A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi can anyone help me understand my man.We have been dating for 9mths.He is lovely and sweet and caring in lots of ways,however there is something that doesn't sit right with me.when i first met him he told me he doesn't believe in love,he thinks its a chemical reaction and something that can't last for ever.I appreciated his honesty,tbh i had just come out of a long relationship and didn't want the love thing to rear its head anyway.Although he is very affectionate,there is a coldness about him,i can't put my finger on. He told me the other day he was jealous of the relationship with my ex.I have to be civil with my ex as we have a daughter together.When were together he looks at me so loving as if he loves me,and constantly says to judge him on his actions,not what he says.I have grown to like him alot and could probally love him,but am guarded,because how he acts and what he says contridicte each other. He will sulk for example. It was my daughters birthday and had family and friends round,my ex was obviously going to be there so couldn't invite my partner.the night before, we were going to go out,he rang and said that he was throwing up so best not go round,i said if you need anything let me know.the next day,i was busy preparing food etc for my daughters birthday,so texted him in the evening,no answer.I left it a couple of days and rang.He was upset i hadn't contacted him during the day of the party him to see how he was.I told him it was my daughters birthday and was too busy in the day.I don't understand what he wants from me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the imput crmcorn65,you have given me food for thought.I feel if my partner took the leap of faith and declared he loved me,and wanted a future with me i would definaetly put his feelings first,but as he hasn't.I'm sort of in limbo.
A
female
reader, crmcorn65  +, writes (6 June 2009):
I'm not trying to be mean or anything. I understand why you wouldn't want that to happen at your daughter's party, but what happens if you marry this guy, or any guy for that matter? Would he have to go somewhere else while you have a party? Maybe in the future you should have a party for your friends and family and your ex should have a separate one. Or just flat out tell him he can't come because he doesn't act like an adult should. I'm speaking from experience. My fiance has custody of his kids and this is what we have to do, otherwise she would come after me-she already has, and in front of her daughter, too. It's sad that things have to be this way, but it gives you a very insecure feeling in these situations if you weren't to be included. Try to put yourself in his position. He tells you he's jealous of the relationship and this may be why. It's like you're putting your ex ahead of him even if you don't mean to. Ask him. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did not invite him to the party because my ex would of wanted to punch his light out,i wasn't protecting my ex,i was ensuring there would be not blood split at my daughters 6th birthday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFunnly enough i looked up what passive aggresive ment before writing my problem,he has some traits that is true.I know he is selfish and childish,infact it is like having another child,however there is something vunrable and endearing about him.We go out on dates and they are wonderful,just like being in a dream.I've met all his family and friends.If he upsets mewhich he rarely doeshe appogies,andtakes full responsibilty.He is eager to please me and wants to make me as happy as possible,but as i said something doesn't sit right.Nobody has ever treated me as good as him and when i tell friends they say your not used to being treated well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I can tell you why he's jealous of your relationship with your ex-you've been dating the guy for 9 months and you don't invite him to your daughters birthday party because your ex will be there? You're with him, not your ex! He should be invited to everything regardless of who is going to be there-you should be worried and protective of his feelings, not the ex!
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