A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After spending 8 years with my girlfriend, last night, I decided leaving her but she was refusing to accept my decision …so it’s kind a pending thing. She is caring, most gorgeous girl in our surroundings but her anger is something I can’t stand with anymore. She was 16 and I was 17 when we started seeing each other. After one month of our relationship, my mom told me to move her into our house. So since then, she’s been residing in our place with her parents living in a town 250 miles away from here. My mom has financed our education and we both graduated from same university in 2009. But we ended up doing job in different companies. Such is my mom loves for her, that when she would get sports car for me, my girlfriend would also get it despite the fact she was girl and not into sports car. She loves my GF like her real daughter and potential daughter-in-law. My girlfriend too loving both of us with all sincerity and extra efforts. With this brief background, I would like to come back to my problem which is her anger. She doesn’t get angry so often but when she does, it gets me scared like hell…she doesn’t use stupid wards while being angry but she shouts like hell and I feel like as I am now confronting different girl not my GF. What makes her angry? Well small things like why I don’t organize things properly in my room and she blames for not being disciplined and my mom too takes her side on this. I know for the fact that every guy does this and not cares much about the properly organization of their rooms or apartments but their girls don’t create fuss out of it, right? When I talk to her about her anger , she said that if I love her then I should respect and love every emotion of her as its part of human body and I shouldn’t do things that she hates.. Last night, I told her that I wanted to breakup with her and then she started crying saying that I would be better off giving her poison instead of doing this and she can’t imagine this world with me and my mom. My mom has made clear on me that If do this, she will disown me , all my late dad’s big property will go to her and she will throw me out of the house. I am not concerned about this as I am having job and can find myself another place but I know I can’t live without mom who has done so much for me after my dad’s death 11 years ago .And also life would be tough for me without my girlfriend with whom I have grown up. Now I am thinking of not to dump my Girlfriend but go into cold phase just to end her occasional nasty anger, will it be good option? Cold phase means neither being in a close relationship with her nor being away from her. Mom says it’s me who needs to change not her? Or I am over blowing up this anger thing out of proportion . The more I get comments from you people, the more it will make it easier for me to solve this problem. Please do help me and make me indebted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): "Every guy does this and not cares much about the properly organization of their rooms or apartments but their girls don’t create fuss out of it, right?" Not right, to be honest if my husband doesn’t care about the organization of the house after 8 years of living with me I would get fussy too! It is so frustrating for her but shouting is not the solution, I am sure she has talked to you many times about the thing that you still do or don’t, why should you act in a way that do not leave her any other option than shouting? Have you thought about it that way? If after several years you don’t want to change and your mom says that it is your fault SO instead of dumping her tries to change yourself and do care about the things that she is sensitive about......Just be fair
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): Sounds like she is pretty dependent on you. I would insist on a temporary separation (at least two months), and then get back together on the condition that she gets help. It will make your relationship stronger, and she might be able to accept it more easily if she knows it's not final.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 You want to break up with her, because she yelled about you that your room is messy?
(By the way, if you still live at home and your OWN Mother agrees you are not organized, then respect your Mother!)
Your Mother practically raised your GF into adulthood, so of course she would be upset. She sees her as a daughter.
But, your gf has not grown up and neither have you.
Learn to negotiate what is and is not acceptable behavior. As a couple, you are going to dissagree. You are different people with different likes and dislikes. So, learn to fight with fairness. BOTH of you should be keeping your voices calm, no name calling, no making the other person feel small.
YOU could compromise and make your room tidy! Is it really that big of a deal? Your gf is probably looking at you as a potential husband and thinking...is this what he will be like when we live together? When we raise kids?
Relationships are about giving and taking. Both of you are saying to eachother, "Well this is just the way I am and you need to accept it or get out of my life!"
You feel that you should be able to be like every guy and she wants you to accept all her emotions. You are both wrong.
Your Mom has known you all your life and maybe she knows you a bit better than you think you do. Maybe she is trying to help you grow up into manhood.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (9 August 2011):
 There's no reason to stay with her if you're not happy. She's supposed to listen to you and accept how you feel, but instead she gets mad at you because you can't accept her unreasonable anger. That's not right and she should be willing to learn to cool it down a bit after all you two have been through. If your mother's going to disown you, then fine. This is between you and your girlfriend, not her and she has no right to guilt-trip you. Don't accept the way your girlfriend acts and the way she guilt-trips you for feeling like she's not good enough. If she's not good enough for you, then she just isn't. Move on and find someone else who listens to you and accepts you for the way you are. No one loves anger or sadness so loving every emotion is a ridiculous concept. Be happy and follow your heart and find someone who you would never think about leaving. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): I think you are over reacting. She is a neat, orderly person who likes to keep things clean. Shes not hitting you or using bad words, so you have no reason to be so angry about all this.
dO not break up with her, she seems to love and care for you.
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