A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:For the first few years with my man i know i was a bitch. Its been over a year since i stopped seeing a married man who payed me compliments,more than my man could. Over the last year, more of what I did and who with ,my man has been finding out. He has no solid proof and would be better shutting up about what he doesnt know for sure. He has also a nosy streak and has been messaging my dating profiles sneakily and pretended he was other people. I know i was a bitch. Just after new year i walked in and heard noises upstairs, well now the hypocrite is in the bathroom with a woman who was quickly dressing herself. I asked who she was when she answered, the ex wife of a marriage you broke up. It dawned on me then who she meant. How do they know each other? He answers and asked where is my proof? I saw them but he says i have had that many men so i am mixed up. Help me out, 2 wrongs dont make a right, yeah? I stopped messing about offline for the sake of us, now he is with my ex fwb`s ex wife. I really do love him and would do anything for him. She is only using him to get back at me and wont stay around for him. I know they are still meeting. I dont like revenge in any form and dont do it to others. At the end of the day if he`d pay me more attention, payed me more compliments and made me feel good; I wouldnt have had to get it off other guys. So really it was his own fault in the first place, right? If you arent loving your woman someone else will, we all know that. Is he worth this anyway? Sometimes I want to tell his revenge knock off to keep him, but I am careful about what i wish for. Is this guy over vindictive ,bearing in mind most of what i did he has no proof so if i hadnt he would still do it. I know i still love him and i really am hurt, she isnt even attractive. i keep thinking of them being intimate and he is still sharing my bed.
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broke up, ex-wife, married man, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Youve heard it all before I am sure but you were both in the wrong. Your attitude, however, makes it clear you are looking at this and have been going about this relationship wrong the whole way. Your lack of honesty and communication is appalling. Frankly I feel bad for someone who had to live with your lying and cheating for so long. IF you truly loved him you wouldnt have hurt him like you did and you especially wouldnt be only considering your OWN hurt and focusing on this girl's revenge. IF you loved him you would realize your actions drove him to his actions. He still did them himself but it is you who is to blame. And how dare you say he has no proof so he should shut up? He doesnt have a nosy streak, he has a cheating girlfriend that he doesnt deserve. He doesnt pay you compliments because you dont deserve them.
You both dont, and havent for years it sounds, even really have a relationship. Lying, cheating, and all this hostility and immaturity is not a relationship at all.
Let the poor guy go because you have obviously driven him down a path that I am sure he is ashamed of.
How many nights do you think he spent hurting and worrying about what you were doing with those other men? "Bitch" does not begin to cover it.
PLEASE, if nothing else learn from your and his mistakes. No one would have had to go through this pain if you just communicated your feelings. This situation is beyond fixing but in the future you can make more mature choices and maybe one day have a real and fulfilling relationship.
Shame on you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): The relationship, if that's what you can call it, is over. It was over the moment you had sex with another man.
You shouldn't be point scoring, trying to make it into a game.
What you two have is very unhealthy. You have both cheated on each other instead of sitting down and talking about your problems like adults, you try and score points against each other.
You cheated on him too, remember? I'm sure you didn't consider your boyfriends feelings at the time either.
There's no good saying that you feel betrayed or that you want revenge, because you've done the same thing.
Your post was rejected by a fellow mod because it wasn't suitable for publication but i saw it as i'm also a moderator on this site.
Let me tell you, personal insults aren't welcome here and will not be put through and if people take the time to reply to your question and least have the common courtesy to have a little respect.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 I hear you thought that I wasn't being helpful by pointing out the truth about your situation. But, you want more help, so I guess I'll offer a further observation.
Relationships aren't about torturing each other. When you said "Two wrongs don't make a right" it sounded to me like you're just reciting an old phrase, not taking it's meaning to heart. Neither of you are happy here, so it would be best if you ended this relationship. This guy obviously doesn't live up to the standards you have, and you don't live up to his.
Instead of blaming others for telling you things you don't like about yourself, why not try to figure out why other people view you like we do? I dare you to read what you wrote here and not think like we do. Improvement comes from within.
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A
female
reader, tcm  +, writes (19 January 2011):
You didnt catch him as you think,he plotted it so you would to pay you back. It could be he was too tolerant and every chance you got,you still abused it. No, 2 wrongs dont make it right. He is trying to hurt you to show you,but you are overlooking what got this to where its at. He has exploded and everything he felt is going to get you. What hurt he felt is the least of your concerns. The only help for you is to accept he hates you now,and may not ever go back to what he was,move on and learn from it, because it has got out of hand. How can you love him and have no thought about his feelings? are you aware of other people around you? He has been moulded and hopefully he is mature enough to know that his next regular female courtship is not going to be the same and treat her like she isnt you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Don't go blaming other people for you being a cheat. For goodness sake, you sound like a teenager.
He didn't compliment you or pay you enough attention. So, you have sex with another guy? An ADULT would talk about it and try and work it out.
Sorry, but karma's a bitch and to be honest you both sound as bad as each other. You don't love this guy you are just angry because he's done the same to you.
He's still sharing your bed? So, you are still with him? Some people never learn...
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (19 January 2011):
" So really it was his own fault in the first place, right?"
Wrong. If he wasn't treating you the way you wanted you should have told him, and if he didn't change, leave him and find someone else. This is no excuse for cheating. You basically wanted to have your cake and eat it, rather than doing the right thing and ending your relationship with your husband before getting together with someone else.
In your second paragraph you are portraying yourself rather as the victim but I am afraid that it just isn't the case. He isn't any worse than you are; you call it revenge but surely it's simply behaviour which is a low as yours was. Moreover I imagine his trust in you is probably fairly non-existent anyway. I note your comment about this woman not even being attractive, and a "knock-off." I think you are honestly surprised that he has been playing away behind your back when I imagine you thought you had all the cards but have now been played at your own game. And, yes it hurts, so imagine how your husband must have felt about you.
As for your comment about sharing your bed with your husband but thinking about him being intimate with someone else, this is surely something that he has had to deal with as well, so maybe it will give you a little empathy.
To be honest, you are correct when you say two wrongs don't make a right. You are both as bad as each other. YOu have both cheated, why don't you just move on. It seems like the trust has been lost on both sides.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
It's his fault YOU cheated? What a self serving reality you live in.
You sewed the seeds of everything you're dealing with. If you hadn't have had an affair with a married man, their marriage wouldn't have ended because of you. She wouldn't have been hurt and seeking revenge. Your BF wouldn't have been hurt and vulnerable...
But yeah, this is all HIS fault.
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