A
female
age
41-50,
*opeful1
writes:I recently cheated on my husband. We have been talking about it for a couple of days and have an appointment to meet with a counsellor, but not for another week. What do we until then?
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female
reader, Hopeful1 +, writes (2 December 2007):
Hopeful1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update to anyone who has offered their help in this matter, which is deeply appreciated...I was able to find a counselor sooner than origninally thought and we visited with her on Friday. It seems to have helped some so far. My husband is speaking calmly with me and is going through some ups and downs. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions he must be on. I continue to be here for him to express anger, hurt or any type of joy he might have. I believe he wants to forgive me which makes me know that I truly have the best man ever.
I have been sharing all the details about the situation as he says it will help him to know and fight his enemy. As hard as it is to discuss those things, it would be a hundred times worse to lose him
As far as the other guy goes, that is completely done and over. It actually makes me sick to think about him. I don't know how I could have been so stupid and selfish. That is definitely not me and I am fighting to show my husband that. He is and forever will be the priority in my life.
Thank you to all who have offered hope. God bless you. You are wonderful people.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Have you come clean with him, the most intimate details. Our counselor reccommended it as cleansing.
If not will tell you as a male, this is a huanting factor for all of life.
Have you been tested for AIDS, if not do so immediately.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hi again,
it is natural that he is going to take a lot of time before he can trust you again. You just have to accept this.
A lot of couples end up stronger after an affair, hopefully you two can be the same. Just stay strong and keep your head up. And most importantly ( I'm sure you dont need me to tell you this ) if the guy you had an affair with comes back on the scene , tell him to get the hell out.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful1 +, writes (30 November 2007):
Hopeful1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat kills me is that he doesn't believe deep down that I care for or love him at all. That I do not want to be with him. And why should he? I crossed lines that 2 people who are as in love as I claimed to be, should not cross. The thoughts should not even enter into one's mind. If anyone out there is reading this wondering what it would hurt if they did it just this once, OH MY GOD, stop right now and know that it will not just hurt, it will damage so much that you don't know if it can be repaired.
I am lucky, my husand is a gift (which I currently do not deserve), he did not walk straight out the door and leave me to sit in my shame, guilt and misery. Not yet anyway. I pray like I have never prayed before that somewhere deep deep inside he will forgive my transgressions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): I share your pain as I did this too. We went to counselling as we love each other and it did help him to deal with it better. All you can do until then is try and get one with life as normal as possible.If he wants to talk let him talk to you about it. I know how hard it is. I didnt want to talk about it and it makes you feel so guilty and ashamed.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, EDL  +, writes (29 November 2007):
When two people choose to work through a difficult situation (cheating) there is something special between the two of you.
Take time to get to know each other again.
Counselling is where you both can be free to explore.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful1 +, writes (29 November 2007):
Hopeful1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo expand on our situation: Things in our household are touch and go right now. I do not have feelings of anger as I do not feel entitled to them. My husband is on a roller coaster of emotions right now as this is all so brand new. Sometimes he is angry, other times sad. So many different things which I understand. I do not lash back at him when he says how could you, I only tell him I am sorry for the pain I caused him and will work to correct my actions with my future behavior. I am doing the little things w/o trying to be a pest. All the things which I should have done for him before all of this. I loathe myself for my actions. It pains me to know the pain I have caused him. How could I do that to him if I really loved him. I was acting on emotion instead of consciousness and I regret my affair wholeheartedly. He asked me why he should forgive me and I told him that he shouldn't have to do anything for me and told him to see that I want to fix this for us. Thank you for words of encouragement. I know that I am not the victim here and I don't seek out answers to feel pity. I appreciate your responses.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 November 2007):
 What is the situation like in your house right now? Tense? Angry? Calm but hurt?
If you both are angry, then maybe you should take a breather for a week. Does one of you have family to stay with? Or a friend? Maybe you two should have some space for a week.
Or, if it's alright but feelings are still hurt, you should try to live as peacefully as you can with each other. Try to avoid talking about the cheating (it will only get both of you worked up and angry again). I wouldn't try to spend TOO much time together, and I wouldn't force talking to happen. Don't expect your husband to be happy-go-lucky all week.
Both of you should try to make an honest effort to be nice and on your best behavior. Don't force things too hard though, or eventually you'll both break.
I wish you luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (29 November 2007):
Given that your husband has agreed to see a counsellor with you, I assume he is prepared to work through this with you.
A counsellor is not going to be able to wave a majic wand and make your problems go away, bascially its down to the two of you communicating about what led to your infidelity.
So why dont you get a head start and begin the talks now: what led you to cheat? You dont mention the circumstances, was it a brief moment of madness or something that has been simmering under the surface for a while. This is what you need to talk about.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (29 November 2007):
Given that your husband has agreed to see a counsellor with you, I assume he is prepared to work through this with you.
A counsellor is not going to be able to wave a majic wand and make your problems go away, bascially its down to the two of you communicating about what led to your infidelity.
So why dont you get a head start and begin the talks now: what led you to cheat? You dont mention the circumstances, was it a brief moment of madness or something that has been simmering under the surface for a while. This is what you need to talk about.
good luck.
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