A
female
age
30-35,
*amieanderson
writes:My name is Jamie and i'm 18 years old. I know this is a little long, but please read what i have to say and help me. If you have been in my, Alex or Joe's situation before you're thoughts would be very welcome.I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 years last month. My boyfriend, Alex and i are going to uni in 6 months and it was something that was really troubling me. I started panicking about our future. We were having some communication problems at the time, so rather than talk to him about my feelings i went to a male friend of mine, Joe.Joe and i went out for a drink and flirted a bit. Nothing happened that night, but it felt so good to have someone make me laugh and to talk to about all the worries i had. So i agreed to meet up again. This time we went to see a film and it was quite alot like a date. As he was driving me home he suggested we stopped off for a drink so we did. After a few drinks i was very upset about Alex, and Joe comforted me. And then he kissed me. I kissed him back. He drove me home later in the night and we kissed again in the car. Things got a little frisky, but i said goodnight and went inside.Alex noticed that i mentioned Joe a little more in conversation, and later told me he noticed i kissed him differently. He began to get very paranoid, and started going through my emails and text messages to find out what had happened. When he found out he was furious, destroyed my flat and threatened to hit me (he didn't, but could have done). I begged for him not to leave, and eventually he said he wouldn't.Now, 2 weeks on i have cut all contact with Joe. What happened has just made me realise how much i love Alex and how much i want to be with him- and how little i want to be with Joe. However Alex is finding it very difficult to come to terms with what happened. How can i make the relationship work again? Can i ever make him happy again, or have i ruined everything? Is time really all it will take, or will this end up hurting us more?
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female
reader, jamieanderson +, writes (21 February 2009):
jamieanderson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey ArmyMedic and TasteofIndia,
Thank you for responding so quickly, it means alot. Just wanted to say that Alex has gone away for a week to 'clear his head'. What that means i can only guess at, i don't really want to know what he gets up to. What is important is that he called me today and said he knows what he wants now- to work on what we have. I think he now knows how sorry i am and how much i want to make it work.
Thanks again for your support :)
Jamie
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 How Alex reacted is a major red flag to me... he destroyed your flat? Threatened you? I realize that he was upset, and has the right to be - but both of these things send big neon red flashing signs to me that this guy can get out of control and had quite the temper.
Like ArmyMedic said, this is up to Alex now. If he can forgive and move on or not... if he can't, then I wouldn't waste your time trying to rebuild this relationship. You're going off to university anyway, you'll meet tons of new people and get a fresh start. If Alex can forgive and forget (and apologize for flying off the handle), then fantastic!
Give him a little time to chill out and process what has happened. He'll figure out how he really feels about it and if he can put it behind him or not.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (20 February 2009):
 This all comes down to Alex now, and he has to be a strong and understanding guy to forgive and forget.
Try telling Alex the whole story, or even what you have posted here so he can see it was a mistake.
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