A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a very difficult story for me to write but I desperately need help. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years now and I love him dearly. We bought our first house 2 years ago and to be honest things were very very difficult and we had some very angry rows and we were at breaking point so many times. There was a point I hated him and cried and cried for hours because I felt trapped and wanted away from him. Thankfully these feelings somewhat subsided and we managed to get through things. I love him dearly and don't want to loose him. However, when this maniac episode between my boyfriend and I was happening I quit my very respectable job in a bank and went back to studying, I then found a part time job around my studies. I was very lucky as my bests friend got me a job with her so things were going great and I loved my new job. The job however is in a call centre for a car manufacturer so I'm surrounded by males and (not to sound big headed) I received a lot of attention which I secretly liked as I was getting none at home. I loved being everyone's friend in work and I was getting on so well with everyone and I loved it. In September 2016, My boyfriend went away for the weekend and I had friends over, my friend (who I work with) then invited our work colleagues over. I had just had a raging argument with my boyfriend (not over the house party) and I was upset, i then done the unthinkable and cheated on my partner with a work colleague. As I right this I am in tears as I can't come to terms with what I did. I was devastated. The man who I cheated on my boyfriend with (X) we shall call him became obsessed with me very quickly. He was constantly texting me and charming me and I quickly became drawn into this, my boyfriend was giving me less and less attention and it quickly became hard to ignore the attention elsewhere. Nothing else happened with X but now I've been ignoring him and I've blocked him from my life I've been getting treated horribly in work. People are spreading stories, I've been excluded from my work friends and I feel that people hate me. I'm heartbroken by this because is lies he's spreading as no one actually knows we've hooked up. He's just been telling everyone I'm a horrible person and psychotic. I feel awful about the whole thing but I desperately need the money I cannot quit my job. I now feel that I've been forced out of my office and to make matters worse my boss is his best friend so anytime I go to him it goes round in circles. My company is very small so there is no solid hr department. X also has a girlfriend and a lovely house, car etc but he doesn't feel as heartbroken or as guilty about the situation. I really really don't want to hurt my boyfriend but I'm at breaking point with punishing myself. I feel I can't go any further in life and I'm really upset and want to just go back like nothing has happened but X is making my life impossible. I'm constantly walking around on egg shells and I don't know what to do.
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best friend, cheated on my boyfriend, co-worker, has a girlfriend, heartbroken, I work with, money, my boss, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 I find it very hard to feel sorry for you when all you write about in your post is yourself. All you seem to care about is yourself and your feelings and how things affect you.
Not once did you write you are sorry for what you done to your boyfriend, you don't want to hurt him? Well it is to late. Tell him the truth and who knows maybe he can forgive you, either way you need to be truthful.
Then talk to the guy spreading rumors, and tell him you will tell his girlfriend you guys hooked up unless he does the right thing and admits to people he has been lying about you. He is trying to get people to think you are crazy so that he himself doesn't get caught being a cheat and a liar. Also maybe you should get checked for STI's
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2017): Oh dear. What a mess! A) find a new job. This is not the only job in the world. You are not stuck there. You have burnt your bridges here and I'm afraid that's very hard to come back from. Start looking. You'll feel free when you can move on.B) deal with your relationship. Being together so long is not an excuse for feeling unwanted and being given lack of care an attention. If things were bad enough that you cheated. Then surely you should do something about this - are you actually happy in this relationship? It doesn't sound like it. C) tell your boyfriend. He's likely to find out one day. Things like this don't stay hidden. Yes you feel bad, yes you don't want to hurt him but it's my view that you already have. You can't change that. And you need to tell him and decide if your relationship is salvageable or not.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (18 February 2017):
You come off as a selfish child who wanted to eat her cake and have it. The guy you cheated with is creating a hostile work environment and it is your bosses job to protect you from that. If the boss won't then it is time to speak to your hr department. You say it is small but it exist and part of its job is to protect employees from harassment. If your HR department won't do it's job then you may need to seek help from your version of an equal employment commission because the guy you cheated with is sexually harassing you.
Of course the guy you cheated on might find out so you may need to take that into account before you do anything. But if he loves you it will work out.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (18 February 2017):
 Well, if no-one knows you hooked up it is only his word that he made you do the 'rudey'. Stand your ground. Deny everything. And call him out. Also you can threaten to tell his girlfriend that he is spreading malicious gossip about you.
You need to go on the attack. You might also threaten to go to your boss or HR because, no matter what happened outside work, in work you do not need to endure the malicious tongue of a co-worker.
Finally let this be a lesson - a big lesson. You can get out of this, but only by playing the role of innocent completely. You will be lying, but lying to save your long-standing relationship. At the moment your own guilt is doing the punishing. That's the price you pay.
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