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anonymous
writes: Is chatting on line cheating, chatting only with other men, My girlfriend has told me she has not chatted on line with other men for a long time. I found out she has been chatting and with about 15 different guys. Is this cheating ? or Im I just taking this to far.She tells me she is in love with me and is afrad Im going to leave her. Do I confront her that I know about this or let it ride.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): well ur girfriend lied...which is wrong to do in relation..if she hadnt chat with them in unpropriate..conversation she would not deny..so i wanna tell u leave her there r lot of girls out there and you need truthfull one..with honest relation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011):
What is she chatting about?
I would be worried that she lied to you about it.
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female
reader, athenuz  +, writes (16 May 2011):
I don't see anything wrong with chatting. I am also married and my husband recently caught me talking except i was talking to men all over United states and Europe. Its just talking!
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female
reader, Danica Jane  +, writes (4 March 2011):
She said she hasn't been chatting to guys for a long time?--- which means : Maybe she used to chat to those guys before she even met you?..and therefore just an online chatmates?
Im a girl and I do chat to guys when Im in a hunt or when I'm bored and got nothinG better to do but wudnt chat so often if I'm in a relationship...
If she is spending a lot of her time online chatting, I hate to say this but she well may be probably bored with you or she has found someone she can connects to online on an emotional basis if theyre talking as friends ..and worst doing cyber with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): im am too in a situation.im married and year ago my husband worked out of town and was hanging out with this chick from work and i found out about it and we almost divorced from it,needless to say a year later my husband is talking to this chick online that he met through a forum he post at, why he gave this girl who happens to be single his email addy remains to be seen.he talks to this girls on the regular for 4-6 hrs out of the day and when i approached him about it he instood there were still trust issues and that it was nothing he just likes talking to her about different stuff i have seen some of there chats its nothing sexual but to me its too much sharing for a married man and a single woman. we have fought about this for weeks and he tells me im overreacting its nothing but what married man chats with a female so much and he makes me feel like the bad guy when i say stop its enough, well he has now started to sign out chat but guess what he is emailing stupid stuff but neverthe less emailing its like he cant quit talking to her i f feel that its is becoming and emotional connection and if its not now it can turn into something.just like some outside opinions he has gotten opinions from posting and from friends and family and they tell him its wrong and inappropiate.what do u think i feel as though out marriage is suffering serious damage that will be hard to repair.thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): im am too in a situation.im married and year ago my husband worked out of town and was hanging out with this chick from work and i found out about it and we almost divorced from it,needless to say a year later my husband is talking to this chick online that he met through a forum he post at, why he gave this girl who happens to be single his email addy remains to be seen.he talks to this girls on the regular for 4-6 hrs out of the day and when i approached him about it he instood there were still trust issues and that it was nothing he just likes talking to her about different stuff i have seen some of there chats its nothing sexual but to me its too much sharing for a married man and a single woman. we have fought about this for weeks and he tells me im overreacting its nothing but what married man chats with a female so much and he makes me feel like the bad guy when i say stop its enough, well he has now started to sign out chat but guess what he is emailing stupid stuff but neverthe less emailing its like he cant quit talking to her i f feel that its is becoming and emotional connection and if its not now it can turn into something.just like some outside opinions he has gotten opinions from posting and from friends and family and they tell him its wrong and inappropiate.what do u think i feel as though out marriage is suffering serious damage that will be hard to repair.thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): hi, i see it's been a long time since this question was posted and opinions offered..i don't know if you're still with her...but if you are...i hope you did confront her and have been able to work things out. but yes...online chatting usually turns into an affair in some fashion. My now former spouse and a multiple converstations, emails without my knowledge..when i did find out about them, he made every excuse and offered every explanation possible...he even offered himself to stay "offline"...then in time when he didn't have that "outlet" he started confinding in a female co-worker, and they became closer and closer sharing things with each other about their unknowing perspective spouses and "discovered" just how "unhappy" each of them were and could find new found happiness in each other...when i started supsecting something, i looked in his vehicle which was equally mine..found love letters to each other...i could piece that this had been going on at least 6 months..when i confronted him..of course i was the sneeky one because i went "looking" for incriminating evidence and found it..anyway..it's became a long drawn out thing...i cried and pleaded to save our marriage and of course "I" would do all the changing, because we all know it was "all" my fault...for us to go to counciling..but he would have nothing to do with any of it...he left just like that..however i have learned that he left mentally long before that......we divorced..and he still never admitted "HER" to me until he married her two years later!! BUT...he asked me from time to time to have sex with him through out all this time..(of course i didn't)...after he got married i did a timeline and realized he tried with me again..just 2 wks before he married her...and they've been married for about 6mos now..and he is still after me to have sex with him...i refuse to be the other woman to the other woman. what is wrong with me that he just threw our marriage out the window and never looked back...i lost our business and the house as a result of the domino effect of all of this and he never cared...i had to end paying for the divorce that i didn't even want..just so that he would pay me child support then for two yrs he didn't until i finally had his wages garnished..but yet he still wants to have sex with me after all of this ...all that he has put me through and all that i've lost. cheating does leave its marks and takes it's toll....why do people even get married??