A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I recently discovered my husband has been cheating by texting and a bit more (but no sex as far as I know). He finished it when I found out and acted full of remorse. This has made me very insecure and I keep feeling I need to gain his approval all the time. For example, I put on full makeup and do my hair when he is due back from work instead of relaxing in the evening. I constantly seek reassurance that he loves me and wants to stay with me. Do you think this is more likely to drive him away again or do you think that it will make him realise just how much he has devastated me and how much I want him? I don't want to drive him away but I want him to know how hurt and insecure I am feeling. I know many of you will say I'm a fool and should not be doing this in the first place but I love him so much, I don't want to lose him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): he had the affair yet you are the one apologising for it. doesn't make sense does it. yes you may love him but he betrayed you , the trust is gone. you seem so fragile and so unsure of what to do next. you believe that if you step out of line he will go away and that will be the end isn't it. how can you live, on egg shells all the time. too afraid to be you, too afraid to do and say the perceived wrong thing.
you are currently devastated and should be. but he seems all right and that it is over. how sure are you that he is not continuing in the sly. you need to tell him just what his affair has done to you. seek marriage counselling for both and then for you alone. you are not the gulity party yet you are so unsure of how to behave. if your best is not good enough for him, well that is his loss. you want to salvage your marriage and you are scared to be alone. but when it affects your mental and emotional stability you need to start questioning. and be ready for some harsh eye opening answers. yes your self esteem has been low, you seem clingy and afraid but please try investing in YOURSELF. what do you want, what makes you happy. be content with yourself and start loving yourself. it will take time but you being afraid that he will leave is eating at you. please work on yourself and please talk to someone as to how you are feeling, and what his affair has done to you. start TELLING him how you feel. the devastation his affair has caused you.
good luck
A
female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Yes you have a problem when you can't be yourself, and free to relax then there is something wrong. He should except you the way you are and honey if he really wants to leave he will, No one can make a person stay with them if they are determine to leave. Why are you so insecure the problem is with him not you. It sounds like you were already insecure and this has made it worse, he may have just been flirting around non the less it was wrong. You need to work on your mental health instead of putting on more make up and things will heal themselves
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 I don't think that you are being foolish at all. I would, however, get some marital counseling to get to the bottom of the problem. It sounds like you still aren't comfortable, even putting in extra effort, and you need reassurance from getting some answers and boundaries set. Sometimes, having a third party involved helps get things back on track.
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