A
male
age
36-40,
*illrogers
writes:My girlfriend came to me 3 months ago and said that we needed to go on a break but that she still loved me and definitely wanted to get back together with me fairly soon. While this obviously upset me i still comforted in the thought that she would get back together with me. After a month and constant repeatings that she loved me and that she wanted to 'get back together soon' she split up with me for good - even though three days earlier she had said that she thought that she would want to get back together in a few days. To make matters worse she started seeing one of my best friends about 10 days later which left me absolutely devastated. But even though she had really upset me i still loved her more than anything and i still have her best interests at heart more than anything. so when she called me at 4 in the morning the other week in tears after he had insulted her really obscenely and asked me to come meet her and comfort her i became really confused and this is where i need help. while he is an OK guy i know what kind of person he is like when it comes to women and that it is quite likely he will hurt her(emotionally) again. while i am well aware that i am anything but neutral i honestly feel that she is going to get hurt again and i couldn't bear to see her that upset again. should i talk to her about this or should i stay out and let her get hurt again?also, when she was hurt she called me even though her best friends live next door to this guy who's house she was at. should i read anything into this (that maybe she still likes me) or am i just being foolishly optimistic?thank you your help will be much appreciated
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a break, best friend, get back together, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): You sound like a giving, nice guy. Maybe to much so for this gal. You have an ex gf, who is saying she loved you but still insisted on a 'break' leaving you with the with a faint glimmer of hope of a reconciliation. Why did she leave you then if she loved you, hun? Now to add to your pain, she broke up with you for to go off and date a best friend of yours. This hurt you deeply. Now this new bf of hers is emotionally hurting her and she's coming back to you for support. You can wait around and see what happens, but remember in doing so you could be setting yourself up for some more pain. She could burn you again. Is the devastation worth it? My opinion is to forget about her and move on but, I know you really love and won't do that. So I will say, if you want her back, then just wait and don't date for a bit (not dating other people is wise, actually a good thing because its not fair for you to lead on other girls when you have feelings for someone else). You can keep contact with her, but to a minimum, the same way you do with good friends. For example if she phones, texts, e-mails don't be in such a big hurry to respond. Give it a day or two. If it happens she doesn't leave this guy or if she does but starts dating others, then realize that chances have become much more slim and you should move on. You can hope all you want, but use your head and realize..there are no guarantees she'll come back to 'you' even if this relationship with the current bf doesn't fly. Are you really, really ready to go through that, again.
A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 She will rely on you as long as you allow her to. I bet shortly after she cried on your shoulder, she went back to him. That's the nature of young love. Although, you have this inside information that he is probably no good for her..she will never believe it coming from you. Why? Because, she thinks you are still madly in love with her...and just trying to make her think badly of him. Now...why is your ex girl/friend going out with your friend anyway? Thats pretty dirty to me... I think it's time for you not to be around for her so much and start meeting new friends. She will either realize that you are a great guy and regret her decision for choosing him, or she will stay with him and get hurt. But, that's no longer your problem. Best Wishes.
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