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): My husband has been chatting on line and even gave our phone number to this women who calls when I am at work. He denied until she went on vacation and sent his daughter a post card and shirt to our home that he gave her. He hid them and I found them. He feels she is just a "pen pal" I am not stupid. I am hurt and angry. I feel this is cheating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): I truly feel chatting is cheating, my wife of 10+ years recently started chatting with with guys in community chat rooms of game sites. The next thing you know she is texting them on her cell phone. How do I know when I opened the phone bill there were all sorts of out of the area phone numbers, including California, Florida, etc... (I live in Pennsylvania). When confronted about she said that it was people from work and that I never allow her to have any friends. (Her standard answer). But yet she always runs and hides when she receives a text or phone call so she can read or return the message or take the call. She never caomes to bed untill two or three in the morning because she is up chatting on line. But yet, she tells me I am the one with the problem. That I am being paranoid, and imagining things. I once picked up her cell phone when she forgot it in the room I was in there were photos on there that would actually make a sailor blush. When I ask her about them she said one of the girls from work sent them. I scrolled through her list of contacts, and found guys names, that I did not recognize as anybody she worked with, when I confronted her about them, and asked her to see her phone the next day they were all gone! I ask you all now I am the one being paranoid, delusional, or making too much out the entire stuation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): well it is a good question if you confront her or not? yes you both have the right to ask for clarification in any area of relationship which may lead to misunderstanding and finally
a horrible breakage! you can find a clear idea what is her purpose of doing this chatting with 15 different guys on her pc.
or put it this way what if you start doing the same thing chatting with 15 different women will she likes it or this will make her upset?? if she is cool enough in this regard it looks she is not happy with you and screening constantly the guys till she finds a better one.
as long as we have a committement better spend more time on our own relationship how to make it strong and long lasting.
the bottom line is chat-rooms are only for singles who are constantly on the hunt, sorry if some people do not agree with me.... take have a great day clarification before confrontation......!but she is already on the hunt! you bet!!!!!! questions are the answers! you will find out yourself where your relationship stands.....! take care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007):
Chatting IS cheating. PM means "Personal Messaging" and there is no reason for someone who is commited to someone else to get into a "personal messaging" box with the oppisite sex...
Cyber-lingo calls it IM "instant messageing"
but I been there, and need to speak the truth and shame the devil!
It really should be refered to as "INTIMATE MESSAGING"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): I just found out my wife has been secretly chatting and emailing a former boyfriend from 20 years ago. Without going into detail, when I finally got over the hurt and pain of some of the thing she told this person of our personal lives as a married couple, she became furiously defensive and insists I am spying on her and never did trust her!
I'm devastated. I love my wife and don't understand what I did to deserve this. Sure, chatting and emailing in secret is an issue but spilling all our personal problems and painting such a bad picture of me to a person who is a complete stranger to me is just out right down right emotional cheating. Now, what should I do?
She still insists it is harmless and I am just a jealous stupid person for reacting this way and even worse for "spying" on her. Hell, it is and always was a joint email screen name and we both knew the password! What the heck was she thinking? I would never open a weired sounding email titled, "I'm Sorry?"
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female
reader, nancying +, writes (29 August 2007):
In my opinion yes in a way but it depends on your relationship and the boundries that you and your girlfriend have set for your relationship. My modow in a relationship is if you dont want your mate doing something you should not do it either.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): You have got to leave her. Something is wrong with her and she's trying to make you feel like you are overreacting. It's like this most of the time... "if you see one roach in your house, there are probably thousands behind your walls" meaning if you she's willing to go to chat rooms and you know about that, she's more than likely to do much more that you don't know about. DON'T GET ANGRY AND DO SOMETHING STUPID, JUST LEAVE HER WHILE YOU CAN! LEAVE HER TODAY!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Im in this situation right, each time i confront her she only seems to tell me and confess to what i have already found out. i asked about chatting she confessed, then i found out about phone conversation they had, she got furious for me checking the records instead of being apologetic about the calls. I ask about phone texting the last time we made up and agreed to work it out, I was truly over it and low an behold i found a text the next day. now shes saying that i need to control my anger and emotions instead making me feel better about her mistakes, i had a friend email me once and it was totally inoccent, but i didn't look that way to her. I was crushed and thought i would lose her, for months i pleaded and begged, Why does she feel her mistakes are not supposed to be questioned or judged. I need advice please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): Chatting on line IS emotionaly cheating (though the person chatting wil lawlays say it is harmless)
It is taking time away from the both of you
If she/he will allow you see what is being said or if it is not hidden then i think its ok
I have a chatting cheating b/f who spends alot of time online in chats (and i met him on a chat and all is previous g/g's came off the internet)
It is sometimes done with alot of sexualy intent
Chat sites are likes bars. The person going there is going for a reason
