A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't trust my boyfriend and it's driving me mad ;( To be quite honest he asked me out 9 months ago and i didn't really think anything would come of it to be honest... But I said yes just to see..To start with we had issues because he didn't see me as often as e would have liked due to me getting a temp job and working extra hours~ turns out in that time he 'cheated' on me with his friend, even though it was only kissing... After I finished my temp job and got to see more of him he told me and said that if he had to chose between us he would chose me.As we spent more and more time together I realised that what I thought wouldnt lead anywhere was turning into me caring about him a lot- but I can't trust him after what happened at Xmas ;/ back then I blamed myself for working and not being there enough- but now I am.. I just dont know if I can trust him ;( It got to the point where I think about it on a regular basis,Him and the same girl (who he goes to college with and sees every college day) and I go to a different 1. He left his phone with me in the park the other day and I was so tempted to go through it-- And call me a a terrible person but I DID~ and he had texts to her of her complaining about her sister and he "strocked her head till she fell asleep".. Then I got freaked out I would get caught and lose him so I stopped reading... PLEASE HELP ME ! I am really confused, he apologised so should I just get over this and move on? I have told him how I feel about cheating etc and he says he knows... AM I PARANOID? sorry for the long post but please help me~ Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Depends if you saw something changed in the way he acts towards you - after you two started seeing each other.
Basically: if his involvement remained constant - I'd say give it up (you shouldn't trust him); if he changed his attitude towards you - then maybe he deserves a chance.
Here's the deal: if a man wasn't satisfied with you once - and found himself tempted once, he will be tempted twice.
if you really-really care that much about him, then you ought to change you attitude to make him feel that:
1) he CAN lose you
2) if he does loses you, that means forever
..at least that's how I see.
good luck
A
female
reader, katyayni  +, writes (3 August 2011):
Hi
First off, you started going out with him, thinking that it won't lead anywhere,but you decided to go through with it "just to see"! Honey, you already lost half the battle when you began something with such low expectations!
Maybe you have seen too many people letting you or people close to you down!
It was just a kiss and given your ages, quite normal! Building a relationship takes time. Trust is the first thing you need to give.
You say he broke your trust, but you didn't give him much of it either, right? I mean, it sounds like you very reluctantly started caring about him.
The only way forward is to Let Go.
Begin fresh. Don't keep expecting him to cheat on you, it will drive you nuts, affect your relationship and might transform into a self-fulfilling prophecy!
And, had you two discussed that you two were a couple before he kissed another girl? Were there any signs point towards relationship exclusivity?
Maybe he didn't know that?
It's done and over with. Spare yourself that mental stress. Have a good honest chat with your guy and move on.
Tell him that you'd like to give the two of you a real shot and see what happens.
Cheating is a risk and if it happens, you can't do anything about it... besides moving on. Whether single or in the relationship.
For now, try to see if you two actually have a solid relationship going!
If things don't work out from there, then you can totally go nuts. For now, don't torture yourself!
*smiles* ((((hugs)))
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