A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. Apart from let's go do some exercise. But it's not working out, she isn't committed. Anyway I'm not bothered until we go shopping or have an event .She spends hours at shopping to not find anything. We can spend 6 hours looking for a top/dress for night out only to find nothing. When she gets upset, I don't tell her she's fat, I book a day off work, plan a day out where I can take her to huge shopping mall, and I hold her bags and let her find that dress. Which she did!! Success!!! Problem we have is belly sticks out, rather than work it out we try and find a dress which magically hides it all. However 6 days later that dress didn't fit. She used to be size 8/10 slim when we met and now she is size 14 and struggling to fit even in this.This leads to her being unhappy and forever complaining.I'm watching her go up in sizes, if I say anything she is insecure. It's okay now size 14 isn't bad, nor is 16 but I'm worried it's harder to lose it once u have it. She lost all her body shape. I do miss it, but I'm so in love with her I don't care until she complains. When she complains it winds me up. Complaining does not solve an issue.Isn't being in our 20's supposed to give us advantage . We are not fat 50 year olds who can't exercise. What you all think? Am I just an ass or am I missing something?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): “Come on your miserable people stop supporting fat people, it's nothing but laziness. “
come on you miserable whiner stop attacking people with real problems, it’s nothing but holier-than-thou entitlement crap
see how easy it is to flip an argument?
there are many reasons people gain weight, at the rate you described your girlfriend has a medical condition.
“I was just curious why women are weird” ah, really? so i’m guessing you don’t actually have a girlfriend coz if you did you’d know already.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 You OP are very judgmental. Their are LOTS of reasons why people gain weight, and being lazy is just one off them.
IF their is no medical reasons or she is not on any medication that can cause this. Then try be MORE supportive. Tell her you both should start eating more healthy. Then make all your meals from scratch. Plenty of meat and vegetable. Eggs and salads. Lots and lots of water.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): 4 years can't be thrown in the bin. I was just curious why women are weird. Once I was told I was skinny, few months later I have the best body. Once I was told I was performing poor at work, I addressed the issue and now I been top performer since I looked inwards. WE have to find a solution right? If I said to my friend he is ideal shape when he is fat - that is called lying. Yes I'm honest with her, but I do give her everything I have. She see the sacrifices I make , so her life is better. Therefore we can't just leave each other alone, we care. I rather have her fat. But just saying we are young and energetic. Let's look back and admire using our youth to potential. We can be fat forever when we retire!?!!Come on your miserable people stop supporting fat people, it's nothing but laziness. Which develops into medical conditions and than its becomes offensive if we say something .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017): I think you have asked this question on here before (almost the exact same question) am I right? If so, I think this issue REALLY bothers you. I don't think you two should be together. You have different ideas of what is important in life. You are very into fitness, healthy eating, working out. She is not. I highly doubt that either of you will change. Women gain weight over the years. Often some women are genetically programmed to gain more than others. I am very slim and can eat tons of junk food and not gain much. What I am saying is that there may not be that much she can do. Yes you can fight your body type to some extent, but she may always be "chubby" body type because of genetics and body composition. About the stomach sticking out- well let me tell you that almost all women have this problem...even very slim ones. There are a lot of organs for women in the abdomen area, the stomach, uterus, bladder, is all crushed (unlike in males, who don't have a uterus and whose bladder has more space). Look at pictures of starving women and their stomachs still protrude! So I think you have unrealistic expectations in that regard. Women are always using tricks to have their stomacks sucked in like support pantyhose, belts, etc. etc. You seem very dissatisfied with her body type and the fact that she has "lost all shape". You are even at the point of fearing future weight gain that hasn't even happened yet! I think this is a big issue for you. We are all entitled to our preferences, but you should be honest with yourself, because it would be devastating to marry her, and then later on tell her you aren't attracted to her or maybe you would even cheat down the road. Look, some guys truly don't care about the body fat thing. I think you should let her go find someone who is into her body type. Relationships don't work when you try to change someone. You have to accept them as they are or move on to someone whose habits align with your own. If you break up though I wouldn't tell her the fitness reason. Because that will only make her insecure for the next relationship she has. Rule of thumb is never criticize someone's physical appearance or fitness EVER. Because someone else might like it that way. So just say other reasons and let her go.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (26 February 2017):
 I'm not sure how tall your GF is, but after reading size conversions (I'm only familiar with US sizing) it doesn't sound like she's on the verge of obesity unless she's very short in stature. I'm 5'8" with a 29 1/2" waist and so I'd also be about a size 14 in your country, but my BMI is high 21 to low 22, which is a good ways off from being medically overweight. If your GF is, say, 5'2", perhaps she's strayed into the overweight range of the BMI scale. A follow-up post including her height would actually be very helpful, because there's a huge difference between wanting to help someone slim down for health reasons and wanting to help someone slim down for aesthetic reasons.
That said, it sounds like the single biggest issue here is diet (junk food) rather than exercise. Depending on the intensity of one's workout, it would take literally hours in the gym to burn calories equivalent to one 1000-calorie fast food meal. It's much easier to create a calorie deficit (burning more calories than one has consumed) by making healthy dietary choices in the first place rather than eating garbage and then trying to undo it on a treadmill or elliptical.
But this is a delicate subject for almost anyone, so do NOT just come out and say "honey, you shouldn't be eating that." If you live together, start doing the food shopping, or take an active role in it at least. Say YOU would like to be and feel healthier, or are worried about your cholesterol. Make it about you, not her. Then buy healthy ingredients and snacks. Don't eat junk food in front of your girlfriend. Stay in and cook healthy meals instead of going out or getting takeaway. (If you don't know how to cook, consider taking a cooking class together.) Cut back on sodas and alcohol, which are huge sources of empty calories. You cannot MAKE your girlfriend do any of this with you, but if she sees you making consistent healthy choices she may think twice about reaching for junk food instead. Better yet if there's no junk food in the house, because it becomes a lot easier to reach for something healthy than to leave the house and go food shopping for junk.
If she complains that she has gained weight I think the appropriate response would be "But I still love you just as much" rather than bending over backwards to deny something you both know to be true, i.e., "No you haven't, I don't notice a thing." Because she has gained weight and you do notice it. Bringing it up directly isn't the answer (and will hurt her feelings), but if *she* brings it up, neither is denial from you. This lets her know that you're aware she is having difficulties with this, but are supportive and committed to her just the same.
Hope this helps. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 February 2017):
 It's possible it's not just laziness and eating junk - it could be symptoms of something else. For example, your perceived laziness and junk food could be a sign of depression.
When complaining, reassurance is needed. Perhaps you're not going to work out, or perhaps she needs to see her doctor.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (26 February 2017):
When she complains about her weight what is your standard response?
What some men don't get is that when their partners complain about something they are not always looking for solutions so responses such as suggesting diet and exercise are not what she wants to hear. She's probably looking for reassurance that you think she looks lovely the way she is and you will love her no matter what her body shape.
I also think you should avoid situations like going shopping with her if it only irritates when she complains.
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Excercise is important, but MORE important is what you put in!
Do you cook healthy meals? It's really hard, but once you start eating smaller portions, and carbs, it does get easier to have them for a treat.
I appreciate you are not in a position to tell her what to eat, but is there a reason that she is putting on weight? You say she is lazy, but is she unhappy?
Maybe try to have a coversation with her about life and the future, and everything? It is possible that there is something else going on.
Or it may just be happy fat, in which case I have no idea what to do!!!!
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