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female
,
anonymous
writes: Im starting to be concerned with the way my bf has be acting. I mean maybe it's just stress from college and stuff but that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk towards me right? Well here is the situation. A couple months back like in late september early october my boyfriend was drinking with some friends one nite. He never told me til i made him confess that he did, becuze i knew that he was lying. When i asked why he lied he said that he knew that i would have been upset and pissed off. I told him that the fact let he lied to me just made it even worse for both of us, becuz i told him that i would not take lying from him no matter what and besides that we both promised each another that if we were to drink then we would drink together just for safty reasons. Plus i didn't think it was a good idea for him to start drinking during college because he is at one of the top best college's and he was a staight A student when out of highschool. Anyway the night i made him confess he went behind my back again and had a shoot or 2 since it was the end of the first semster and his friend was having a drinking party. He confessed that next day after he told me face to face that he won't lie to me again. When he confessed i was so mad that he would do it again i avoid him for about a day or two. Im still tying to trust him even now and we have been going out for almost a year. But now it's Feb. and we are having some issue's. He's been turning his phone off alot and when i text him he doesn't respone back til couple of hours and he just never gets back to me. When i haven't heard from him almost all day and i call later that night i ask him why avoids me and he's gets really defense towards me and tells me that he wasn's in a talkactive mood even though he was with people all day and he says that i over react. Maybe i do but i just don't really know what's going on anymore. One minute he's down to earth the next backs up into a corner and gets defense. I can't tell what's innocence acts or if he's cheating on me. I mean last night around 11 i text him he never responed back til like 2:30a.m. He said that he wsa doin homework and i want to believe him but last night i got really sick to the stomach and i just don't know if it's true. Can someone give me some advice on how i should handle this, if it is truely innocent acts or is he sneaking around behind my back, how can i tell the diffence?
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 February 2006):
 Cut him some slack, he is at college and this means the start of some excitement.
He will be trying to fit in with new frinds, find his way and drinking will inevitably be a part of this.
I suspect he is drinking with his mates and as he knows what reaction he will get from you he feels it is better to lie, carnt say that I blame him.
You need to look at why you have a problem with him drinking, it does not sound like he has a drink problem more that he is socialising.
Are you afraid that he will preffer the company of his new drinking buddies to you or that his drinking will lead to women, well if this is going to happen it will and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
If his drinking really worries you then it may be best you finish as im sure he will continue to lie to you rather than face the wrath that will come if he is honest.
You could relax your attitude to his drinking and say its ok for him to drink with his mates but that you would rather he told you about it than lie, also why not go out with him to bars and meet these friends so you can get to know them.
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (6 February 2006):
 dear reader i'm not sure that i can tell you if his lieing or not but it doesn't sound to good from what you have said i would love to tell you it will be alright but to be quite honest with you i'm not too sure may-be i'm wrong may-be he has strong feelings for you but trying to fight them hiself
when you speak to him faces to face try and look for tell tail signs of lying eg eyes wondering face going slightly redish lips puffing things like that
he really does need to be spoken to though either you or a mutual friend needs to have a word in his ear i think
if someone is going to be messing you around like this may-be its not worth the hasstle ah your in college and don't need the added stress of someone being a jerk to you
i wish you heath and happiness and hope that i have been at least some help to you good luck xxx
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