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male
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anonymous
writes: I am having a problem right now with my wife. I have cheated on her several times before but now that she has done it to me, I don't know how to deal with it. She had an affair with my best friend. Please advice on what to do? Thanks
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (13 October 2006):
 You don't know how to deal with exactly what your have done to her? Do you love her? Does she love you?
Are you really serious about each other or do you want an open marriage or do you want to leave?
It is not a game of chess and the idea is not to see who can have the most partners when it causes the other hurt. If you both want other partners and can agree on the rules and follow them explicitly...open marriage can certainly be successful. But if you are both just on a roller coaster to see who can be the meanest...I think you need to stop being married until your done being single.
Don't forget....your best friend also did IT to you. Which one of them told you and why?
My husbands best friend is also one of my Boyfriends...but we are all ok with that and spend a great deal of time checking in with each other and making sure everything is in no way hurtful to the other. It works for us...but it would not work for most people but we all put the others feelings ahead of our own...nobody gets hurt and all three of us win. But that is not where you are. You are in a sad betrayed confused place. Only you can figure out what you want. Once you understand what YOU hope for...then you can talk to your wife and find out where She wants to go from here...if you can find somewhere in the middle that can make you both happy...work toward that.
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Well, you got exactly what you deserved didnt you! That's how it feels. Perhaps you will think twice about the feelings of those who love you before you do it again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): Easy stuff... 1) accept it, work out your marriage, and continue on, or 2) file for a divorce, and move on. I'm not going to say the obvious nasties to you and just leave it at that.
[sighing and shaking my head]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): well you know how it feels now dont you i know she did it with your best friend but it makes no difference who it is. my boyfriend cheated on me about 5 times n i forgave him so jus tell her how u feel and ask her if she feels the same and ask her if u think it going to work
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