A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i need some advice on what to do.i have this boyfriend, we've been going out for about 18 months, and its not exactly been easy :( he cheated on me right at the start of our relationship, i forgave him. then he told me he was still in love with his ex, but that he didn't want to lose me, and wanted to stay with me and make it work.then he cheated on me again with a different person. i forgave him again.then about 7 months into our relationship, he randomly dumped me one night, and said he had been in contact with his ex, and that he wanted to give things another go with him.anyway, the next day i went round to see him, and he told me it was a mistake and he wanted to be with me again. i forgave him again.so then we went on holiday together, round the world for 6 months. it was really nice, and i thought we had grown closer, and our friends said so when we got home.but we started spending more time catching up with friends, than seeing each other, and we both started going out at night into town.so a couple of weeks ago he told me that one night when he was in town, he met a guy through a friend, who happened to be gay. he said they got on really well, and talked all night, but nothing else. this other guy had a boyfriend, and made it obvious that he wasn't interested in any way but friends.but my boyfriend decided that he wanted to meet more new people, so told me that he didn't love me anymore, and we had grown apart. then we both cried our eyes out.a couple of days later i went to see him, and again he told me that he missed me, and it was all a big mistake. we got back together, but i can't trust him, and i don't know if it feels the same. should i give it time ? or just think "leopards never change their spots "? thanks for reading :) any suggestions would be great.
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acne, cheated on me, got back together, his ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lalybug2008  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Leopards DON'T change! I know this from personal experience. I've been with my current live in bf for 3yrs on and off. And he sounds A LOT like the guy you're involved with. Cheating on me whenever he wants. Leaves me at the drop of a dime. "If the grass is greener on the other side, that's where he'll fly!" Only to beg to come back in a few days. These people are cold and heartless. They know what they're doing and love it. They LOVE the adventure of it all. And everyone is right.. if you keep taking them back all they know is that you're allowing it and they'll continue to do it. As the saying goes, "People will only do to you what you allow." It's a HARD reality to face because they know how to play the game and they play it well. When someone really loves you, they wouldn't do hurtful things like this to you over and over again. Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): My advice is to leave now given how many times your partner has cheated on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): The first time he cheated is when you should've left.Taking
him back over and over again gave him the message that it's
ok to mess around with other women or men because he's
gonna think that you're gonna keep taking him back.When he
told you that he was still in love with his ex,it meant that he wasn't ready for you.If he wanted to see new people
then he was ready to break up.No man or woman would say
they're ready to see new people when they're in love and in
a great relationship.That's crazy.You've wasted enough of
your time already.Taking him back 6 times was a mistake.If
you were gonna take him back more than once,which you shouldn't have,you should've known that he wasn't gonna change after the 2nd time.LEAVE HIM NOW!
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (6 June 2008):
 But I really love him?
I can see this is tearing you apart, but if you stay with him it'll happen again and again, it's like saying 'yes, I'm alright with this'.
I've had it done to me - my ex slept with someone else, said sorry, I took her back, in the end I flung her out!
Have some respect for yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): The first time he cheated is when you should've left.Taking
him back over and over again gave him the message that it's
ok to mess around with other women or men because he's
gonna think that you're gonna keep taking him back.When he
told you that he was still in love with his ex,it meant that he wasn't ready for you.If he wanted to see new people
then he was ready to break up.No man or woman would say
they're ready to see new people when they're in love and in
a great relationship.That's crazy.You've wasted enough of
your time already.Taking him back 6 times was a mistake.If
you were gonna take him back more than once,which you shouldn't have,you should've known that he wasn't gonna change after the 2nd time.LEAVE HIM NOW!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I will tell you that you have allowed this behavior by taking this leopard back time and time again. You have low expections of him and he knows it. The pattern has been set for the two of you and this is the life you will have going forward. So, if this is what you want, a revolving door and a life of uncertainly, then stay. If you respect yourself and want a dependable mate then we can all say it to you...this is not the mate for you.
But action on your part is required. If you really love him and want to be with him then leave him. Leave him for a long, long time. Leave him and go and see what else is out there and see what he does. If he goes on to find someone new to toy around with then he is NOT sincere. Never, ever tell him you may consider taking him back, ever. But if you want to change this pattern of behavior you can not accept it anymore. Give yourself a 6-12 month vacation from him and really allow yourself to see what other options you have.
My guess is that you will move on and never look back. If you take him back in 6-12 you need to have higher expectations for your relationship and he needs to understand that. The first time he cheats is the final time. And that my friend, is already one chance to many.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut i really love him, and leaving him will hurt so much, and he is really trying at the moment, to make things ok again. and when i'm with him its great, but then when i'm away the doubts come back :(
thanks for your answers :) please keep them coming :)
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I do apologize for missing the gender of this poster. However, my advice still stands true.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (5 June 2008):
No, no one goes out and sleeps around to spice up a relationship!
Think about yourself and your feelings, you have to selfish when it comes to cheaters. You should not sacrifice your well-being b/c another is not ready to commit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): You both missed the fact that this is a guy.
Alright, love. You need to get out of there. this is no good for you, and you're only going to keep getting hurt. It's not that leopards never change their spots, it's just that this leopard is a douchebag. You need to leave him, for good. There are so many better guys out there, and you're bound to find one that'll treat you the way you should be treated. Don't settle for scum like this guy.
Best of luck! xoxo
Lauren
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didn't pay for the trip, he funded it himself, and i funded my part. he always cries when he dumps me, and says he's knows he's an as#hole, and that he knows hes gonna regret it.
does he do it just to spice things up ?
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (5 June 2008):
He didnt just cheat on you one time, two times, or three times....
It sounds like he is using you as his back up. If someone better isnt around then he sticks with you. He didn't just cheat with ex but also another girl, so you cant say its because he is still in love with ex and is confused. He isnt confused, you are just there to use and abuse whenever he would like!
You are better than that and deserve to be treated well. Not tossed around emotionally!
Do yourself a favor and move on. You know you don't deserve this!
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 June 2008):
Step back, chill out, think about what you are doing? Round the world for 6 months? Maybe lavishing other gifts on him? You're rewarding him for cheating on you!! Why? This guy uses you, he gets back with you, and then dumps you for no reason, basically, he's thinking to himself 'oh well, she's taken me back before, she will again (and again, and again!) Stop doing this, have some respect for yourself, and get out of this!
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