A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of over 2 years and i recently broke up.i know why we broke up and everything but i cant f---ing pull myself together. for the first few weeks i was fine, but now 2 months later, it's kicking in and i feel freaking miserable. i miss him SO goddamn much i cant stop crying and whenever i am alone i break down. i want to move on and forget him but these horrible feelings are bringing me down and overpowering me. i know he is out having fun and not missing me. i cant stop contacting him and he doesnt give a damn about me.you would this would be enough to stop thinking about him but i cant f---ing stop. i miss him so much. i know this is just a part of life but i want the PAIN TO STOP. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MOVE ON!! i want to stop thinking about him every second of the goddamn day. please, can anyone help me? what the hell do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): what helped me after a breakup was taking a long road trip by myself. I avoided listening to music that made me think of him and aimed to avoid thinking of him altogether.
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Hi there, If you cared about a person, loved them, went through changes and it didn't work out, it will be painful, if you break up. It is virtually like a death, you need to realize that. You will have to go through the various stages of grief to get over this situation. I could tell you to just forget it, it does not work that way. I am not sure about the stages, but there's denial, anger, grief, resentment, and finally acceptance. These may not be the exact stages, but they are close enough. You, as a human being will have these emotions, they will be real, how long they last, will depend. What you can do, which would help a whole lot, is to not feel sorry for yourself. Try to give yourself support, be your own best friend. The other thing is this, you feel this way about the loss, because of your belief, that he was all you wanted, and needed. How about this, there will be someone else, who will steal your heart and they will become the centerpiece of your life. If you grab hold of that, and not bury yourself becasue he is gone, look to the future, you will go a long way towards healing and moving forward. There are other people who will love you, otherwise, there wouldn't be individuals who marry again, after the death of a spouse, Think about it, you so devasted because he is gone, well, you are not gone, you are alive and well, so get ready for another try at happiness, dust yourself off, as somebody sang, and start all over again. Cry, but don't cry too long, life is too short, time is oh so valuable. You don't get yesterday back again, so use today wisely. Tears don't do it, find a smile, and eventually a laugh, get back to being happy, the premium is too high to waste your precious time, being
miserable. Take control, after a reasonable time for burying
the past, look toward the future and better days. Also, find a book on meditation, read and practice, you need to build up your reserve to ward off stress. Then find a book of jokes, you need laughter in your life. Finally find a new thing to do, something you always wanted to try. Whatever it is, and be good to yourself, you deserve to be as happy as you can be. Remember life is about survival, and you are a survivor and a fighter, I can tell by your adjectives. Did I get you to laugh?? Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Ok, first of all, EVERYBODY has gone through this at some point. Ok? So, the good news is that if we've all gotten over it so will you.
One thing my friend taught me that worked for me, was every time you think of him, say "blank," and make yourself draw a blank. If five minutes later he pops into your head, again say "blank" so that you remind yourself to not think of him.
And another thing is that the "mystery" of not knowing what he is up to can drive anyone mad. You start envisioning all these crazy scenarios about what he is doing and actually convince yourself that it could be true. The mind is very powerful. But in reality, he is probably at home playing video games with his friends. But in your mind he is probably out from party to party, with models hanging all over him...Please...
Just because he is ignoring you does not mean he is out having fun. He is ignoring you for reasons that led to your break up. And NOT because he has this incredible life without you. You MUST stop letting your mind fool you like that, and you have to start putting all this in perspective. In fact, I PROMISE you his life isn't even 1/4 as great as you think. And everytime you call him, you are basically calling him for nothing. Cause he DOESN'T have this incredible life, and you are only making yourself look bad for a guy who isn't even half as great as your mind is tricking you to believe he is.
So think about that next time you pick up the phone to call him. He is not that great, I promise you. You are going to meet someone way way better, I guarantee you, and then you are going to forget all about this guy.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 My heart goes out to you as I am going through the same all the time. I cannot stop contacting my ex and I cannot let it go either. The desire to know what they are doing all the time and who they are with is very strong. Let me assure you the fact that you think of him out there having a good time will not always be the case. He will not be as happy as you think he is. All relationships are thought about a lot by both sides.
