A
female
age
36-40,
*londebunnyzn
writes:I'm writing this letter as I'm deeply. depressed and confused and would like to hear some feedback with what I'm about to write..the problem is I'm having trust issues with my boyfriend not just minor trust issues they actually bordering ridiculous and its beginning to cause me great depression and endless arguments as a result. I don't trust my boyfriend at all no matter how many times he says he's not cheating,not going behind my back I have this constant suspicion he is sleeping with someone secretly seeing someone when I'm not around.it all stems from what he has done in the past I caught.him out numerous times in the past placing ads on the net looking for sex and he cheated on me twice in the past just recently I found out he's subscribed to a online dating service when I questioned him about it he said he has been on it for years but never goes on it.how am I supposed to deal with that and believe him apart of me really wants to but I just can't especially given his history. we fight constantly about my trust issues he swears he's not seeing/sleeping with anyone but me but I still I refuse to believe him he keeps telling me to stop dwelling in the past.. I'm also not entirely innocent by no means as I did have a sexual interaction with a much younger guy last year but my boyfriend and i were not really dating at the time I still told him about it he forgave me and we moved past it.I love this man I do but there are things about him I do not like at all he puts me down he runs my family down he puts me down and says I have small breasts he has done this since we met which deeply has affected my confidence I'm even considering getting a breast enlargement I told him about it he just laughed and thought I'd gone mad.I have a good body and am fairly attractive he on the other hand is not the most attractive man in the world he is also a bit overweight I have never put him down about his weight or demeaned him in anyway and yet he is always putting me down about my lack of cleavage which does hurt me he also has a serious problem with keeping his word he always promises me things but never delivers he's also somewhat selfish and never takes me out to dinner we always eat at his place when I come over occasionally to his place he takes me to see a movie he never buys me flowers or spoils me its not about the materialistic gifts I just would love to feel more appreciated by him I feel he takes me for granted at times he always says he has no money but he has a profitable computer business so money to him is definitely no problem we are going to be moving in together with our child in 3 months time but I'm seriously having second thoughts and am even asking myself if he really is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with every time I try and end it with him he swears he will change and things will get better and that I just need to trust him and our relationship will be fine. I'm so confused I do love him but I don't like his ways and I'm so obsessed with the fact he's cheating I also feel at times I can do better then a man like him ..am I the crazy one is it all in my head or is he really just no good for me?
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breasts, cheated on me, confidence, depressed, flowers, money, overweight, puts me down, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (4 March 2013):
Maybe there's something that you left out, but you didn't mention anything positive here except that you love him, which is meaningless to me because women who's men beat them can say that.
So what it seems like you're doing is literally going crazy because you love a guy that's clearly not worth your love. Do you feel like that's what you deserve?
The guy isn't going to change, he's repeatedly been dishonest with you, it wasn't an accident or something. He is who he is and nothing you can do will change that. So you have to accept that or leave.
Since you obviously can't accept that (and I don't blame you) then LEAVE! Please! The truth is that he's not to blame for this situation, he's just being himself. You're the one with the power to fix it, not him. And the only way you can fix it is to say goodbye to the man who is making your life miserable.
Be single for a while, don't jump into someone else's arms to get over this guy, because all you'll be doing is temporary suppressing your feelings, not truly getting over him. It will be difficult but not impossible by any means. In no time you'll be feeling like a new woman, free of the pain that this relationship has caused. Then you can begin finding someone that will actually make you happy.
In the future don't worry as much about what other people do because you can't change it. Don't stay with someone that hurts you; use your power of choice to tell them that you won't stand for it and that you deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): Dump him and get a new boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 I always believe in working things out if possible. The fact that you are depressed is not a good sign. You are pushed to the limits. Even when he deletes his dating account, the trust will never be solid because he had done too many things to make you feel unappreciated. I think you two are sticking with each other only because of your child. Otherwise you would have left long time ago.
You are feeling if he doesn't change there is no way you want to move in with him. What you are dealing with is not accidental mistakes. He has a personality problem stemming from a bad childhood or something. What negative things he says about you is actually about himself. I don't think small boobs is a problem at all. He just wants to pick on you to feel better about himself. He also needs other chicks online to feed his need for attention. He has no capacity to think about your needs and happiness.
You may feel that building a family together is the right thing to do, that an intact family is better for the child but a happy single mother, is healthier than a bitter, resentful co partner. You should really rethink about moving in with him.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 March 2013):
Yes you certainly are confused as you have stated and have lots of reasons to be confused over your boyfriend.Reading your etter a few times i would advise you to take your time about moving in with him.First of all there is the tMrust issue and he certainly does not treat you very well.This would not be a very happy place for a child and this of the most importance.Ask yourself this question are you in love with being in love because your not in the dark about your boyfriend and you see all the problems .No matter what you decide Take time and space to think. Best Luck Nora B.
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