A
female
age
41-50,
*akesbadchoices
writes:I cheated on my husband 6 years ago with his best friend. I told him after the fact and we have been together ever since. We are still friends with his friend. We have 3 children together and I love him with all of my heart. He is my world. There were other things that led up to this. We had a threesome with a friend of mine and I felt very insecure after the fact. Then he said to make it better I could sleep with whoever I wanted to make it even. So the 1st time that I had sex with his fiend he knew about it. A few weeks later his friend came over and it happened again. I felt very bad and guilty for what I did so I told on myself. We had huge fights and cried alot but then things started getting better.Now here we are 6 years later and he says that it is eating him alive and doesn't know how to get past it. I want to be with him for the rest of my life and I want him to want to be with me too. He says that he does and that he wants to make it work he just isn't sure how to do it. So I guess what I am asking is if anyone has any advice for me? Does anyone know where I should go from here?
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best friend, cheated on my husband, insecure, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Let that be a lesson to both of you!! Sex is not something that should be spread around like wild fire.. it is sacred, and special.. not sum 5 minute floozy romp in the backyard.. honestly it's people like you, that destroy the values that are needed in society. and wen u guys have broken up.. it will single people like us.. that have to counsel you sickos back to normal! No sympathy.
A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (7 October 2008):
 If you want to save this marriage, I suggest couples counseling. Obviously I am no one to judge how you conduct your marriage, but I am a firm believer that threesomes and sexual devience in a marriage lead to more problems. It is very rare that two people can go into something like that and be fully aware of their choices and come out unscathed. You two have blurred the boundaries of your relationship in the first place, making it more difficult to know what is acceptable and unacceptable.
Im completely unsure how your husband could be fine with you sleeping with another man and be totally torn apart with this same act a few weeks later. Nevertheless, it did and you probably have some issues going on as well.
Please do seek a couples counselor, marriage/family counselor, or therapist. It seems there is a lot of work to do in unraveling the problems and it will be difficult or impossible to deal with this on your own.
Take care and I wish you the best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): You reap what you sow, there is no solution other than to live with it or seperate.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Have you thought about marriage counselling? It might help to get some of these issues which have been kept inside out in the open, by both of you.
You clearly both love each other a lot and don't want to lose what you've got and it's good that you can talk about these things but maybe an outside perspective from a professional will help the two of you get through this and move on.
I wish you the very best.
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