A
male
age
51-59,
*riendlyguy
writes:I am a gay man that just turned 40. I became friends with a straight guy who is 25 years old but he doesn’t know about me being gay and never said anything to make me believe he suspects. We hit it off right from the start. The ideas, the taste, the hobbies, and the interests were all the same. Conversation and dialogues always run smoothly. He is very smart, funny and good looking. When we are with other people he talks mostly and I just listen. One day he asked me why am I not saying anything. When I did, he said he knew why I was quiet. What I said was exactly what he was thinking. So, we are kind of completion of the other. Other times I say something and it is exactly what he wanted to say. You get the picture. I fell for him and love him dearly. The smiles he gives me, the replicas, the jokes really started it all. When we go out to a restaurant, he sometimes goes to the bathroom. When he comes back he’s watered and arranged his hair to look better and he’s all smiles but he gives me a kind of a flirtatious smile. He has a girlfriend but doesn’t see her often and they seem to argue. I guess difference of opinions and all that. Now, the problem is that he is a “sweetheart” and the greatest guy in the world for a few days and we talk and laugh a lot and then suddenly he just stops calling. It’s almost as if he doesn’t even remember about me. His reason is being busy and mildly reminds me. Sometimes he gets a little irritable if conversation goes too deep, but other times he’d call me passed midnight and ask me if I fell asleep and he wishes me good night. Another time we have just seen each other, everything was fine but just as I got home he called me that late to ask me if I am upset because he thought I was, and although he doesn’t want to make mistakes, he said that he could possibly act badly and unknowingly upset me and he wants to know because he doesn’t want to do that. Another time we went on a trip, stayed in a motel but we each slept in our own bed. Before leaving, he was looking underneath the bed to ensure nothing gets left behind. I jokingly asked him if he’s looking for his underwear and his response was yes, but perhaps would be better to look in my bed for that. He went to see a gay parade and admitted in front of other straight people that he’d pose naked and show it all for a certain amount of money but never have sex with another man. I just don’t know how to work on this anymore or what to make of it. I am deeply in love with him and can’t let go but I feel it’s not going anywhere. The question is what does he feels for me or what does he think ? Or what is he ? Is he not sure of himself or am I only imagining things ? Can you please advise ?
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male
reader, friendlyguy +, writes (27 August 2007):
friendlyguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo true. Very wise words. Thanks very much. Although a very delicate and difficult situation I'll let the time decide.
A
female
reader, auntyluuurve  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 these are my thoughts on what you have said.
"So, we are kind of completion of the other." - this doesnt mean u are a romantic completion of each other. i am this way with my best friend too, yet i am not gay.
"When he comes back he’s watered and arranged his hair to look better and he’s all smiles but he gives me a kind of a flirtatious smile." - maybe it is for your benefit, but this is the kind of thing that could TOTALLY be misinterpreted. because he may actually have done that for other people around him, because secretly he likes the attention, or maybe he knows u like him and just want the attention coz it makes him feel good.
"He has a girlfriend but doesn’t see her often and they seem to argue. I guess difference of opinions and all that." - could be due to you. but also, you dont know what REALLY happens behind closed doors.
"we talk and laugh a lot and then suddenly he just stops calling. It’s almost as if he doesn’t even remember about me. His reason is being busy and mildly reminds me. Sometimes he gets a little irritable if conversation goes too deep, but other times he’d call me passed midnight and ask me if I fell asleep and he wishes me good night." - wow, this is exactly like how my ex used to be with me before we got together. he had a girlfriend, but he liked me though. sometimes we would get on so well and it would seem like he was about to dump his girlfriend. then he would go missing, or act like a dickhead, and then change again. at the time i didnt understand, but later i came to realise it was him struggling for his feelings between me and his girlfriend. i won ;o)
"Another time we have just seen each other, everything was fine but just as I got home he called me that late to ask me if I am upset because he thought I was, and although he doesn’t want to make mistakes, he said that he could possibly act badly and unknowingly upset me and he wants to know because he doesn’t want to do that." - ok, that is VERY odd for one man to say to another if he is not gay. very, very odd. thats not the action of a straight man. unless you have just made him more feminine and caring.
"Another time we went on a trip, stayed in a motel but we each slept in our own bed. Before leaving, he was looking underneath the bed to ensure nothing gets left behind. I jokingly asked him if he’s looking for his underwear and his response was yes, but perhaps would be better to look in my bed for that." - nah thats just a joke.
"He went to see a gay parade and admitted in front of other straight people that he’d pose naked and show it all for a certain amount of money but never have sex with another man." - it doesnt matter what he says out loud, hes hardly going to admit hes gay if hes already struggling with it.
so in my opinion, he could well have feelings for u. he might be confused. he might be in love with you. or, hes just quite a feminine guy who likes you a lot as a friend.
all in all, i would strongly advise you to do nothing. if you say something to him you might scare him off into denial. the best thing you can do is either wait for him to tell you, or get into another relationship and see how he reacts, he may well get jealous and tell you how he feels, but if he is genuinely happy for you then i think he really is straight.
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