A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I split up with my ex of 4 years, 2 years ago. In our relationship he made me feel like I was worthless, dull, unattractive and pitiable. Looking back I see he used me, neglected me, blatently ignored me, shouted at me if I ever tried to discuss my true feelings with him and make jokes at my expense in front of me. I broke up with him but he told everyone it was mutual. I didn't see it at the time but he manipulated me to accept that and to make himself look better. He said and did some hurtful things. I had very low self esteem after we broke up and I still do. Before him I dated another guy who treated me badly, who put me down all the time.I've always been a sensitive person and I get depressed easily. I am trying to move on with my life, but I am struggling and still feel depressed most days. I recently moved to a new city with a teaching program. I started at a different time to the other teachers and I've found it hard to make friends. I see photos of the others on facebook out on boat parties, exploring the city, having fun, and I rarely hear about the events and don't get invited out much. I understand that I wasn't part of their initial group and I don't live with any of them, so it will be harder for me to make friends. But even though I know this, I still feel really bad a lot of the time.I have low self esteem so I'm, scared to put myself out there. I know I need to get involved and make some friends or I will never feel better about myself. How can I change the negative view of myself that I've learnt and go and make friends? I'm scared people will see that I'm odd, pathetic and laugh at me or talk about me behind my back. I know I've let the wrong people(men) in my life before but I don't know how to change and find good people who will treat me right.I have amazing friends back home, but how do I make new good friends? I feel really left out and lonely.
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broke up, depressed, facebook, move on, my ex, self esteem, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat was me posting below by the way :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): Thank you both for taking the time to reply to me :)
I thought I'd give a little update. I realize now that I was looking at things in a negative way, and things aren't really as bad as I was thinking they were. I need to tell myself, when I feel sad, lonely and bad about myself, that it is temporary, and that I am not the only one who feels that way. Sometimes in life, things don't go how you want them to go. Life is unfair and different for everyone. That is ok. I ought not to compare my life to others, and instead, keep doing the things I really want to do in my own life. Every day is a new day :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Lady get the hell out of where you are and start new. The past does not have to equal the future. Get professional help if needed to help you heal. Your a great person and never stop to recognize that. If necessary get the help of a good life coach but wait for a professional referral. Remember the past is the past. Each day is new. You deserve happiness like any other human being. Move forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Thank you. You answer was very kind and uplifting.
I'm going through a hard time right now. I thought moving to a new city would be a fun adventure, and I feel ashamed that it's not turned out to be what it "should" be, and seems to be for everyone else who's come here.
It seems that everyone has broken off into their own groups and I havn't got in any of them. I saw today that a big group of people went to a beach, and I didn't hear about it. When I have made an effort to ask people if they'd like to do something I do get invited along. It just sucks that I'm out of the loop and have to invite myself along. I know it's because I'm shy and quiet so I'm probably just being overlooked unintentionally, but obviously not feeling too good about myself doesn't help. I guess this was quite a big challenge for me, but I felt it would be good for me and that I would have great experiences and memories from living somewhere completely different.
There are a couple of the girls I get along well with, so I will just have to keep hanging out with them when they are free and push myself to go along to groups and events that I'd like to try, and just hang in there when I feel terrible, like today.
:) thank you x
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A
female
reader, Isy28 +, writes (14 October 2013):
Sorry to hear you feel this way :-( negative relationships have such a huge knock on effect with your self esteem....I understand completely I have been there myself. Remember they are in your past for a reason and didn't deserve a good soul like you! Totally their loss! :-) believe in yourself and remember you are unique in your very own way....and there is somebody out there just waiting for you :-) as for friends and the social scene...has not one of them mentioned a night out too you? That's not nice at all or welcoming....are there any other people you could get to know? Or are you friendly enough with any of the current group to say it would be lovely to join them one night. Don't take it personally - easier said than done I know...hold your head high! Your you....totally unique & amazing in your very own way :-) when self esteem is so low its hard to see why people would like you...and want to be around you..have you heard of Louise Heye? Postive thinking/affirmations? She's very good and her books will help you believe in yourself again. Tell your self your as good as any of them...a beautiful being who deserves love & happiness. Tell yourself everyday 'I love and approve of myself..sending hugs xx
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