A
female
age
30-35,
*nagha
writes:Monk and I got married recently. He's in the military, navy, but he has a pretty decent schedule right now. Before, he used to be so romantic and pationate (oh, we sorta did an online dating while he was in A-school, we knew each other from high school and met up again this way and decided to try a relationship again). I'm not trying to sound whiney or anything, I love him whith all of my heart, and i know he loves me. But...I just wish that he could show me that he loves me. not with kisses and hugs. I mean things like openly showing me that he's worried about me, but whenever i said that he got hurt thinking that the snuggles every morning wasn't good enough. It is, but....i want more. I know its selfish, but its true. I wish that he would spend more itimate time with me, not sex or anything. I mean things that I do for him, like massages and such. I'm pretty shy and he doesn't ick up on hints very well...how can i tell him what i want without sounding selfish or demanding?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (14 October 2008):
 You're very welcome!!
Maybe that's what it took to get some much needed information for yourself.
Good luck and be HAPPY!!
Michelle
A
female
reader, anagha +, writes (13 October 2008):
anagha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did and he started thinking that something was wrong. He asked and I told him that i thought i was suffocating him. he laughed and said that he liked it when i started things like kissing, snuggling and even sex. XD i almost feel relieved to know that honestly. He's always been the emotional rock, at home and school. He and I were the ones people came to for comfort and just someone to talk to, he's not used to showing his emotions just yet. He will tell, but will not show very often. he's not bottling them up or anything like that. no, he finds his own ways of venting, things like video games and card games. Thats just how he is. ^-^ its good to know this about him now. Things should go a LOT smoother. Thanks ^_^
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (6 October 2008):
Now what?
Stop worrying so much and take what you have and have fun with it.
First things first, let me ask you, do you initiate hugs, kisses, making love and anything or everything like that?
If so, STOP! Let him be the one to do it next time and it may take a while, but you HAVE to let him do it. Sometimes we suffocate our partner without realizing it. Thinking to ourselves, oh I show him/her lots of attention, I give them plenty of loving, when in fact we are giving a little too much. Yes, there is a such thing as too much. Especially if you've always been the one that has given most of it.
Some people feel that if they love you and snuggle with you , make love to you and say the occasional I love you, then they are doing what they think should be done. This is not wrong and should be appreciated. It leaves some feeling neglected because we want more or "think" that we should be getting more.
If you back off, he will come around a bit I'm sure.
As far as him yelling at you and telling you that you need to get your ass over there and then saying that you shouldn't have left if you didn't know where you were going, he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Honestly, in my eyes he didn't. My husband tells me to get my ass here or there just in his way of talking. He means nothing mean by it. Then him telling you that you shouldn't have left without knowing where you were going... Well... you shouldn't have hon. You should have merely said, I don't know how to get back off base. I know first hand how complicated those bases can be. I was a military wife for 12 yrs. Don't be scared to speak up for yourself. Ask a question if you want or need to know something!! I got lost once in Portsmouth, Virginia and found myself going in the same circle twice. Finally I had to call the ship and get my husband to explain to me exactly how to get home. It was my first trip out on my own when we moved there. I HATED THAT PLACE! Even after learning my way around. You go somewhere one way and back home another. WTF?!
Sorry, kind of off the track there. He's probably not going to apologize and if you say something about it, then he's going to think, "what tha hell?!" Because you took it to heart and you shouldn't have. Toughen up a little and don't take things to heart and don't expect him to be like a woman. He's not going to be. We are more gentle in the way we do and say things and men are to be strong! You want him that way!
Think of it this way, would you rather be with your boyfriend and have the love and relationship you have or would you rather be alone, with no one and lonely?
We who have someone are fortunate and should take a step back and not try to analyze everything. It causes so much friction and unnecessary unhappiness. Make the best of all of the good and take the bad with a grain of salt. Brush the bad off, if it's not bad as in him abusing you that is, which that's just an example.
Lighten up and step back a bit and watch this make a difference. It will!!
You have to do this for it to work and you can't do it for a week and expect it to work, it may be longer, but it will pay off.
Also, if he happens to ask why you are not doing as you normally do... tell him, "I felt I was suffocating you so I thought I would back off a little."
Stick to this and keep me informed if it has brought up him saying anything or acting any different.
Don't be so soft hearted sweetie, it makes us miserable in the long run. I was the same way, but now I'm a bitch!! LOL
If there are things you left out that may make what I've said seem to make no sense, let me know. I don't know everything so I'm going on what I think.
Let me know if there's anything else you need help with.
Good luck and keep your chin up sweetie.
Michelle
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A
female
reader, anagha +, writes (5 October 2008):
anagha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I tried it, now he seems like hes just avoiding it...what should i do now? Its getting really lonely...I heard a friend of mine say to my husband "hey, you remeber all the stuff that she did while you were engaged, it stops." That's a lie.....he's the one that stopped.....i wish that he was just a little bit more....loving. You know, like...i've seen guys that will play with their girlfriends hair.....or pet them, hug them for no reason....give them compliments on their hair....their outfits.....he doesn't....unless i ask.......i've seen guys that will give their girls massages just because. Monk doesn't.....i don't feel right asking for these things.....and i don't know how to hint it to him that i want these things.....am i wanting too much? is this not normal? what can i do?
Also, i will try hard to look good for a day and...near the end he will critique my appearance, like the other day....."are you sure you should have worn your hair in pigtails with it frizzy like that?"
i got embarassed, i did it so i would look good. so i told him "you told me that you like my hair pulled back though." He turned a little to me "i do, but with your hair frizzy like it is, i don't think that it was a very good idea."
At that point, i litterally wanted to crawl under a rock and just hide there, i wanted to cry i was so embarassed. he didn't say it in front of anyone or anything, but it was still embarassing. And yesterday, i was his ride somewhere, i got lost on base trying to find gas for my car, i've never driven there before. well, he called and the first thing he said was "get your ass over here." I understand that he really needed to get there but....he never even apologized...even after i told him i cried. He just said "you shouldn't have driven off if you didn't know where you were going or how to get back." Now what?
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (3 October 2008):
Ask him, that's not sounding selfish or being demanding. While laying beside him, ask him sweetly for a massage or start playing around, giggles and tickles are fun and attention for you as well.
Some men (and women) don't get into giving massage's, they don't like giving them at all. Nothing against you at all.
Communicate! If you don't it will cause trouble in your relationship sooner or later.
Good luck,
Michelle
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