A
female
age
36-40,
*ockinlove85
writes:I cheated on my boyfriend last weekend, I was completely drunk out of my mind, not that that is an excuse. Needless to say the guy I cheated on my boyfriend of a year is our friend and was over for dinner the night before we had a party. I ended up leaving to go ride around because we were fighting because I didn’t want to go to bed yet. While I was riding around of friend text me and asked me where I was and that I didn’t need to be driving and that he was going to get me. He came picked me up left my car and we went to his apartment. He made the first move of kissing me; you get the rest from there. The next morning my boyfriend already knew where I was and was blowing up my phone to go get my things. I went and got my stuff, while he was throwing it at me… I went back to our friend’s house and stayed with him for 2 nights then my boyfriend starts calling me telling me I need to go home and be with him. I was miserable so I jumped right to it and was back with him with in 2 hours. Of course we just cried for a while then made love. I do love him very much. I wish I could take it back but I can’t and he knows that. We have been back together for 2 weeks now and he is constantly throwing it in my face. Everything I say or do he has a remark, like go ask your other boyfriend. Or what I don’t do it like he does. Just horrible things that just make me cry. So I am a walking waterfall. Any advice would be much help. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Although it has been a while I wanted to respond just incase you do check this.I was in a similar situation but the other way around. My now husband cheated before we were married. It was something that broke my heart. I forgave him but it did take a very long time. It has been almost 2 years since he cheated and it still crosses my mind from time to time but I never say anything. I never throw it in his face. If he loves you he will come to terms with it. I won't say "get over it" because that never FULLY happens. I realized my life would be more misearble without him than dealing with him cheating. He hasn't done it since.Just let him know that you can't change it and that you love him more than anything.Thats what got me through. He constantly reminded me that it wasn't my fault, and that there was nothing wrong with me.For the longest time I felt there was something wrong with me.But its better now.Just give it time
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Well you actually blew it, sorry there is no "soft" way to say it, nothing can change that. But if he is with you is because he wants you, but please understand how he is feeling, he might be thinking that he did something wrong to deserve that, probably it was not that way. Give him time, I mean don´t act like if did not happened, make him feel special, cook something for him, hug him, don´t cry all the time it will make it much worse, try to be calm. The anger will go down little by little, silence is the best answer sometimes that will lead him to talk eventually...
good luck and please don´t cry that will make it worse.
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A
male
reader, arch_cutter +, writes (29 May 2008):
 if you want to stay with the boyfreind, you have to give a 'hurt allowance'. but after a while you will have to say "forgive me or what?" . if it goes on (for months?) then he is just clocking you to get some payback.
overall; cautionary tale dont cheat (and be so blatantly obvious as you were...jeez no wonder he hates you.)
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 He is hurting. He is hurt and wants you to feel hurt as much as he does. He wants to make you feel horrible for the hurt you caused him, but deep inside he really doesn't want to be doing it. Its a childish thing to do if you supposidly have forgiven someone, but its understandable.
What you will need to do however is sit him down and, though it may be hard, ask him if he really wants to be with you and ask him if he can truly forgive you.
If you talk to him and he tells you:
No - Then you will have to terminate this relationship because it is unhealthy for the both of you to be in this state.
Yes - Then tell him: You know what you did. You are sorry for what had happened, but there isn't anything that can change it and he cant keep bringing it up because you havent forgiven yourself and it just keeps opening wounds. That its unhealthy if he wants a relationship.
I dont know or is unsure - Well ultimately you know you hurt his trust and you know you have to have patience. Try to be understanding and hope that he can forgive you.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 You need to give him time to heal, two weeks is NOT long enough to repair the trust. He will feel like he needs to make you feel how he feels which is deeply hurt. You hurt him so you will have to deal with the consequences. At the same time, he needs to communicate his feelings in a much healthier way or it will just cause more hurt and resentment which may lead to a break-upThe best thing you can do is sit down and talk to him. Tell him you love him and you understand he is really hurt and that you want to rebuild the trust again. Tell him that his comments hurt you and are not making things better. Tell him it is okay to talk to you about how he is feeling and that you understand it will take a while for him to forgive you and trust you again but he should not be mean or spiteful towards you. Tell him it is okay if he is not ready to forgive you or is still hurt but you can not be his punching bag either!Good Luck!.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Life is about experience and through experience you learn. An important part of a relationship is forgiveness.
Seems to me that he doesn't want to forgive you. It happened, now it's either he forgive you or he doesn't. Tell him to make up is mind.
Even if you still love him, you won't be able to live with him if he keeps bringing it to the table.
There's never justice without a fight.
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