A
female
age
41-50,
*hablis09
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and everythings been fine until he signd up to facebook and now I'm obsessed with checking his posts and everything he writes on his female friends walls.Last week he went out for a work do with men and women he works with - including one girl who is one facebook friend who he chats with regularly. She's in a relationship and has kids so I shouldn't really feel threatened but the 2 of them and another bloke and a girl all went out clubbing afterwards and he didn't get back til 4am. I was awake all night worrying what was happening and in the morning I made the mistake of checking his phone - he'd had a long call to the girl after the taxi had dropped her off. I confronted him and he said it was because her boyfriend is a d***head and she needed to talk. He said there's nothing going on and there never will be. But why do I still feel so jealous - I've told him I'm alright now but I'm not really. Any advice..?
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female
reader, themisses  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Thts not his girlfriend he shouldn't worry about her. If he's in a commited relationship with you..tell him to take down his facebook. Tell him its causing problems in your relationship and if he only goes on it every now and then he doesn't need it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): I disagree with the last comment. Your boyfriend has the right to be concerned for other people. Obviously this isn't some random coworker. I think people carry too tight of a leash on their partner. Let them be human and have a compassionate and caring side. As long as they don't cross a line, obviously! What I would address if why you he didn't let you know where he was so you had to be up all night worrying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Facebook makes you aware of all these other people your boyfriend associates with. It's easy to misinterpret and think there is more to what's actually going on - our minds wonder.... But please, don't go looking for possible situations - it'll drive you insane! You'll also push your boyfriend away, especially if you are going through his phone and looking into things that should be private. This will damage trust, maybe not right away, but eventually.
In any case, the real issue here is you're probably feeling insecure for whatever reason. The sooner you can get your focus off of these other women and working on your own self-confidence, the better. There are always to be women your boyfriend talks to. Some may be seem prettier and appear more exciting, but facebook is so superficial. And these girl probably don't stand a chance next to the connection you and your bf share. Who knows what these girls are really like or what association your boyfriend has to them? You can sit and wonder, but you may never really know and only your sanity will be compromised. Instead try to focus on ways to feel better about yourself and work on the connection you have with your boyfriend. Know that he's got to be able to be free to stay out late once in a while! You've got to be able to trust he can talk to other women and still love you and come back to you. If he does stray one day, he wasn't meant for you, but you can't control that. I just think you've got to allow him to be free and CHOOSE to be with you and CHOOSE to come back to you. And he'll be more likely to choose you if you're feeling confident and love yourself first and foremost. Just some thoughts.
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A
female
reader, KoriNickole +, writes (6 February 2010):
girl,its not unusual to be jealous,if you care about this man then you most likely will get jealous.
it sucks that you have to worry about other girls,if you trust that he cares about you then you shouldnt think anything of it,if you dont trust him then you should evaluate the relationship because if you dont trust someone it most likely wont work out..plus getting jealous is a female thing,goodluck keep your head up.
and obviouslly your WAAY better than the other females he associates with or he wouldnt be coming home to you.!!!
goodluck hope things get a little better for you :]
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You have reason to worry. Now your boyfriend becomes the new dikhead. It's good to come to this forum instead of finding a nice guy to talk to. Chances are you would fall for the guy who listens to your needs. You already know he's not paying much attention to you. His justifying does not remove your doubts. Tell him to take you out to an intimate date, look in him the eyes and see if you see a future with him. If not, tell him not to waste your time.
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