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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,
I have a terrible problem, my partner and me have been together now nearly 2 years, at first our relationship was great, we never argued or anything. We moved in together about a year ago, and again everything was fine, then we started to argue all the time, and it was getting rough. After a couple of months of permanent arguing, his male cousin came round with 2 females, he spend all night chatting to them and ignoring me, so I went to bed expecting him to follow, but he never, he fell asleep in between the 2 girls. After that night it was over, we didn’t speak for a week, but I still loved him and we decided to meet up, he told me he was still inlove with me, but he had had sex with one of the girls from that night just after we broke up. I decided to forgive but he kept seeing this other girl, even though we weren’t properly together, after about a month I think he realized he really did love me and we got back together and he told this other girl where to go, it really hurt what he was doing but I forgave him. We were back together a week when he went on holiday for a week with his family (it was planned for me to go with them but after the split it had been cancelled for me) on the first night he was gone I cheated on him, I slept with someone else on our bed, it was a drunken thing, and I regretted it terrible, so I decided not to tell him because I knew it would kill him, even though he had been truthful to me. although when he returned from his holiday, he found out by one of his mates who knew the guy I slept with. It was horrible, he was really nasty to me, hit me, and called me names. I didn’t want to loose him though; he was in a state, threatened suicide and all sorts. Eventually he cooled down and we started to sort things out. He still used to throw digs at me, which offended me, but I took it with a pinch of salt cos I knew he was still hurting. We’ve never really had a proper talk about the whole situation because I cannot talk about my feelings openly, I find it really hard. He says its because I lied not because I cheated, as he has always been honest with me. Then a month ago now my best friend died, she was only young, 17 in fact, and it killed me, she meant so much to me, and I was devastated. Me and my partner both realized all this fighting wasn’t worth it, there is more things you need to think about, and cheating is a petty thing. And we were getting on fine, he comforted me, but now he’s back to the way he was, he turns his back on me in bed, and doesn’t reply when I tell him I love him. He says the only way it’s going to work is if we talk it through, but just find it so hard to explain my feelings. I cant loose him; I love him so much, and I would do anything to make things right again, but I just don’t know what to do. We planned on getting engaged and are trying for a baby, as that would us both so happy. I really do love him, please help…
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best friend, broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, cousin, drunk, engaged, got back together, moved in, on holiday, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Christy +, writes (18 November 2005):
Look firts of all a relationship is based on being honest,something that you didn't do . You saw that he was very honest to you even though that telling you was loosing you he told you. He knew that if he told you there was a big chance that he was going to loose you. He took that risk. Jus t as he took that risk why in the world didnt you took that same risk. It would've been better for him to know by you not by other people because believe me knowing by another person hurts even more because he thinks that you trust him and that you were willing to tell him anything. But I guess you never did really trust him because if you did trust him you wouldnt lied to him. Always be truthfull to the person you love or otherwise he would never trust you again. You never know what you have until you see him or her dead. Talk to your man and dont keep any secrets from him eventhough its going to hurt always talk to him with the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005): I think that if you are as in love with this man as you say you do, maybe you should at least try to talk things out with him. Maybe that’s what he needs for closure for what you guys have been through. It’s hard to get over anything if you can’t have a reasonable talk about it. If it’s hard for you to talk ask him to talk to you and ask questions, that may be a little easier for both of you. If you know how you feel about your man, it shouldn’t be that hard to talk about your feelings, especially if you guys been together for 2 years or whatever.
It seems like you guys have been through a lot with each other and if you guys want to be together, talking is the only way, you have to get your situations straightened out and any issues that are held between you two that are tearing you guys apart. Just take a night and try and get your problems solved one way or another or his acting won’t change and it may get worse. You both have done wrong and if you guys really want to be with eachother, you’ll think of someway to make it work. Good luck.
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