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): i just found a log of im's that my bf had with an online friend(girl) in indiana(we're in rhode island). i was at work when the conversations happened. most of the discussion was just friendly but there was some sexual stuff(not explicit; more like flirting). i confronted him and he told me they talked in this jokey way for years and it never meant anything and it didn't this time around either. i just happened to find it. i am wrestling with this because i love him and know he is sorry. he has admitted that it was an awful thing to not consider my feelings even if this joke was never found out. this is just so hard to wrap my brain around. i have asked if our relationship was lacking something. was i not good enough? he says no and that he was thoughtless. he apologizes profusely and tells me he'll never do it again. i feel hurt but i don't think it should end my relationship. am i right to tell him that it was cheating even without there being or ever being anything physical?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): It's an issue of boundaries. By chatting with these men unknown to you she is betraying your trust. You don't really give an accurate timeline, but if this is a long term relationship with an agreement of monogamy then yes it's cheating. Think of it this way, every minute she spends confiding in one of her chat buddies is a minute of time stolen from your relationship. If you decide to break up with her be perfectly honest as to why, if she asks for a second chance make her work for the relationship before letting her back in. Good Luck to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): My boyfriend and I have been through this only he is the chatter. It really bothers me. I have resorted to snooping big time. I feel like I am being betrayed and lied to on one hand and on the other I think I am over reacting. I love him very much and the reason it causes such a reaction is because I am affraid of loosing him to someone eles. If I were to break up with him I will have created that fear. I then loose him because of it, right. I still hate it and it still hurts and he doesn't like to talk about it. It feels like I am in a spot where I have know option. Feels pretty helpless and lonely!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): My boyfriend and I have been through this only he is the chatter. It really bothers me. I have resorted to snooping big time. I feel like I am being betrayed and lied to on one hand and on the other I think I am over reacting. I love him very much and the reason it causes such a reaction is because I am affraid of loosing him to someone eles. If I were to break up with him I will have created that fear. I then loose him because of it, right. I still hate it and it still hurts and he doesn't like to talk about it. It feels like I am in a spot where I have know option. Feels pretty helpless and lonely!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): I am a chinese student.I do not like chating on the line .In my opinion I think it is a silly thing .you do not have to conversation with them ,they are dishonest and if you are a careless man you will be get a blackmail.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2005): Dump her ass. No offence!!! If she goes on chatting with other guys, it means she doesn't really need you or care about you to respect your wishes. I think chatting is no different than talking and hanging out with guys in real. She still goes online and seeks whatever she is trying to get. In real life, she will probably at some point start looking for other guys other than you. So, take my advice and leave her before she leaves you...
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reader, PrncssJoanne +, writes (25 April 2005):
Well they are probably just friends. I would not worry about it too much as long as it's just chatting. Maybe ask her to let you sit with her at the computer so that you can see what she's doing sometimes.
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A reader, Sphinx, writes (9 January 2005): I'm in the same situation, I think that it will have to depend on what she's chatting about. My situation had her chatting sexually online with other guy's. What are we lacking? I'm not too sure. But I think that if her and I are to last. We need to talk and see where we need to go to resolve this issue. I think, (in responce to another reader suggesting that you're snooping)that if you've been hurt before after placing trust into the relationship, it's very hard to be confident anymore. You need to be sure yourself. That's the thinking. For example, I heard a while back about a guy who was getting married to the girl he'd been seeing for a few years. (Getting married needs trust.) They went through the marriage, and onto the dinner. Where he toasted his new bride and then told everyone that under their seats, was an envelope. In that envelope, were pictures that were taken by a P.I. of his new wife having sex with his best friend. A thing that he found out shortly before the wedding. He had to be sure that what he was about to get into was for real and he could trust her. He walked out and had the marriage anolled. I myself having been hurt before, need to know that I can trust her. Is it snooping? Perhaps, but if I am to give my life to this woman, I have to know that I can trust her. Lieing to me will make me question what else she has lied about. If I hadn't found anything, then yes I can trust her. But I will never trust blindly again. "Burned once, shame on you. Burned twice, shame on me" Anyone recognise that quote? Don't trust blind man. If she's chatting with other guys online, and lieing to you about it, there's a problem. Obviously, there is something missing in your relationship. But it may go well beyond that. I myself have always logged any chat I have ever had. To protect my own ass. You can go back years in my logs. I've been logging things since I first started chatting, when I was single. I have never talked to anyone on a sexual level, even when I was single. I don't share webcam. And I don't chat with people that request it. I think it's wrong. Best of luck to you, I hope that I can figure out what to do in my situation. But remember that without trust, if you feel that you need to keep snooping into her chats, you will never be happy with her. No matter how good she treats you, or (as in some cases) guilts you into staying. You will never be happy. If you can stop logging her every move, and not have a second thought about it. Then it will be "meant to be" so to speak. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005): I don't think it's cheating but something is apparently lacking in your relationship. I am starting to see someone that I really like and he's a chatter I think. He's always online at night. I certain don't have a right to question it, but it's obvious.
I definitely think you should confront her. But how did you find out about it? If you were snooping, that's not good. There's got to be trust. Ask her what she gets out of the chatting?
Good luck with your situation.
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