A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello. I really need some advice and help! I broke up with my boyfriend back in March and I was devestated. I started to like a new guy to try and get over the ex. After a while, this new guy seemed to be interested. He was very difficult to read and i found myself always stressing over whether he was going to call me or talk to me day after day. Recently we talked about things and decided to put an end to the physical things and just be friends for now.(it was more him than me) He said he gets scared at relationship talk. After about 2 weeks we went out drinking and went back to his place and had sex. After that i thought things might start to turn out ok again but I was still stressing over it. I finally told him what happened that night shouldnt have happened and he said we will not get in that situation again and stop doing that. I really need some advice as to how to get over this guy and move on. Theres one big problem though, he lives in my apartment complex and still trys to hang out with me and my friends. I like him and want more of a relationship than he does and I think hanging out will only make things worse for me, not him because it seems he only wants me at his convenience. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Oh dear,
So let me ask you, do you think because you met this guy and started with him so soon after your last breakup that he was anything more than a rebound?
I only ask because the time frame was pretty short between the "devastating breakup" and all the subsequent drama. I think it's natural in many people to want to jump right back in in order to make the negative feelings of the last relationship disappear. But they rarely do disappear, as I think you are experiencing now.
And was it you that broke up with your BF, or the other way around?
So after sleeping with him(and please don't use drinking as an excuse) so soon after your breakup, did you feel like you were filling a void associated with your breakup?
As for how to get over this guy, you have already stated that you told him it was a mistake. If you feel the need to move on, then avoid him at all costs. Otherwise you will be sending a signal to him that it's not over, then he will pursue you again, and the cycle will never be broken. and then you will end up sleeping with him again, as you have sent him mixed signals, and guys and girls misinterperet stuff like that all the time.
I am not saying you purposely did it(I'm sure you didn't do this on purpose) but please be more cognizant in the future about the ramifications of jumping into bed with a neighbor just to make yourself feel better.
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