A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was with my ex for 2 years 1 month. broke up in january 2008 and im still not over him. . unfortunately theres still a bit of hope left in my brain that we will get back together,my problem is i cant let go. i know i have to but deep down i just dont want to have to forget him. i still think of him everydayhow long did it take u to get over ur first love and how long were u together
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female
reader, CarrieB  +, writes (28 June 2009):
first of all, i totally hear you. my first love was when i was 15, when we broke up, it took 2 years to get over. but i have to say, i dont think its the length of time in general, i think its the length of time until you fall in love with someone else. once you find that happy place again, you'll be able to reflect warmly on the time you did spend together.
that being said, getting to the point of emotional availability requires you to think less with your heart and more with your mind. there had to be a reason the relationship didn't work out. has that reason disappeared? did one of you have a lesson to learn or maturity to gain or perspective to get? if so, has that happened?
there is nothing wrong with bearing your soul and telling him truthfully that you can't stop thinking about it. it may alleviate some of your anxiety about feeling so helpless, but you need to make sure you have a valid reason (both for you and for him) as to why it would work out if given a second shot.
don't beat yourself up. go with the flow, and use your energry to think about things and do things that make you feel strong and independent and healthy and level headed. if you keep trying to get yourself back on your feet, i think eventually you will wake up, and smile because they finally got there.
take care of yourself. take deep breaths and remind yourself that you're young, and not only is there a good chance that you will meet someone that blows this guy out of the water but also that you guys could end up back together.
don't let yourself get stuck in the mindset that because it COULD be, it IS. what it is is your reality right now. if he's not in it, try to find some other way to be happy where you are - and the COULD be things will either come or they wont and either way you'll be fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I am in similar situation as you are. My ex boyfriend broke up with me almost two months ago and although I brain-wash myself everyday that he is not coming back I have some hope as well. I have read many books and articles. Many couples get back together daily even though the situation is hopeless to even impossible. If you miss him and can't stop thinking about him I don't see why not try to get back with him. I understand that it has been a while since the break-up, but I think it is never too late. If you really want it, I think you should go after it. It is better to try than not try and regret forever. I feel your pain and I hope my advice helps. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I feel for you. I've been there and it is the worst feeling in the world. We were together 4 years and it took me.... 4 years. I wish I could give you some good advice or uplifting news, but it just take time... A long time. It took me until getting into some shitty relationships, getting my heart broken again by someone else (2 years), missing my first love another year, meeting someone else I am currently with. The moment I finally realized I'm better off without him was when a mutual friend and I hung out recently and I didn't like things about him that reminded me of my ex. I realized why it didn't work out to begin with, how much I've grown and how little we would have grown up if we had stayed together. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Just try to not think about it, that hope is what hurts the most. However, I know other people who got over it much more quickly. Maybe you'll be more like them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): hey, im in the same age catogory as you; my first love broke up with me about 18 months ago, he cheated one me and left me for someone else. Even though his behaviour towards me was disgusting and i knew logically i should consider myself to of had a lucky escape and move on to better things, i couldnt let go either. Part of me refused to believe the fact that he was gone and he wasnt coming back. I couldnt move on and i found things very very hard for along time. I must have cried for him every single night for about 8 months, and even now i think of him most days. Sounds very cliche but it does get easier in time and when you meet someone else it makes things seem better because its puts things in perspective, makes you see that you can have happiness with someone else.
hope youre ok x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I broke up with my boyfriend of two years three months ago and am a LOT older than you are and he wasn't my first love.
I think of him every day as well, but now finally am being truthful with myself and realize that I did not want to be in the relationship and asked him to move out because of it, however, I had hopes of this improving my situation with him, but he ended it and found another girl in a little over a month after I cut off all contact with him...so now it is too late to get back together.
I think it can take around a year to get over someone if they were important enough to you and in your life every day for a long period of time. It is psychologically impossible to break that bond entirely even for my ex I am sure or he wouldn't be in a rebound relationship.
People deal differently but what you are going through is bereavement or grief and it takes time to work through that.....it does not mean that you should get back together or that it would even be good for you to do so.
You broke up for a reason and those reasons were important.
I tried to resolve problems with my boyfriend, but he did not want to work on them and instead got offended and left. He is immature, self centered and selfish and makes poor choices and I just don't want to live like that any more....I tried, I loved him, but I just couldn't let him ruin my life too and putting up with the constant stress of his problems that he often brought on himself with his lack of responsibility was just too too much!
Start thinking of the reasons why you broke up, if it was a matter of timing that is one thing, but if your ex was not a good partner to you, then that is another.
The quicker you can let go the better for you.....I haven't started dating yet, but I am about to get out there and try....I deserve someone who is more on my level I think and perhaps so do you.
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