A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so I've made a major mistake and I'm not asking for reassurance from anyone or for anyone to try make me feel better because I know I have done wrong.well basically last year I was left hurt by a guy after he treated me really badly and dumped me. I kind of lost my trust in men. but at the same time I got really lonely so I started chatting to a guy online.except I gave a fake name, age, hometown and told him I lived with flatmates but i live at home.guess i was a bit too wary of the dangers of online dating.I really didnt expect to meet a decent guy.except i did. A really nice guy. we spoke for 2 months on and off and after that i tried to break it off but he wouldnt stop contacting me.so we ended up chatting for 5 months. i really wanted to confess but was too cowardly.i was never fake about my feelings or faked a personality.i just broke things off with him now but still didnt confess. he was upset. i feel awful.i was thinking of leaving it two months to let emotions calm down then confess to him.im not after forgiveness from him but just want to be honest and get it off my chest.should i do this or just never contact him?xx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe did want to meet. he was pretty much desparate to meet near the end. but we live 7 hours apart.
also i would never have met him without telling him the truth.
xx.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): You spoke for five months and he never tried to see you or meet you in person? I'd say he was hiding things as well so I wouldn't feel too bad. You were protecting your identity is all and any guy would understand that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thank you soo much for your replies. really appreciate them.all of you make good points.i understand the point of view of never contacting him to avoid upsetting him again but i really want to get the truth out. i dont mind if he never wants to talk to me again. i would totally understand. but at least I'll know i was honest with him.i think i will give it some time and then give the honest truth through an email and leave it at that. and whether he contacts me or not would be totally up to him.xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): If you can forget it and move on, then do that. By the way, i dont blame you for being careful about giving out private details. However if you are going to mentally `pick` at this situation you have found yourself in. Then i say, tell him the truth. Even if you dont end up together at least you can then move on with a clear conscience. And try not to beat yourself up over this. You never met him so for all you know, he wasnt being 100% honest either!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I'm also a guy and agree with everything anonymous jp said, will point out two specific dangers: You can't be sure he wasn't lying either and so he may not be the "decent" and "really nice" guy you think he is. You can't be sure he'll remain a "decent" and "really nice" guy if he knows you deliberately fudged details.Will repeat for emphasis his advice if you do decide to meet, meet in public AND make sure others know of your plans without telling him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous_jp  +, writes (13 January 2012):
well i'm a guy and i don't trust guys and never will so no matter how nice they seem online it doesn't mean sh*t til you know them, but i cant ignore the fact online dating/chat it has worked for a lot of people. you did well in changing your details. i think you should meet him in public and explain that you used fake details for your protection and couldn't find the heart to tell the truth but the connection is real and you want to give him a shot. remember though, don't put yourself in danger. there are evil guys out there, terrible things have happened to girls i care about and i can never forget.go with your gut because its right, don't go with what you want. it seems like you already know what to do. its also good to ask yourself what your greater good would do. good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Even if he were inclined to forgive you he's unlikely to want any further contact with you so confessing this now is worse than pointless. He's already been hurt and has probably reached some level of acceptance. Reaching out to him now would reopen old wounds and arouse suspicion. He'll wonder what your motives are for coming clean this late.
Say nothing and leave it alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I am one of those people that believe in being and living honestly daily. So for peace of mind and doing what is right, confess. Then ask him if there is anything you can do to make things right. Accept what he has to say.
Then move on.
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A
female
reader, angelalb  +, writes (13 January 2012):
I would not say anthything let it go. I understand why you lied and he might be understanding too but what if he is not. If there is no contact between either of you now let it go. Just remember to explain to the next person you meet online look when I get to know you better I will tell you more about me. Daniele
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