be framed because of my 1000s phone calls during those 3 months. If she writes my name in suicide note then i would be behind bars for next 10 years. She may also frame me by saying that i had sex with her in pretext of marring her. Friends i am really really in tension from past 10-15 days. She doesn't have any friend whom i can ask her to convince and i dont know how to convince her to not to think of killing herself. She is kind of girl who thinks that if once girl does sex then she is of that man only and she should not even think about anyone else. Please suggest me friends what to do?Thanks.
View related questions:
cheated on my wife, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cheekyfriday  +, writes (10 November 2010):
i really do not think I would tell you wife. Sorry to say that. I personally think you should not be able to heal by giving her such information as it will crush her soul, and why should your selfish antics to that.
I would not ever reply to the other girl either, as that is what your wife would wish!!! I would be furious if you told me that and was still incontact with the other women, so I suggest you forget you ever got her email address.
so, Mr, it is time for you to CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER, CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS and forget everything you ever did over there.
Sorry to everyone that thinks differently, but blurting it out to your wife is only going to heal you. keeping contact with this other women, well you aready screwed her so I suggest you just disappear for that is what your wife would wish if she choose to stay with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): If the other women forgives you or not is irrelevant, your WIFE deserves to know the truth.What you really mean is: if the other woman forgives me then maybe she'll leave me alone and i'll get away with it.I just hope your wife sees sense, i really do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know my wife would divorce me if she would come to know about all this. And i dont want to loss her. If this girl just forgive me and kick my ass to throw me away then too should i tell this all to my wife or should i digest everything deep inside my stomach? Becoz i really dont want to loss my wife. But yes its biggest lesson of my life whatever way the end result goes. I hope sometime in life i must do some social work in hope of washing this dirt out of my soul and to find bit solace.
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 I agree that once you tell the young girl the truth, you need to cut all contact. No email, phones call, anything.
She needs time away from you to mend her heart so that one day she can find the right man for her. If you keep her in your life, it is only feeding your ego to feel love and wanted.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Oh, so now it happened because you were drunk? Please(!) don't tell me you were drunk everytime you had sex with her. You're obviously a very bad liar and i'm suprised your wife hasn't realised what a shmuck you are.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 November 2010):
 Let me just say alcohol doesn't excuse your actions. You're a grown man, you know better. Next time let's keep it in your pants.
As for the girl, I would tell her the truth and apologize..then cut off contact with her. Your wife, you're going to have to tell her of your indiscretion. Now, if you live in one of those countries where divorce is a taboo, then she might not leave you. But, you need to tell her the next time you see her, just blurt it out. She's going to be very upset with you. Do they also other marriage counseling in your country? I suggest you take advantage of that resource if you want to keep your wife.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Yes i am a pig who have made biggest mistake of his life. But this all happened in affect of alcohol and my loneliness in that new city. Its more then 2 months now but i never touched the alcohol again and i swear i wont touch it again ever. It was my desire to have a sex and thats why i didnt care if girl is not beautiful or attractive. I tried to be honest while writing and thats why i said she was not attractive then too i went ahead with her. I am going to send a mail to the girl and accepting that i am a biggest creep. Later i would try to talk to her as well if she accepts my calls. But telling to my wife is.. really i need a whole worlds' courage to do that. I dont want to loss her and i feel i cant live without her. But without telling her i cant see in her eyes i think. But i will have to do i know.
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (6 November 2010):
First, you need to apologize to the young girl. she deserves to know the truth. By changing your number and running away, this does not leave her closure.
As telling your wife, I believe she should know because if this catches up to her and she find it from someone else, she will feel more betrayed.
You should tell her and deal with the aftermath. Basically be a man and own up to your mistake.
Only then can you learn to forgive yourself and learn from this experience
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I suggest you get over yourself and grow some balls. Tell your wife the truth. Again, your follow up shows that all you care about is yourself and what people will think of you. Maybe your wife will see sense and leave your ass. Also tell the poor girl you slept with the truth, you might give her some piece of mind. Oh and by the way i doubt you are as much of a catch as you say you are and calling the poor girl un-attractive just makes you seem even more of a pig.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all are correct. I am horrible, idiot and crap. This girl was over 26yrs (me 30) and wont getting a good match becoz of her education and looks(she isn't that beautiful). And thats why she was looking like i am a lottery for her , a good earning handsome guy. She was feeling secure future with me. This i realized and my idiotic mind couldnt sense anything other than sex. I was totally under her control becoz she was doing whatever she can as she doesnt want to loose me on any cost. Now yes i accept that i am worried abt my society, my family and i really dont want to leave or divorce my wife. Moreover I never cheated my wife before. Even i understand that i have done really something which can not be forgiven. Now without abusing me(though i deserve to be abused) please suggest me what to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, ILoveCupid  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 This whole thing doesn't make sense.
If she thinks sex before marriage is a sin and she can't face her mom and bro, why would she tell you to have sex and said she wouldn't force you if you can't marry her?
Two possibilities:
Either you have lied,
Or she doesn't give a damn about her virginity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): You had sex with her on multiple occasions, no-one forced you. You took advantage of this poor girl and i very much doubt you're telling us readers the whole truth. You said you had sex with her even though you were really not that interested, you really are a piece of work.I don't know the customs in your country but if what you say is true and this girl doesn't believe in sex before marriage then why did she sleep with you?I hardly think she'd put aside her believe for some creep like you.I think the real situation was you fed her a load of bullshit about wanting to be with her and that you'd marry her, got what you wanted then tossed her aside THAT'S why this girl is suicidal.You're disgusting and i hope you get found out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): You are a selfish man. You are so self absorb in some stupid womens antics of killing herself over you...you forgot to tell her your MARRIED. Idiot.Its pretty simple you know CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER!What is more concerning for you, your wife finding out?????How would you like a divorce?????I'd divorce you in a second, than take your income for the next 15 years, would that concern you?Get your head together, you were a jerk to your wife, so why not be a jerk to this women, and tell her you were married and that you can't offer her what she thought. Don't you think that is the easy way out.Or you could let your wife divorce you and go marry that tramp, a virgin, who persued you. Blarr what ever.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 November 2010):
Sadly, you should have thought about the consequences of society before you slept with this now tainted girl. Did she tell you she was going to kill herself? The only thing you can do is assure her if she kills herself whatever form of God you believe in will consider it a sin and she will go to Hell. She must be in one of those countries that check to make sure you're a virgin before you marry.
Better pray that she doesn't off herself..let this be a lesson to you not to break your sacred marriage vows again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Have you told her that you are married? If not, you need to
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (6 November 2010):
I hope you learn from this. It sounds like in your post that you don't care about this girl. You are more worried if it is traced back to you and you get caught and get in trouble with your wife, or maybe the law.
I feel bad for the girl in what you've done to her.
You lead her on to get sex. By not disclosing that you were married and not interested in the beginning, you would never have been in this predicament. To make it worse, you took this girls virgiinity away. Her innocence. In her head she was in love with you and gave you the most precious thing to you. You did not care about any of that. All you cared about was getting your needs and desire met without a care about any consquence. I pray that this girl does not kill herself. esp over someone as horrible as you, cause you are not worth it. Whatever happens, you made your bed, and now you have to lie in it. Hopefully this will make you think twice before you seduce a young girl and act like you're not married.
...............................
|
