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male
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anonymous
writes: dear cupid.I have a problem, and I am sure its all in my mind. I meet a girl, I quickly asses if she's attractive or not. If I decide yes and get the chance I will date her. My problem starts after a couple of dates or when she starts hotting up to me and decides she really likes me etc., I become totally unatracted to her, to the point that when I look at her she's a little ugly and not my type at all. But the week before I thought she was beautiful. When I think this girl could finally be the one for me, something snaps in my mind and I want to run away.Perhaps I should say I am divorced, and would like nothing more to settle down again, and this always spoils it for me....and I am driving myself crazy.thanks neil..
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female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 I think you're rushing into these relationships and putting more pressure on yourself than is necessary. These sudden changes in feeling are a symptom of the fact that right now you're not ready to "settle down again" even though you think that's what you want. It sounds as though every time you start dating a girl, you're thinking straight away about whether "this girl could finally be the one for me". You say that you're divorced, but you don't mention how long ago your marriage ended or whether there are children involved. If the break-up was recent you may need more time to get over it, especially if you were with your wife for a long time. If you have kids, that's another thing that is probably making you nervous with women - you may be weighing up each new girlfriend as a potential New Mummy, which is bound to cause problems when you're only dating. My main point of advice is that you should start taking things slowly - when you start dating someone, keep it light and friendly and don't even think about whether it's going anywhere until you've been seeing someone for at last six months. If you take the pressure off yourself, you'll also take the pressure off whoever it is you're seeing, and things will probably go more smoothly.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (8 November 2005):
that happens to a lot of people. you enjoy the chase but once you've got what you want, it's no fun anymore. maybe you should go for someone a little harder to get or someone unpredictable. having a girl fall for you "just like that" makes it boring for you
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