A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy I used to see ages ago and it just didn't work out romantically but we decided to he friend. However, he's got with a new girl and I've found myself being pushed away and he says he can't talk to me anymore because there's mistrust in their relationship. Fast forward 5 months of me backing off and she's pregnant. I feel its the end of my friendship with him but I don't want it too. The issue I keep alsing myself in my head is: what if my feelings are beyond friendship as I can't stop thinking about him. I'm happy he's got a baby on the way but upset I'm not there to share it with him.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2021): I'm the one who posted this and appreciate all the comments.
Background of us was that we tried to be something years ago and it just didn't work. A mutual agreement that didn't even make it to a 3rd date. I wasn't ready.
We lost touch after this which I instigated and moved on. He messaged me a just over a year ago again asking for advice and help with his relationship. I tried so hard to ignore him because we spoke in between the first point of contact and this but it was all childish comments. I knew I didn't need him however, I took pity and replied. He asked to meet up so I did and we got on much better that time and we were so comfortable with each other - however still not right as I had a boyfriend.
We spoke as friends (his decision) and it was fine until this girl showed up. I was so happy he had found someone as had I but she decided I was a threat.
Fast forward to now and I've been through pain of him messaging me when he's offshore but ghosting me when he's with her.
Then due to the baby, he cut all ties and left me with loads of questions. I get why, but also he played a lot with emotion.
I know I should let go... But it's hard, especially during this time
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2021): The fact is, you held-on pretending to be a friend; until he found somebody else. Now he has to focus on his relationship and distance himself...apparently, knowing all the while you feel more for him than you're admitting. This is the outcome of trying to manipulate a situation to get what you want; when the reality tells you things are otherwise.
You prolonged your misery after you broke up, you nurtured an unrequited-infatuation under the guise of friendship; and you allowed your sense of entitlement to lie to you, by convincing you that you had to have this guy at any cost. Even if you have to deceive yourself into pretending all you wanted was to be friends.
Well, this is where you must be a grown-up. You let-go, endure the withdrawal of detachment, and you move on. He's not your boyfriend, nor was he really a friend. He was an infatuation that you cultivated out of stubbornness; and now your heart is broken. I am truly sorry about that; but now you've got to go through all the phases of emotion from grief to acceptance. You secretly kept your romantic-feelings attached, now it's like ripping a scab off a wound! It will take some time to heal, because you kept feeding your affections for him; in spite of the reality that he belongs to someone else. You hovered over his relationship, making his girlfriend uncomfortable, because she was aware of your feelings. Women seem to see through each-other!
You'll get through it, sweetheart. You really don't have any choice.
Now is the time to face reality; so you can find someone who is single and available, and wants you as much as you want him. That's what you truly deserve.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 January 2021):
 I suspect you settled for a friendship with this guy because you hoped, at some point, you two would have a romantic relationship again. He is not free to give you what you want. Even when he was free, he chose not to give you what you want.
He has a new girlfriend now and a baby on the way. He has been quite honest where his priorities - quite rightly - lie, i.e. with his current girlfriend and his child. The fact you are not happy with this because it is not what you want is neither here nor there.
For what it's worth, your feelings are not uncommon. However, that does not mean you will benefit in any way by hankering over him. He has moved on. You deserve to do the same. If you keep pursuing him, you will make him uncomfortable and he will grow to dislike you. Come on, girl. Deep breath, head high, move on with your life. This one was not meant for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 January 2021):
 You got to let him go.
You might WANT to try and stay friends but HIS priority is making sure his partner feels secure and being friends with YOU makes that harder, so it's EASIER for him to DROP you than having to convince HER that your friendship is OK.
You and he didn't work out, THE END.
MOVE ON.
The longer you try and force a friendship with someone who DOESN'T WANT to be your friend the more time you waste on someone who isn't INTO you.
And the longer you hold on to this guy, the longer you will miss out on a potential GREAT partner for you.
You don't HAVE to try and be friend with all your exes. It's OK to let them go and setting yourself free.
Move on, OP
Stop wasting your time.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 January 2021):
 I'm sorry if i come across as being blunt, but i really think that you need to let him go.
From your post its clear that you still have romantic feelings for him.
When you were together you never worked out romantically, so chances are you never will.
His situation has changed, he is with someone with a baby on the way.
Nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you, i think you harbour these feelings because you simply have not met anyone else yet.
OP its time to let him go and get on with your life.
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