A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is going to be kind of long, but I’d appreciate any help I can get because I’m really confused right now.About two months ago I started talking to this guy I worked with over the summer. Every time we’d have the same shift we would talk on our breaks. I found out a lot about him and I really started to like him. Three weeks after we started talking, I found out that he was leaving in a week to go back to school. We go to the same college, but it’s a huge campus so I didn’t know if I’d ever run into him. I decided to just get up the nerve and ask him if he wanted to hang out sometime. He said yes and got my number and two Saturdays later we spent the entire afternoon almost at an outdoor festival in our town. I still didn’t know if he actually liked me too or if he just thought we were hanging out as friends because at the end of the date we just talked for a while by my car and then he left. So the next weekend I was planning to go to a party at my friend’s house and I texted him to see if he wanted to come. He said he might, but later that night he texted me telling me he was still finishing a paper that was due the next day and asked for a raincheck. I joked with him about his work ethic and he told me he’d rather be drinking and having fun and, because I was a little bit past tipsy, I told him I’d rather be drinking and having fun with him. He laughed it off and said we’d have to make it happen sometime. Then a couple days later he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out the next weekend. We went out to eat then came back to my apartment and watched a movie. We ended up fooling around and probably would’ve had sex if we had a condom, but instead I gave him a blowjob. He stayed the night and then kissed me goodbye the next morning and texted me later that night. We talked some during the next week and then on Saturday afternoon he texted me while I was at my nephew’s birthday party asking what I was doing. I told him where I was and then he asked me what I was doing afterwards. I had to work, but he asked if I wanted to come over when I got off. I didn’t get off work until midnight, so I knew this was kind of a booty call, but I’d already had a couple of dates with him so I didn’t feel too badly about it and I agreed to hang out with him. I went over there and we watched some tv for a little while, but we ended up having sex. I spent the night over there and we had sex again the next morning. I had to study for a midterm and he had homework to do, so after we talked for a little while, I told him I was going to leave. He walked me to the door and kissed me then wished me good luck on my midterm. I texted him the next afternoon joking about how my midterm went bad, but it was a really short conversation because I was going into class and he was studying. Then I ran into him on campus Thursday and we talked while walking to class, but he didn’t act like anything had happened and kept the conversation light. It’s Friday now and I still haven’t heard from him even though we usually text every couple of days just to talk, so I’m kind of confused. I’ve never really done the whole dating thing before, so maybe I just don’t know what to expect. My only other real relationships just kind of happened, we didn’t date first. Plus, this guy is quite a bit older than me, he’s 27 and I’m 19, so I know he’s probably thinking about this differently than me. The problem is, I can’t read him at all. I don’t know if he actually wants to start something, if this is just a casual fling, or if it’s just a friends with benefits thing. While I really want to start something with this guy, I don’t know that I’m opposed to the other two options for the time being, I just want to know where I stand with him. I know this was really long, so if anyone stuck through it I really appreciate it. I was just hoping to get someone else’s opinion on what he might be thinking based on all of this. I’m just so confused about it all.
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blow-job, booty call, condom, friend with benefits, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 October 2012):
 Besides that, you need to decide what YOU want before you get involved in any kind of relationship. You don't let the man decide that for you. If you let men decide that for you, you will never be in the type of relationship you want. It's obvious you want more from this guy, but it's unlikely you're going to get it now that you've had sex with him.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 October 2012):
You said it was a booty call and that is exactly what it was. You can't have sex with a guy after only a couple dates and texting, and expect him to want a long-term committed relationship...especially in college.
If you want serious relationships, then you need to convey that standard...not just hop into bed with guys because you think you might like them. I am sorry to be so harsh, but if he's keeping it light, he just wants sex.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2012):
 It can only be casual as long as you can put your feelings under control. You should ask him about it. It's not just for you. He could be falling for you in the future too. Just remember even if you keep on telling yourselves it is just sex and friendship you will get attached somehow, meaning one of you will get upset if you don't hear from each other enough. A guy can be acting like a boyfriend but only when you happen to have free time together. What makes the difference between a boyfriend and a fling is that a boyfriend will attend to you even when he is sick, or has exams, while fling can just disappear without reason. If you have to question where you stand just assume it won't progress into a relationship. A serious mature man will make sure you don't have such worries. It should go both ways because a man would not want a woman to play with his feelings either. Being the older one he should be more concerned about your emotional well being and not just assume that every girl is okay with casual sex with no strings. When he can't do that for you you have to initiate the talk. It can be awkward having that talk but in my opinion this talk is required, no matter what your intent is. He may even worry that having that talk means losing you if you want different things. I know you don't have dating experience but still you have to be careful about what a guy says. A guy can say he wants a relationship just so he can get sex. His words has to match his actions. Good luck.
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