A
female
age
26-29,
*XAmiXx
writes:Dear cupid.So, I deleted my friend's number off of my phome. He is a boy that I like A lot. I deleted his number off of my phone because...I like him so much, I (well I used to) text him everyday, and he'd never push me away or say I'm being annoying or anything and we have some petty to super deep conversations but I just feel like he is doing all of this to be nice to me andI like him so much, I do think consciously like I know the difference between when a person is only being a friend and when a person is interested(to an extent like I don't know when a person likes me or anything like that) But this guy is definitely treating me like a friend and I am just trying to really distance myself away from him because Like...I think about him all the time, and it's not even his looks(I mean, he's super handsome) but I am not even concerned with his looks anymore, if he was not who he was as a person I know I wouldn't be as into him as I was. He'd be just another pretty face to me, but he isn't. He's unique, intelligent, and creative and straightforward and trustworthy and my fondness for him has begun to affect my behavior like I subconsciously wait for him to appear before me, to approach me and I have these little fantasies that I know aren't ever gonna come to pass because these are fantasies and this is reality.But do you know what I mean? I can't stop thinking about him and it just hurts a little bit because I'm wasting my time falling head over heels for a guy that only sees me as a friend.Or so it seems, I mean, like...he knows I like him and I never like constantly told him I like you so much!!! Marry me!! Or nothing like that but we had natural, casual conversations regarding our friendship and my feelings and he's always like giving me the benefit of the doubt which I know he is only doing to give me hope and not hurt my feelings. Like he says things like "I don't know. Maybe in the future." Or he'll carefully choose his words like "I am currently not romantically interested in you yet"So, he's still neutral like "perhaps" and my heart is like *_____* "WANT!!!" And I see him everyday at school and we hang out with the same friends and everything so my feelings get stronger because I'm around him on the time. So I finally took a stand and decided to delete his number from my phone because I feel like I text him too much, and I delete his picture from my phone and at school if I see him I kind of just....pass him by, like I'll see him and want to go by him but then I just turn away and tell myself "Move on, child. Move on, it's not gonna happen,"All in an effort to just give myself some breathing room, truthfully because I am afraid that if I continue to allow my feelings to feed off of him being nice to me, I might do something stupid or I'll be super crushed if he doesn't develop feelings for me later on.I just want some space that's all. Some time to myself to regroup because I've been in strong STRONG like with this dude for months and its just not working. I know like feelings take time to develop, really, they do and maybe I am obsessing. So I guess you could call my actions a defense mechanism to keep myself from getting hurt in the future...I don't know, I mean, you think this is a good thing to do or am I stressing too much. If you wanna know, I'm also super self-concious around him, like he's too good for me or something like I don't really have anything about me that can impress him too much. And I mean, he's always genuinely nice to me, he doesn't bash me, he told me that he believed me to be very well-rounded with the exception of perception. He says that my level of perception is high than the average person's, he also says that he doesn't tolerate me "He enjoys my company" and like everytime I try to dehumanize myself( like if we are having a deep conversation and I talk about what I believe to be my flaws he humanizes me like "Oh don't worry that's normal" or "worry not" and when I'm alone he'll approach me sometimes to say hi or to talk to me.What I'm basically trying to say is, he hasn't really given me a reason to not wanna text him, he's very nice to me(excluding our play fighting and such) and he's trustworthy. It is more like I've given myself a reason to keep my distance because I feel like the closer I get to him the stronger my feelings are gonna get and if he doesn't return my feelings "In the future" as he put it, I don't wanna be all schizo for him or anything.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (18 October 2012):
 I think you made the right choice to distance yourself from him. He isn't interested in a relationship with you but is trying to be nice and let you down easy by saying "maybe one day..." he's not a bad guy, too nice in fact, he needs to be more upfront to keep you from holding on to hope. Hope is what is causing your feelings to stick around. If I were you I'd stay away as much as possible to let the crush fade.
But in the future, don't put yourself down to guys! First of all you shouldn't think lowly of yourself or think you have nothing to offer this guy. You do! Confidence is going to be key for you to ever land a guy. A happy, decent guy doesn't want to hear (especially not date) a girl who is so unconfident and down on herself all the time. If you think you have nothing to offer him then he will think the same. The fact is you do have great things about yourself. You just need to take the time to sit down and note all of the things you do love that make you, you. Think about why this guy would be lucky to have you and is missing out by not realizing what he's got. I can already tell from your post alone that you are intelligent and mature for your age, those are excellent traits. You need to think of the others and remind yourself that you are great every day. I'm not trying to be cheesy, it does work. You just need to get out of your negative attitude about yourself. EVERYONE has some things they don't like about themselves- it's key to not focus so much on those and more of the good.
No boy is out of your league so don't let yourself believe this. This guy is not God's gift to the world and you are not unworthy of him. Always remember that you will be treated how you allow others to treat you. If you act like you aren't worth it then everyone else will follow suit.
So my advice for now is to distance yourself from him a great deal. If he starts to come back around, don't throw yourself at him or say how much you like him and definitely down ever put yourself down around him again. Exude confidence, be happy and smile. And if he ever asks what happened and why you are distant, tell him you were interested in him and he wasn't reciprocating so you had to move on. It shows honesty and strength (it's hard to block someone and let go) that you won't sit around hoping he comes back and telling him constantly how much you like him. Which, coincidentally, are other good traits of yours :) If there ever is a chance for him to come around to liking you the way to do it is this. It would give him a chance to miss you at the very least, then see that you don't need him, and then see that you are a happy and confident girl.
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