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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm not sure how to deal with myself and keep my emotions and anger controlled. I have been getting upset lately, but I would like to talk it out instead of yelling and getting laughed at. Well I don't usually yell, but I do speak very meanly. Yesterday was my holiday party at work and I kept telling my bf to be waiting for a call so he can come pick me up cuz I figured I'd have too much to drink to drive home. Well, time came and no answer. I called 4 times, no answer. In between those times I called my parents to see if he was at home, nope. Called his friends, nope. So, he had my parents car, my phone, but couldn't use either one for good. When I finally got a hold of him, he said there weren't any missed calls. My parents ended up coming to get me instead. Well, when I got home I looked on the phone and there was 4 missed calls from me on there. So I blew up since he lied to me. I was pissed the rest of the night. I don't want to fight with him anymore, but it seems that I just get too upset and can't deal with it. I was doing good for a little bit, but that only lasted like 2 weeks.I don't know what my problem is. I am not happy most of the time. I still live with my parents at the age of 24, me AND my bf live with them. It sucks and I would love to get out of there, but I am not financially stable yet. I think this may be the cause of a lot of my anger and unhappiness. They still treat me like I'm a little kid asking me and my bf to do stuff all the time. I understand I need to help out, but some things are ridiculous. It seems I have lots of problems and I don't want to go back to counselling really. If it comes down to it, I just may. Can anyone help me about these situations? I just need some opinions or advice or something. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, but I just want to let you guys know that I only work 10 min. away from my house. I am not going to call a taxi to come get me. That's ridiculous. There was already a plan made that my bf and his friend were gonna come get me and one of them drive my car home. If he had a problem with it, he could've told me no. Did you understand that me and my parents are helping out my bf right now. I would think he could just be a bit more responsible with THEIR car and MY phone. If he is using these things, what is wrong with him helping his girlfriend out. I wasn't drunk, I just didn't want to chance the driving. Why should my parents use their OTHER car to come get me, when my bf is completely capable of doing it himself. I thought that was kind of a rude and makes me sound like I am using people to this advantage and I'm not.
Second thing, my parents will never change their attitude towards me, no matter if I have all the goals in the world that I am getting to. They are just like that. I am doing good in my life right now and I do have goals and am planning on achieving them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006):
First off, if you want a taxi, call a taxi service. Its a little much to expect your bf to be waiting at the phone for hours while you get plowed on the ocmpany dime enough to come home.
Second follow the boy maxim- if you arent bleeding, dont cry. You got home fine, it didnt result in a major inconviencience so you dont permission to have a major blow up. Maybe angry if their were firm plans that got disregarded, but not a blow up.
Third, in my opinion, a lot of below the surface rage results for a person lacking in self-actualization. I think you sense this the way you have worded your question. Do you have any firm long term plans? Do you have milestones so that you can see you are making progress against your plans?
I think that rather than going back to counselling, you'd be better off going to a Life Coach. Work with them to figure out what you want your goals to be - they will have perspective on how other people have accomplished those goals and help you get a mentor and put you on the path to progress to your goals. I think your rage is an way of expressive your frustration at not feeling in control of your life. Once you see that you accomplishing your milestones, these minor things that you do to accomodate your parents will seem trivial.
One last thing for perspective- your bf is in the same situation you are. Some of this behavior might come from the close living conditions too. And parents really do obsess about what will happen to their children- once they see you with a sense of purpose their attitude to you will change.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 It sounds like you might need more counselling and maybe you drink too much. Get some help.
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