A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I moved a long way to live with my fiance. I love him so much. My two kids came with me: son, 14 and daughter, now 20.I have caught my daughter and fiance at it in living room! I went to bed early and came back down and caught them.This has broken my heart as I love both of them so much, they are my world. They both promise it will never happen again and it was a big mistake. I know they both love me.My daughter is away from home 5 days a week. Could i make this work if I lay some ground rules? I love them so much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Both the fiance and the daughter are out the door. Permanently. No discussion, no court of appeals, no plea bargains . . . just kick them out with absolutey no indication of ever changing your mind. (And MEAN it, probably.)
Once the ugly breakup is long over, it's time to start asking yourself some ugly questions about how you ended up with both a daughter who is this messed-up, and were also about to marry a guy who is this messed-up.
I smell a long-term pattern here for sure.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Lots of men have whose wives have children have fantasies about having sex with their wife and stepdaughter. Plus, your daughter is at the age where she is very sexually appealing. Before you make a decision, find out who initiated the sex between them. And ask your daughter why she had sex with your fiance, and if she enjoyed it. Her answers should give you a clue as to how to handle this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Dump the piece of shit.
My ex fiance did the same to me only my daughter started teh whole thing. Not like it matters she was only 13 he was 39.
Becky
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): no, no, no, no, NO!!!!!! He has to go. He violated about as sacred a trust as you can have. He is a potential step father to her and knows it. even if she stripped naked and begged him for sex, he could have walked away saying thanks but no thanks. if he is willing to have sex with your daughter, what is next - your son??? you obviously don't know a thing about the inner workings of this man...he is too good at concealing his desires. I hope you can not be so desperate to stay with a man who can do this to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Get rid of him. He did it with your DAUGHTER!? Sick. If he is your fiance, then he is technially her step-dad. He should protect her like a father, not have sex with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): get rid of him. your daughter is more important.
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A
female
reader, sweetlilpeachx69  +, writes (20 September 2007):
cut him out of your life . if he done this with your daughter how much respect or love does this man actually have for you and whose to say he wont cheat on you with people hes never met before if you cant trust him i wouldnt be with him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): ER, i would not have him in the same house. Get rid! How could he do that to you with your own daughter? That is so disgusting? She should of known better also. I wouldnt forgive either of them. They say they wont do it again, too bloody right. I would boot both of them out of the house. She may be your daughter but she is over 18 and you dont have to put up with her either in your home. And as for him, if he would do it with your daughter, who is only 20 then he will do it again, with someone else.
Get rid and enjoy your life. It will be upsetting but you do deserve better. Let me know how things work out.
take care
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): You should tell your daughter that she is going to have to find somewhere else to live. Don't sever your relationship with her. Cool it off for a while, until you get over the fiancee. You need to leave him. Your daughter is 20, she is old enough to be on her own. She betrayed you, and you have no obligation to support her financially any longer. If I were you, I'd either move back to where you came, or if you like it there stay but I would cut this guy out of your life and cool things off with your daughter until this situation is in the past. I am sorry for what happened to you, I can't really imagine many things that could be much worse. You deserve better for yourself. If you take him back after he did your kid, what else is he going to think that he can get away with? Anything!
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (19 September 2007):
 I hope for your sake that you are not considering staying with this man. He has caused damage to your family that can never be fixed. Do you honestly think it is wise to stay with a man who has slept with your own flesh and blood, your child!!! My heart goes out to you and hope that you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move on. You deserve better, you deserve to be loved and respected. And as for your daughter I hope she feels just as bad as you do. I think that maybe you need to take some time out to take care of yourself and stay away from them both. I guess if you look at the bright side of this whole mess, at least you did not make the mistake of marrying him. Even if he feels terrible about what he has done how can he make this up to you? Will you be able to wake up next to this man in the morning for the rest of your life and not think about him on your couch with your daughter? I know it may sound harsh but I would walk away and never look back. Good luck, I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I'm sorry, this is one of the worst betryal someone could do. I don't understand why your still with your fiance, they both don't deserve your forgivness and I'll never trust them in a room together again. I believe you should forgive your daughter, the fiance will cheat on you again, if he can do it with your own daughter, he will do it with another woman.
If I was you I'd dump both but you should dump your fiance and cool things off with your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I am afraid this is a terminal betrayal and I do not see how it could be possible to move on. You might try but I don't see how you could possibly forgive and you will be watching every move for always. Always worried about leaving them alone together, worried about the fact that she is a young version of you that he has taken despite the absolute and total betrayal that it represents. I hope that you value yourself dearly. If it were me I would throw them both out and perhaps one day repair in some way the relationship with my daughter. You can't have them both in your life now. I am sorry that you love him so much and this hurts so much. Don't try to be too nice, it would not be healthy. The healthy reaction would be an atomic emotional blow-out, not sitting listening to meaningless remorse. Just where was their concern and consideration for you when they were having sex? It did not exist and you did not exist to them. Perhaps your daughter could get pregnant by your fiance, have you thought of that? I am afraid that you did not matter at all, not one jot. You can not believe them. Matter to yourself. I am so sorry, this is just terrible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): The question is do you want to make it work? it sounds like you do, the trust has been shattered by two of the three people closest to you,if your fiance could do this with your daughter then how easy will it be for him to try it with someone else?I am trying to understand how this came about,you sound much more forgiving than I would be. If you think that you can put it behind you and get on with things then i wish you all the best.
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