I have been in this state for 18 months and it has ruined my health, mental behaviour and my career. Do not let this happen to you.
You have already been given a little bit of closure because you know and understand why the relationship finished. A psychologist told me that initialy when you break up it is a shock but the shock truly only kicks in 2 - 3 months later when the initial emotions have had a chance to subside and you begin to analyze everything. This transitional period is exceptionaally hard and I would suggest that if you work you concentrate very hard on your job. Put in longer hours and immerse yourself in it. By the time you come home and on the Saturday you will feel tired and less likely to want to be bothered to text and e-mail. Also change your routine so if you had 'dead' time at a particular time and that made you start calling go to the supermarket, the shops, for a run or anything that fills in the time. My ex husband took an injunction out on me for harrassment and let me tell you it wasn't very nice so stop before it could get to that stage. In the main even when you are going out with a man they don't really like being rung, texted or mailed all the time. Now and again is fine but even in todays times they like to do the running. Try to leave him alone for your own sanity. I have managed to focus on my dignity and I remind myself that contacting this man is making a fool out of me and making him and the people he is with laugh at me in a pitiful way.
Moving on happens at different times for people so don't worry about it. It is still early days so if you want to sit and grieve then do so. I promise you te only thing tha works is being distracted and tired so try to create these things happening as much as you can. Alos keep well away from places that remind you of him. This will take a while but as each day goes by it will get slightly better and something which I know you can't even contemplate now but is 100% true, as soon as someone new comes along you will be no longer bothered at all. I am thinking about you so be strong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I am going through the EXACT same thing.
As hard as it is and as painful as it is being around him will only give you temporary pain relief, trust me on that one. Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago, I've seen him a few times and for a few minutes I feel happy then I have to go right back to phase one of feeling depressed when I'm not with him. He too acts like he doesn't give a damn and as harsh as it sounds its normally becuase they don't! Contacting him will make it worse, he will only give a damn when he doesn't hear from you. This is a tactic I've tried and trust me it does work!
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male
reader, Solidus +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Man, I totally feel your pain. I just recently suspended all contact with my Ex girlfriend. She was my first love, my first EVERYTHING. We were together a year, and friends with benefits another year. We broke up due to alcohol and substance abuse problems.
But I digress, that's neither here nor there. As of right now I am 9 days sober. By that I mean it's been 9 days since I last spoke to her. The final straw that broke my back was her calling me telling me how wasted/high she was and who she was having sex with. At that moment I decided to just cut her out of my life and move on. I just saw some recent pics she posted where she seems to be having a blast without me. Up to her old tricks. I even lost my appetite when I saw a photo of the loser coke addict she's banging now.
And even though I'm still constantly reminicing about all the good times we shared. Whenever I do that I try to also remember the shitty times as well. Like when she didn't come visit me on her breaks or treated me like shit. Then when I remember those times my immediate understanding is that I'm better off without someone like that in my life.
Don't call him anymore. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much you care. Instead hang out with your girls, go hang out with some handsome dude, listen to your favorite songs as loud as possible and fill your head with positive thoughts of the "Bigger better Deal" that's waiting for you.
I hope this helps a little.
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female
reader, NeedAnswers +, writes (9 July 2008):
well how do i start this?iv been through this with my ex, we split up and for the 1st couple of weeks i were fine and then lyk the push of a button e was on my mind constantly and like you i would break down wen i was on my own, i also kept txtin him and ringin him and he wouldn't reply and wen he anserd the fone and hersd me he would put the fone straight down.anyway one time i txt im just giving him a piece of my mind, i was eally aggressive in the text because anger took over, and i just sed he was acting really childish about it and he should get a grip and sed if he couldn't see me then he was just a loser and being childish and i askd him to meet me face to face to "clear the air" anyway after one meeting we didnt kiss or anything we just talkd. anyway meeting once led to meeting everyday, we talked about how we were b4 and that we missed it.anyway now im still with him since those meetings =]you just need to tell hi how you feel and tell him that you would just like to see him once to clear the air between you both otherwise you wont be able to move on.hopefully he will think this tooso good luck and keep me posted how you get onx
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