A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's been really weird and off with me for the past week. I see him every weekend and sometimes a few days during the week when we have time. We usually text everyday for most of the day, (though we're not one of those lovey dovey couples) however this week we've hardly had a proper conversation atall. So yesterday, I stayed at his to see if he was any different in person. He was acting his usual self but I don't know, something still didn't feel right. Before we got together I wanted him to prove himself (that he wasn't what everyone made him out to be which was a man whore) It took him a few months to prove himself as he would take me out on dates and try really hard to win me over. Eventually when I said yes to going out with him, things were great between us but now I feel like he's tried and he's with me now so why bother trying and putting effort into anything. Also, when were in bed together he usually spoons me, lies really close to me and puts his arm around my waist but last night he faced the wall, granted I did wake up and he was spooning me but I don't know what to make of it all. Am I over thinking things?
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 How on earth has this guy "proved himself" to you?
You say he was promiscuous and it took a few months to prove to you that he was different. He took you out on dates and tried hard to win you over.
I'm sorry but from my perspective, you made yourself a interesting prize and a tough challenge.
He won you over, claimed his prize and now it seems the novelty is wearing off. The chase is over for him and therefore probably the allure.
If he was (and still is) a "man whore" then he will be very experienced in the bedroom and know what women like and need and that includes cuddling afterwards.
I have been in a relationship with a guy like this and can only speak from my experience.
Guys like this are total wimps, they DO NOT dump their girlfriends, they start to distance themselves, then stop calling, then they make the girls do the chasing at which point they then start ignoring her, not returning her calls and basically treating her with indifference until the girlfriend decides to end things. At this point the guy moves onto his next conquest.
In future if a guy has a bad reputation, then steer clear, don't assume you can change him.
And no, your not over thinking things, go with your gut instinct here.
I hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I think you should listen to your intuition. When something Is off or not quite right, it rarely lets us down. That has been my experience with men and dating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Women have to understand that men do not express emotion as openly or freely as they do. We do reach a point where it starts to become forced and uncomfortable. So we may pull back a little. You can bring us back, if we feel you slipping away; but you can also easily crowd us, and we will push you away. Or, run the opposite direction; if we feel caged or smothered.Don't force guys to prove stuff to you. That's being controlling, it will backfire if you think that is a way to get what you want. Use it when necessary; like when he shows too much indifference. Not to prove anything too you. Then he is just being a puppet who does what you want him to do, when you pull the strings. He'll get tired of it, and that will become a big fight. He'll even leave you; and like most guys, he will not even tell you why.Trust your instincts. You handled things properly; because you noticed he was a little off balance. Once you get him back on track, back off and let him show you how he feels on his own terms. Real love is given from the heart, not squeezed out like juice from an orange.Listen to what some of the male aunts have to say. We can explain more of what men feel and think; because we are men. That doesn't mean you don't listen to other women, just be open to all opinions and advice to your question.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 If you ask any guy to prove himself to you, not just to agree to be in a relationship, but his whole life he has to be interesting, engaging, and romantic, I think that is too much pressure and no one would be able to keep it up. Women would not say that to men otherwise they won't get any dates but it is a hidden contract that these guys sign up to.
Being quiet is not necessarily a sign that he's tired of the relationship and wants to go back to playing the field. I do think couples run out of things to say, especially when there is a stereotype that men talk to get things done, while women talk just for the sake of it.
I will give guys a break when they struggle to finds things to say but at least they should still go out with you on dates and celebrate seasons together. Relationships should also have a direction, like future ambitions or meeting family members.
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