| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok so Saturday evening we had a party and everyone got wasted. There were like 7 guys including me and 2 girls, one of which was a girlfriend of one of the guys. The other one is still single.So everyone of the guys tried to get her attention (including me) and probably I was the only one who did try the right things. So just as I thought she went with this other guy to bed, I gave up hope. But then she came out of the room and to the balcony (where I was trying to get some sleep) apparently she was so tired she just wanted to get some sleep before she could be with me. Anyways so we sat there and I explained to her what I wanted to do and I then fondled her. In the end we fondled each other and also kissed. I touched her breasts, but that was it. We had no sex and no petting.I told my girlfriend as soon as I could and now I'm a sitting duck.Ok that was the story. Now for the background information.Since 5 months I have a girlfriend, whom I really like.I've never cheated before.I told the other girl, that I have a girlfriend BEFOREHAND.I was sober when we made out.My girlfriend reacted pretty calm, she said, she doesn't like it but she wants to sleep over it.I don't have a guilty conscience.I told her that I can't promise her not to do it in the future, but that it won't become a regular basis and that I will tell her if it happens again.I didn't lie to anyone.So I really don't know what to do now. I'm pretty shocked about myself that I did this and the fact, that I don't have a guilty conscience only adds to it. I like my girlfriend, but apparently I don't love her yet. The other girl is also nice and asked me to tell my girlfriend, which I was gonna do anyway.Can anybody help me?I know that I am not a nice person to do this. The only positive thing which comes to my mind about me is, that I am 100% honest. To myself and everbody involved (or atleast I try to be)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): @ iloveblue
I think your answer, provided the most help. But also thank you everyone else for your feedback.
Now I just want to clear some things out. First off, I didn't excuse my actions by being honest. I am honest to give everyone a fair chance of understanding the situation. And in my opinion it is very essential to solve a problem by understanding the situation.
If the situation would be reversed, like you proposed, I would leave her. I would be very happy if she was honest. However I am not my girlfriend and I can't make decisions for her. It's her call and apparently she doesn't want to break up.
I personally wouldn't mind an open relationship, but I'm her first boyfriend and she isn't that open minded. I have to be very careful with stating my expectations and wishes, because she easily let's herself be forced into something and I don't want that. I want her to decide with her heart.
I probably am going to end the relationship in the future, but now would be just terrible timing. Our exams for university start in one and a half week and I don't want her to mess them up, just because her boyfriend is an asshole. I will probably hurt her more afterwards, but she also will have more time to grieve.
So now I wait and let it all come to me, be it good or bad.
Thank you all for your advice!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Not every relationship is mean to be monogamous. Let your girlfriend have some time to decide what she wants to do and if she wants your relationship to continue.
If you are both ok with continuing in your relationship, then you need to sit down and have a non-confrontational, open and completely honest discussion about what you expect from your relationship.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Well, it's not surprising that you don't love your girlfriend yet as you've been with her for 5 months..that's really expected actually.
However, it doesn't mean that you have the right to cheat on her. You see, being in a relationship with someone means you are committed to her and that you are obliged to date her and no other else. And even though you'd say you will be honest and would tell her if anything happens, that wouldn't make you a good boyfriend either. If you cannot promise to your girlfriend not do this again, then it means you are not ready for a committed relationship and you are better off being single.
Being honest is not enough. Try to imagine your girlfriend doing this to you instead, would you appreciate her honesty?
Hope this can make clear your thoughts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Your girlfriend deserves so much better then you to be honest.
You intentionally went out your way to get this other girl's attention, knowing dam well that you where already taken!
"Anyways so we sat there and I explained to her what I wanted to do and I then fondled her"
This is just a complete disrespect to your girlfriend! Clearly knowing how your girlfriend would feel about this, you did not care one bit.
"I was sober when we made out."
Drunk or Sober is never an excuse to hurt someone. But what makes it worst is that you had full control over all your senses, yet you still decided to cheat.
"I told her that I can't promise her not to do it in the future, but that it won't become a regular basis and that I will tell her if it happens again."
Your girlfriend is called your girlfriend for a reason..your in a RELATIONSHIP with HER. You shouldn't have to make a promise to her that you would never cheat on her again simply because she is your girlfriend and she trusted that you would never have done it in the first place. If you still want and can't guarantee that you won't do it again then you clearly should be SINGLE. It is clear that you are not 100% happy in your current relationship that made you feel you had the need to pursue this other girl.
You have taken the word "honest" and given it a completely new meaning! Trying to excuse everything you where thinking, feeling and what you did, by using the word "honest" does not make you a decent guy.So no my dear, there is no "positive" out of this situation.
The Bottom line is, you either want to be in a relationship or you don't. I suggest you re-read your post but imagine it wasn't you that wrote it, imagine it was your girlfriend. Now, would you stay or would you go?
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 The only thing you can do now is wait for your girlfriend's decision. Give her space and let her come to you. If you can't promise to not do it again in the future while with her, then why are you still with her? She deserves someone who isn't willing to go that far with anyone else but her. Unless you think she'd be comfortable in an open relationship?
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