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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello. I just dont know where to start! I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have a great 5 year old son. Earlier in the year i met up again with my half cousin that i haven't seen for years, he was really good looking!We exchanged mobile phone numbers to keep in touch. We started flirting via text messaging until a trip in the summer(80 miles away) turned out to be more physical. After that i couldn't stop thinking about him and since then arranged to meet secertly for sex. We both fall in love with each other and kept in touch via phone, text or chatting on the net.Every thing was good untill my 30th birthday party, when he came with his uncle and grandma (My family and his family fell out 6 years ago and only just got friendly again at the beginning of the year)I had plenty to drink and by the end of the night I may have showed some of my feelings towards him.My Mother didn't think it was appropriate and told me not to have contact with my him as i am married.Since my party i have seen my lover once and he seem ok with me, but has been very different on the phone, he has been nasty and hurtful. This behaviour has been going on for three weeks now and its hurting me, he spends all his time at the pub and never phones me anymore. I am not nice to my husband and not sure even if i love him. I cant stand him looking at me, let alone touch me.I want to be with my lover but now he has said we are over.What can i do? i dont want to hurt my husband or sonand i know i will never find anyone who loves me as much as my husband does but i just dont want him.Why do you think my lovers feelings has changed so much in just a short space of time? Is all the odds against me and my lover; Im married, the distance between us and because we are half cousins?Also, if we ever got to be together it would distroy the family again!Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): OK, seems you have gotten alot advice from: men- try to get therapy or think it over; women- you are a horrible person, and your husband deserves better.
Since I am in a situation in which I have fallen deeply in Love with my first cousin, I can only give you this advice. No One... no one who has not felt the love of a cousin can give you proper advice. Bio- I have had various healthy relationships with other women that had very little controversy or drama, but have found that my first (beauty, graceful, and so much more) to be irresistable beyound all reason. Why? I don't know, but do know that if she left me or stopped giving me the same stimuli I would freeeaak out! I know what you felt (your message was from over 2 years ago), and hope you won back his heart, and have proudly declared your love for eachother!@! You only have 1 mortal life to live, and an eternity to get over it(trust me, I know).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): As much as it hurts you now this could be a lucky escape for you.
There may have been a lack in your marriage or another aspect of your personal life that made you seek the excitement of an affair, but affairs are wrong. Why? Because they ruin lives. Don't let this affair ruin yours, especially as you know that it's over.
Affairs come easily, love is something you need to work at. No matter what you may think it was you who managed to talk yourself into a relationship with your half-cousin. Now you have the harder task of rediscovering your love for your husband.
You obviously still have feelings for your husband because you say you don't want to hurt him. As others have suggested I think it would be a good idea to get marriage guidance. If your husband doesn't already know about the affair then at some point in the next few years you need to tell him, and to tell him you're sorry. These things don't come easily but if you love your son then you must learn to love his father again.
As for the suggestions that your husband and child are better off without you. Ignore them. Every child needs a mother, even one who has been as foolish as you have.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005): i believe u need take a break and think it over
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): Your step-cousin said that your relationship is over. That's it: Your relationship is over. It doesn't matter why. If he says that it is over, then it is. There's no debate. Case closed.
The problem is your pain. You are hurting, yes. Your love was not returned. That hurts. Feel it. Taste it. Live everyday with it. Everyday will be easier. As with all pain, time will diminish it.
Your son deserves a mother who is committed to him. That means that you must decide whether you will commit to your marriage and raise your son with your husband, or you will raise your son separately, with a custody arrangement.
Neither way will harm your son as long as you and your husband have a stable, cooperative and friendly relationship. If you decide to stay with your husband, get marriage counseling. You need to dig deep within your life to discover what happened to your relationship, to work very hard to make it work, and to live maturely. If you decide to leave your husband, see a therapist. You need to work on maturing, taking responsibilty, living a stable life. Working with your ex-husband to raise your son in a healthy environment will require you to think like a mature adult. Therapy will help you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2005): i don't know if there is any going back for you to the husband,if you still have deep feelings for your cousin.perhaps your cousin is feeling guilty for what he is doing with you thats why he has turned funny.Perhaps you should move on from your husband and live a life on your own for a while.i know what you are going through as i am in a simular situation and after 5months i still have no feelings for the husband but only for the cousin.good luck.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 What you're doing is plain wrong. I agree with eyeswideopen whole heartedly. Divorce your husband, he don't even deserve someone like you, especially if he is wonderful. You have cheated on him and are more worried about your lover than your husband. What kind of person are you? Are you just selfish? I think so. This isn't even right for your kid, what's he going to think about you and your half-cousin and why mommy couldn't just stay faithful with daddy? Do you want him to remember you as this person? I sure would hope not! I was just a little disgusted when I read this. I'm not saying I have never cheated, but at least I'm not married and I have actually grown up. Which is probably something you should do. Take other people's feelings into consideration and rethink what the hell you're doing? You don't want to destroy your family, but you basically already have.
I think it would just be best to leave your husband, give him the kid, then worry about your half-cousin. Your husband and kid don't need to be around for this. I doubt they would want to if they knew the truth about what is happening.
Have fun with the choices you make, but I would advise you make better ones than you already have:)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 November 2005):
 You need to divorce your wonderful husband and give him custody of your wonderful little boy so they can find a decent woman to be their wife and mother. You are not worthy to be either. Give your family a chance for a happy life. After your divorce you can go on with your whoring ways without hurting anybody but yourself.
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
get over your lover. he has realised he can't be with you. work on your relationship with your husband. affairs always end up hurting the people you love most.
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